Chapter One ~ Chapter Two ~ Chapter Three ~ Chapter Four ~ Chapter Five
The Lover After Me
Written by Tammy
Here I go again,
I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographic memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
Here I go again
I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
He looked around at the Los Angeles skyline. He was brooding again, he knew. Cordy had been badgering him about it for months now. He was probably wearing “Buffy face”, not that he knew what it looked like. No mirrors, remember? But whatever Cordy thought every face was “Buffy face”.
He promised himself every morning that when he woke up at night, he wouldn't think of her. And every evening, when he woke up, she was all he thought of until he slept again. Then, he would dream about her. And after seven months, he couldn't handle it any more. Not after that…boy had come to L.A with her.
Buffy didn't know he had followed her to the car where Riley was waiting, but he had. And he could smell Buffy on him. Like vanilla, cinnamon and just a hint of citrus, he knew her smell intimately. He knew when she bled each month, because her smell was stronger, tinged with blood. He knew when she was angry, she smelled spicier, and when she was happy it was more like vanilla.
Riley smelt more like citrus. And the citrus smell was the strongest in his memories of Buffy on one night. The night of her seventeenth birthday.
So when Angel smelled Buffy on Riley, knowing that smell, it tore at something inside of him. But it also made him realize something.
Faith had been in Buffy's body until about two days ago, and he highly doubted Riley and Buffy had time to knock boots on the way to L.A. Which meant that most likely what Faith told him was right. Riley had slept with Faith, thinking she was Buffy. And Angel knew then that Riley would never replace him.
Angel would know Buffy anywhere and if Faith had tried that with him, he would have instinctively known it wasn't Buffy. And somewhere inside, Buffy knew that. When she told Angel that she trusted Riley he had nearly broken inside. Now he felt something rebuilding as he realized that she had lied.
And as he climbed into his car pointing it toward Sunnydale, he knew that the lover after him would never stand a chance.
Buffy sat outside her window, musing. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't musing on anything in particular but her thoughts kept bringing her back to the events of the past week or so and more specifically, to the people involved; including one tall, dark and oh-so handsome vampire.
She remembered the words she threw at him… “I have someone in my life now...that I love. It's not what you and I had…I trust him. I know him.”
She also remembered his reply…“That's great. It's nice you moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again and it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore…”
The second those words had come out of his mouth, she regretted her actions. She had thrown Riley in his face not thinking of the consequences. He may have left her so she could have 'sunshine and picnics and children', but she knew it had torn them both apart inside.
But seeing him hug Faith, and when he hit her because of Faith, it hurt, and she had wanted to hurt him back.
The truth was, she didn't trust Riley, not the way she trusted Angel. Sure, she trusted Riley with her life, in her line of work she couldn't afford to not be able to, but she trusted Angel with her heart as well. She knew that no matter how many times Angel may have broken her heart, she still trusted him with it, because of who he was; her soul mate, whether he admitted it or not.
Riley was sweet but the incident with Faith had proven that he wasn't 'the one'. Finding out that he had slept with Faith, in Buffy's body or not, had hurt. More so because she knew, although she didn't voice her feelings out loud, that Angel would have known the difference.
For months she had been pretending that Riley would grow to fill the hole that Angel had left in her heart. The events with Faith had proved otherwise.
Truthfully, that was why she had been so angry at Faith. The fact that she had treated her body like an object didn't bother Buffy; she knew how Faith thought, even envied her from time to time. She knew Faith wouldn't have slept with some random guy in her body - Faith wasn't stupid. She would have taken care of the important things, like getting away from Buffy and her old body and her friends, before having fun.
Faith's mantra may have been 'Want. Take. Have.' Or possibly 'five by five' but she was a Slayer, and she followed her instincts. No, Buffy hated Faith because she took something that was pure and safe to Buffy and exposed it for what it truly was - a pathetic attempt to fill a hole that would never be full again.
Buffy's relationship with Riley was a sham and it had taken her sister Slayer to show Buffy the truth.
Angel strained to listen to the snippets of conversation weaving their way through the window toward his perch in a tree near Buffy's dorm room. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping but when he'd climbed up the tree after following her back from a pretty tough battle with a Fyarl demon - purely to make sure she got back safely and was okay, of course - he saw her talking to Riley and he was so annoyed that he stuck around, mostly to keep him from storming in there and ripping Riley to shreds. And from the look of their conversation, Buffy seemed upset and tense. So he stayed to try and find out what the boy had done to annoy her, after all, any excuse to go after him…
Sadly, he could hardly hear what was going on. However, when Riley stood up to leave Angel saw him pull Buffy into an embrace and, disgusted, Angel dropped silently from his perch to the ground below and stalked off. That 'boy' would never touch Buffy again once Angel put his plan into action. Now too figure out what that plan was…
Buffy pushed Riley away. “Riley, I'm glad you're not taking this badly. And I do want to be friends, it's just it's a little soon, you know? I'm not trying to push you away - well literally I just did, I know, but I mean emotionally. I just want some time, okay?”
“Sure Buffy. I understand. Take all the time you need. Just remember, I'm here for you, okay? If you change your mind great but if not I'm here as a friend.”
“Thanks Riley.”
Buffy leaned against the closed door and sighed. She'd hated doing that to Riley - she did genuinely care about him, possibly even loved him. But it was like comparing puppy love to a bone-deep, heart wrenching, eternal, I-would-die-for-you kind of love. The problem was she knew that she'd never feel that way about anyone else.
Angel didn't know, but she knew the significance of the scar on her neck. He'd downplayed it when she asked him why it hadn't healed but she researched it in some of Giles' books. He had marked her as his. Even near death, with her pounding him into drinking, he'd known that she wasn't just prey. He had marked her as his mate, and vampires mated for life.
All the Slayer lore she had read indicated the same thing, as well. While it was rare, the few Slayers that did take partners tended to only ever have the one and in most cases had reacted very badly to the loss of their partner. One ended with the Slayer committing suicide, most ended in prolonged depression often leading to an even earlier death, and one particularly memorable case ended with the Slayer killing her Watcher and three other people before she killed herself. So Buffy knew that with the loss of her mate she would never get the “sunshine and picnics and children” that he had left her for. Ironic really.
She just wished she hadn't hurt Riley. He was a sweet guy, who really liked her. And in another world, where she was just Buffy, no supernatural attachments, it probably would have worked. Just her luck she had to be in this one.
Angel surveyed the mansion on Crawford Street. He still had his apartment, although after what had happened there, especially Angelus' comments to Buffy, he hadn't gone back. But the mansion, on the other hand… Well, it could do with some work but that wouldn't take long, especially if he called in a couple of favors. He was going to place himself firmly back into Buffy's life, and hopefully her heart, and he would start here.
When he had found out he had his soul permanently, courtesy of the Powers, he hadn't told Buffy. How would he? “I know I left you because I couldn't give you children and sunlight and picnics, but now we can screw so that makes it okay?” Or “I know that I tore up your heart but hey I just found out I can have sex with you again?” Then he found out about Riley and he couldn't tell her when she was there because he thought she had found someone who could give her the picnics and the sunlight.
But now that he knew the truth, he was grateful to the Powers for giving him a reason to live - well, not live - again. And he would get his mate back. He just needed the right… persuasion.
Buffy stalked through the cemetery, stake in hand. After breaking up with Riley, she needed to blow off some steam. She hated to admit it, but it still stung deeply that Riley had slept with Faith and hadn't known that it wasn't her. But she knew it was really a displacement of her real feelings.
Truthfully, she was more hurt to hear Angel defending Faith than to know about what happened between Faith and Riley. Because there was this little nagging part of her that had wished it was her in Angel's arms, that it was her he was championing so readily.
She missed the easy interaction that she used to have with Angel. When she saw him in L.A. it had hurt so badly to hear him yell at her - more so than when he hit her. He had seemed so broken when she told him about Riley, just for a second, and then suddenly he was yelling at her. Angel had never yelled at her, and it had hurt so much that she knew in that moment that her life would never be whole without him. If that was the way they were to interact now whenever they saw each other, she knew she would never cope.
Suddenly turning and staking the fledgling that was creeping up behind her (no one even bothered to wait by the graves any more - were all the vamps just totally losing their standards?), she realized that Riley had never been anything more than something to fill the time until she realized she wanted Angel back. And would do anything to get him.
Damn 'sunshine and picnics and children'. She was an adult and knew what she wanted. She was sick of trying to fill a round hole with a square peg or whatever the metaphor was. She wanted Angel. And no one else.
Trying to ignore the tingly feeling in her stomach that felt disturbingly familiar - it was only because she was thinking of him, there was no way Angel would be here in Sunnydale after the way they left things - she made up her mind. She would get him back. She just might need to stop by Willow's for a little magically enhanced persuasion first, that's all…
Watching her stake the fledgling - damn, were all the vamps in Sunnydale just brainless? He'd never sired such stupid minions, he was sure of it - Angel admired her. She was graceful and deadly, and yet she was sunlight and happiness wrapped up in one perfect blonde little package. He didn't know how he had ever been able to walk away from her. She was his, he knew it. Felt it.
Looking at the frown that blurred her beautiful face, he wondered what was disturbing her so much. After seeing Riley walking across the campus with a pathetic look on his face, as if he had… what was Willow's term? Cancer of the puppy? Angel wondered exactly what had happened between Buffy and Riley after he dropped out of his tree. If Riley had hurt his Buffy…Angel left that thought unfinished. His soul may be bound but that didn't mean he could encourage his demon.
As conflicting emotions flickered across Buffy's face - first sadness, then anger, then what appeared to be determination, and then confusion - Angel wondered what on Earth was running through her pretty little blonde head. As she suddenly marched out of the cemetery, patrol obviously finished for the night, with a look of satisfaction and a slightly cheeky grin on her face, Angel decided that he should make his way home for the night. It would be difficult to follow her on the streets, with her predatory senses honed since he left, and barely any trees to hide behind or in, she would eventually notice him, and he wasn't ready to face her just yet. Not until he had finished his preparations in the mansion…
Buffy smiled at Willow. Her Wicca friend had provided her with exactly what she had asked for and more. “So his soul is permanent, how?”
“I don't know. It wasn't me. But it's definitely bound - the magic surrounding it is stronger than the magic of the loophole in the curse. And it's fairly recent, like in the last couple of months at the most. It must have happened after he left.”
“Thanks Will. He has a lot of explaining to do. And these will be perfect as persuasion…” Buffy picked up the objects next to her and hefted them in her hand. “They will work, right?”
“Guaranteed. And I put a little extra mojo in there just in case.”
“You're the best, Will. Well, let's see exactly what Angel thinks when I see him. I'm going to leave first thing in the morning - it's nearly three a.m., and I'm beat. There's no point in leaving now.”
On that note, Buffy and Willow said goodnight to each other. Buffy wrapped up the objects in her hand in a thick grey blanket and put them in the bag in which she planned to throw her stuff into in the morning.
Angel will never know what hit him…was Buffy's last thought before she drifted off to sleep.
Buffy woke up the next morning with a smile on her face, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Angel would soon realise exactly what he was missing, she mused. How she had coped for all these months without realising that she needed him was beyond her though. With all these thoughts flitting through her head, Buffy began to throw together a bag to take with her to Los Angeles, where she would persuade one tall, dark and brooding hunk of vampire that he was NOT going to walk away from her again. Little did she know, he wasn't as far away as she thought…
Angel stepped back from the wall on which he was working. Those manacles, while they may have been quite fun, held too many bad memories for Buffy. And, if her friends, family and Watcher would be here on a regular basis, they weren't exactly… appropriate. He turned and surveyed the rest of the mansion. Well, it wasn't a home - yet - but for now it would do. And it had the essentials… He smiled. Whatever had happened between Buffy and Riley, he would make her forget that… boy had ever existed. She was his. And soon, he'd prove that to her. But first, he had to find her. And NOT get burned to a crisp while doing it…
Buffy woke up slowly, jerking awake when she realised that she wasn't in bed in her dorm with Willow, or asleep in her seat during a lecture. Taking in her surroundings, she realised with a start that she was in the mansion. Wondering at the change in décor, she tried to sit up only to realise she was chained to a very large bed.
“I wouldn't try that. Those chains are specifically designed to hold a Slayer. You won't break them.” Buffy's head whipped up at the familiar voice. It couldn't be… could it?
“Angel? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!” Momentarily forgetting that she herself had a similar plan, Buffy yelled at Angel.
“Oh, come on now Buff. Not happy to see me? Maybe you wish I was your little puppy dog?” Angel's voice, while carrying more than a little hint of jealousy, made Buffy moan inside. It had been so long, and she missed him so much… Snapping back into reality, Buffy finally registered Angel's comment.
“Puppy dog? You mean, Riley? Angel, are you jealous?!”
“Jealous? Me? No, Buffy. Just a little annoyed. I mean, come on. All that talk about forever, and THAT'S my replacement? He's a child!”
'And you're not jealous at all,' said the little voice in Angel's head. 'It doesn't bother you one bit that he got to touch her when you couldn't, got to hold her, kiss her…'
“Yeah, well, you left me, remember? For sunshine and children and fucking picnics!” Buffy spat at him, more than a little angry. “I mean, you walk away from me, cuddle up with someone who by the way did more than her fair share of damage in my body, hit me, and then YOU have the nerve to be angry at ME for doing exactly what you fucking TOLD me to do! No, Riley can't compare to you! You were the love of my life, Angel, and no one ever could! But I couldn't HAVE you, you made that very clear! So maybe I tried to find love wherever I could! And it paled in comparison to you, but YOU LEFT ME! And you didn't even CARE to come and tell me that you got your soul permanently. So I guess that's where we stand now.”
“What the hell? Buffy, I left you because it was dangerous. And when I found out about my soul, I didn't want to hurt you. What was I supposed to do, swan back in to Sunnydale, 'Hey by the way we can screw without endangering the world, so just slot me back into your life like I never left?' I couldn't do that to you Buffy. And there was still the issue that I was a vampire and you weren't. It was-”
“For my own good, yadda yadda yadda. I've heard the sales pitch. Did it ever occur to you that I'm a grown up now Angel? I grew up pretty fast that summer on my own in L.A. And grown-ups make their own decisions! I could have told you that I didn't WANT sunshine and children and picnics without you! You were the one part of my freaky world that made sense; do you remember me telling you that? But as soon as my mother opened her mouth - and yes, I found out about that - you turned tail and ran. You weren't worrying about me, you were worrying FOR me. I'm capable of figuring things out for myself! And if you'd ever bothered to ASK me, I would have told you that you were the most important thing in my life, vampire or not! I LOVE you Angel! I always will. Just because you weren't there didn't mean that I wouldn't want to know about your soul, even if it was just so that I could be happy for you!”
“Because that's how it works. You want the person you love to have whatever makes them happy, not some notion of a perfect life that they could never achieve anyway! I'm a Slayer. We die young. And do you think that even if I had a long and happy life in front of me, I would bring up a child in a family without love? I had that, and I would never inflict that on my child! And it wouldn't be a family with love, because it wouldn't be YOU! Riley wasn't you. He never could be. That's why I broke up with him - I can't love someone else. Not when every tiny little part of me calls out for YOU!”
Angel sat there speechless, his brain still trying to wrap itself around Buffy's admission. 'She broke up with the boy? He couldn't be me. She still wants me…'
Buffy lay there, exhausted. That admission had taken her more effort than Angel could possibly know, and she was trying desperately to keep herself from breaking down. 'He doesn't want me any more, he hasn't said anything, he can't want me, he left…' Suddenly, Buffy heard a low growl, her only warning before Angel pounced on her.
“Mine!” Angel lowered his mouth to Buffy's, capturing it in a possessive kiss. She moaned into his mouth, kissing back until she came to her senses.
“Angel? What are you doing?!”
“Mine. All mine. Only ever mine.” Angel replied in between soul-searing kisses.
“Are you sure? What about sunshine, picnics, chi-mmfph!” Buffy found herself cut off as Angel recaptured her mouth. The kiss rose in passion, and when they finally broke apart Angel noticed with satisfaction that Buffy was breathing heavily, and her lips were all swollen.
Suddenly becoming well aware of their position - he was lying on top of a manacled, dishevelled Buffy, Angel moved away. The sight of Buffy, with her hair mussed up, her lips all swollen, and in chains no less, was doing some rather interesting things to certain parts of Angel's anatomy, and while, granted, he had been the one to chain her, he didn't want them rushing into something that she may not be ready for. Moving to unlock the manacles, now that he was satisfied that she was really his again, he was surprised when the previously compliant Buffy grabbed him the second her hands were free. Flipping him over onto his back, she had him chained in the same position she had been in a split second, before he could put up any resistance.
“Buffy? What the hell? I thought we had dealt with everything? Why are you chaining me up?” An edge of panic crept into Angel's voice, although underneath there was a tremor of excitement. It had been a long time since Angel had been in this position…
“Well, lover,” Buffy replied, putting a seductive emphasis on the second word that had Angel feeling a sudden… rising in a particular area, “You got to chain me up, and win me back. That little possessive display there definitely had its charms! But it seems that you got all the fun. You never did stop to ask if maybe I had been planning something… Unfortunately, when you kidnapped me I didn't get to bring my toys.”
Crawling up the length of Angel's body, Buffy's voice dipped lower, and became husky, dripping with want. “You see, when I found out about the curse, I had Willow put a little spell on some chains as well. I was going to drive to L.A., and chain you up, and make you mine again.” Nearing Angel's ear, she leaned over, and whispered, her voice making him tremble with need. “It's almost a shame you came here first. I had such… fun planning what to do to you…” Standing up, and walking away from him, she turned back, and with a wicked gleam in her eye, said, “But, now I have you right where I want you. And I don't even have to bother with the tricky persuasion part. I just get to play…”
TBC…