Part One-Angel ~ Part Two-Buffy ~ Part Three-Buffy & Angel ~ Part Four-Buffy, Angel & the Gang

Part Five-A Night At The Ballet  ~ Part Six-Hellish Bells ~ Part Seven-Shifting Loyalties ~ Part Eight-Vows

In My Dreams Series

Written by Lela Rose

Part One

Angel

Angel opened his eyes slowly. His room was totally dark. Like his brethren his eyes immediately adjusted to the dark. He didn't move. He lay perfectly still as the last remnants of his dream floated around him. He was afraid to move, to breathe, to think. Any reaction on his part would make the dream fade faster and this was a dream that he wanted to hold onto as long as he could. So he lay perfectly still, deathly still.

He wasn't sure why he had been dreaming of Buffy. There was no future there. They both had agreed upon it, accepted it and moved on. But the dream kept coming. And he couldn't figure out if it was a dream or a nightmare.

In his dream he was holding Buffy. They were standing in the courtyard of the mansion on Crawford Street. Buffy had been standing before him in a double circle. A circle or silver roses and another circle of candles. She was wearing a green dress shot with some sort of silver that brought out her eyes, her hair pulled up with curls falling around the side of her face and her neck. She was looking at him in that adoring way she did when she had loved him. When she thought they could have a life together, before they knew differently. Before he moved to LA. Angel was dressed in black in the dream. Some parts of the dream were so clear he could recite what they were saying word for word. Other parts of the dream were a little shadowy, shifting and moving and never taking shape.

The dream always left him a little sad. He knew the dream was just his subconscious thoughts playing themselves out. So much had happened between him and Buffy. Connor the baby Darla bore him, which hurt Buffy more than he had even realized. It had never occurred to him how much Buffy wanted to have his child. How she was willing to give up any hope of being a mother to be with him. How the fact that his sire Darla had given him a child. Then there was his relationship with Cordelia. Maybe it would have been easier if he had a relationship with someone else. But no he had a relationship with Cordelia. Angel realized too late Buffy had always felt a little insecure around Cordelia. Buffy may have been the slayer where vampires and demons were concerned, but when it came to dating and getting a man, Cordelia was the slayer. And now she was even part demon.

And the Buffy and Spike thing. Of all the living men in the world Buffy had to turn to Spike one of the undead for comfort. It's as if He and Buffy looked for comfort in the arms of those who would be difficult for the other to accept as a part of each other's lives. He and Buffy never did anything easy. It was always difficult. Always pain and anguish. As Cordelia would say the Angel and Buffy show.

Still, he should have realized his relationship with Cordelia would be hard on Buffy. In a maudlin sort of way, Cordelia was a reminder of a simpler time for him. Nights spent on the hunt with Buffy. Hanging out at the Bronze with Buffy. Patrolling the cemeteries. Cordelia was a connection to his life back in Sunnydale. A life that no matter how hard he tried he could never let go. He could only reason that maybe that 's how Buffy felt about Spike.

It took a while but he finally realized that he did not love Cordelia with his soul. Yes, he loved her. She was a part of his family. She held a special place in his heart. He would give his life for her. But for Buffy he would give his soul.

To be with Buffy he would fight every hell demon on earth and any dimension he was sent to. He couldn't say that about anyone else. He loved Buffy with so much passion that he'd come back from a Hell dimension to be with her. The memories of her had kept him sane for the centuries of pain and torment he suffered in Alcatha. Yes, he loved Cordy but he loved Buffy with a completeness that lifted his soul. She filled him, she made his heart and soul soar.

People always talked about their true love, their soul mate. He laughed sardonically, He didn't believe one third of the population had the commitment to love with their true heart, with their soul. He knew that Buffy did.

He hadn't just woke up one night and slapped his forehead with his hand and said, "I can't live without Buffy." It was a gradual thing. First, it was the updates from Willow. The thoughts and images of Buffy that would pop in his head at the least expected moments. Then he finally accepted his fate was to be IN LOVE with Buffy forever. It was like realizing the moon and the stars didn't shine as bright as they once had. And then realizing that the last time they had shone like diamonds in the sky was when he was walking in a cemetery with Buffy. Or failing to smell the night and appreciate the beauty of the night without Buffy to point out the nights beauty. With Buffy even a walk in a cemetery could be a thing of beauty; romance.

He didn't get it like the snap of his finger. It was subtle. Maybe that's why he knew it was ordained. He had time to be away from her to think about life without her. To live a life without her. The bottom line was yes he could live without her, it's just that his life without her lacked color, substance, flavor.

Buffy had suffered at his hands and still loved him, she stood up to her watcher and friends when he came back from Acaltha, she fought vampires and demons to save his life. She fought Faith for him, she even offered her blood to save his life. His mind, his body and his soul were starved. Starving to hear her voice, see her, to smell her; to touch her. He missed her. He wanted her. He loved her beyond human words.

Now he had to convince Buffy of that. He had made a lot of mistakes. But one thing was certain. He wanted to be with Buffy. He wanted Buffy to share his and Connor's life. He had to make things right between them. It might take months or years or a lifetime. He had the time. He would do whatever was necessary to make things right with Buffy.

As much as Cordelia claimed she loved him he doubted her love for him could have withstood the trials and tribulations, the pain and the ecstasy that he and Buffy had shared; had endured. Too many peaks and plateaus were bad for most relationships, it seemed to bound his relationship with Buffy stronger.

Of course these dreams he was having could be another curse. The "Powers That Be" didn't seem to be too happy with him lately. Maybe this was just another part of his curse. To have finally realized that true love meant finding away to make it work. To realize that your undead life was only half an undead life unless you shared your love with your beloved.

Cordelia would call his thoughts and him melodramatic. Perhaps tonight he was a little melodramatic. Tonight for the first time in centuries he was seeing absolutely clearly. The blinders had been removed and his true love, and his soul mate was beckoning him to come closer.

Now that he had made his decision he needed a course of action. He folded his hands behind his head and contemplated this dilemma. He couldn't just show up in Sunnydale and tell Buffy, "Hey, honey, I'm home." Although Willow privately kept him up on everything that was going on in Sunnydale. He knew there had been a lot of "water" so to speak over and under the bridge of their lives.

Angel brooded more. His room was bathed in darkness, although he knew it was about 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Hours before the sun set. He'd spent most of the morning with Connor. He had a routine with Connor. Bottle, bath, dress him and play with him until Connor tired himself out and went back to sleep. This afternoon Fred had given him a break and taken Connor downstairs. After they left Angel had dozed off to sleep.

Angel reached over and flicked on the light on his bedside table. The room was bathed in an eerie dim light. Pasted on the inside of the closet door which he had open were drawings of Buffy. He had drawn them when they had met a few months ago. They were casual drawings. He smiled hauntingly as he looked at them. Buffy had a slightly glazed expression on two of them. A where do I go from here look. There were 3 drawings in all. His favorite drawn at night as they sat on the beach and talked. The drawing was of a more content Buffy. A hint of her shy, sweet, sexy smile coming through; a combination smile that he would like to hope that she only gave to him. She was sitting crossed leg in the sand, waves were lapping at her feet, her faced was bathed by the moon light, the wind was blowing her hair, and she was tucking a strand behind her ear. It was the most beautiful picture Angel had ever drawn of Buffy. One moment of happiness caught with charcoal on a sketchpad.

He held on to the memories of that trip like they were some lost treasure. And in a way they were. It was before Cordelia, before Spike. Before everything became so blurred.

He remembered the trip so clearly. Buffy hadn't packed anything when she came to meet him. They were only supposed to be together for a few hours. They ended up renting a hotel room and spending 3 days together.

Angel had to buy Buffy several outfits. Angel rolled on his side and got up out of bed. He was wearing a pair of black silk drawstring pajama bottoms. He smiled when he thought about them. Like Buffy he hadn't packed anything either. He would have been fine wearing nothing to sleep in, but he hadn't wanted to make Buffy uncomfortable and make it impossible for him to keep his hands off her. He had bought these silk pajamas. Buffy had worn the top and he had worn the bottoms. He still remember holding her during the day as they prepared for bed. Feeling her body shake as she cried silently and her tears drenched his chest. It had been a bittersweet feeling. The joy of holding her in his arms knowing that she was alive. That perhaps there was still a chance for them. And the pain of knowing she had been pulled from a place of peace, serenity and contentment and placed back into this reality.

He walked to the refrigerator and took out a brand of Animal Blood called Better Than Human. The wrapper would have been a little macabre for human taste. The picture was of a headless, human shaped form spewing blood from his neck cavity. Even the demon population was in to advertising and capitalism. He twisted the cap off the blood placed it in the microwave for a few minutes pulled it out and took a long swig. It was warm, thick, rich and spicy. Just the way he liked it. Not bad he thought, closer than some of the other types of blood he'd drank.

He walked over to the sketches on the wall to study them closer. The other guests at the hotel thought he and Buffy were newlyweds because they didn't leave their room in the daytime. If he could only be so lucky. He would probably have to live on the memories of those three days for the rest of his life.

Those days, in that no name hotel, where he held her and let her cry. For with him she could cry. He didn't expect her to always be "the slayer." She didn't have to be the strong one around him. She could be just a "regular girl." That is what she once told him she wanted to be "a regular girl." He wanted that for her.

But, that wasn't all Buffy wanted from him. She wanted him to come back to Sunnydale. To come back to be with her. She wanted them to have a life together. He felt so helpless because he could not give her what she wanted. What he wanted. What he needed. They had argued. She had left angry, rejected; hurt. If she had only known how hard it was for him to stand in the parking lot and watch her get in to her jeep and drive away. The Angel and Buffy Show again.

At one time they both had agreed to stay away from each other. He knew that their love could never be. He had wanted Buffy to find someone else. He knew of Parker and Riley. Willow had called and told him of how that bastard, Parker had hurt Buffy. He had went into a cold rage. How could anyone hurt his Buffy? Use her and discard her without a care. He would give his life for one moment in her arms and this fool Parker could have had a lifetime of loving Buffy and he threw it away. He had driven Sunnydale. He had found Parker coming from The Bronze and he had a "little talk" with him, in demon face. He was assured by the little talk Parker would never mutter an unkind word or hurt Buffy again.

And then, there had been Riley. He had spent many sleepless days thinking of Buffy with Riley. He couldn't help it. He wanted her to be happy with someone else. That didn't mean he had to like it or that he didn't have to hurt. And he wasn't even going to think about Spike.

Angel tried to shake off these intruding thoughts and hold on to temporary euphoria the dream always left him with, it was no good. The dream was gone replaced by the reality that he was in Los Angeles and Buffy was in Sunnydale. And they both were so far away from each other emotionally they might as well be in a different dimension or on a different planet.

He could never give Buffy a normal life. Now that his soul had been anchored he could make love to her, he could not give her children, he could never walk through the park with her on a sunny day, he could not grow old with her. He could offer her nothing. His love was all he had to offer.

But what the Hell was so Great about a normal life. It would probably tear his heart out to watch Buffy grow old and die. Would it feel any worse than never knowing where she was, if she was happy, if she was safe. He'd love Buffy if she was gray haired, stooped over wrinkled and toothless. Every time he looked at her he'd see the little girl who was destined to be a Slayer, who wore her heart on her sleeve and held her friends close to her. Maybe their normal life wouldn't be a house in the suburbs and 2.5 children. Maybe it was patrolling cemeteries, killing rogue demons, staking vampires, watching each other's back, keeping each other safe. Loving each other. Maybe that was their normal life.

Perhaps this was selfish on his part. But he couldn't continue like this. Each day he was away from Buffy a little part of him shriveled up and died. He didn't even know if Buffy still loved him. He wanted to think that she did. But he couldn't be sure. He'd talked with her over the telephone and when she had found out about Connor and Cordelia her voice had changed, became flat. There was no emotion in her voice. He felt like he was talking to a automaton, not a person. She had told him to keep in touch. He had called her several times in the last few months, but Willow always told him she wasn't there or she was with Spike. She never returned his calls.

With all that said still he had been having this dream for months now. The same dream over and over again. Each time he had the dream it became more vivid, more real. There had to be a reason for this continuing dream. Was it his desire, to be with Buffy? To find a way to be a part of her life? Or was it just some new curse and torment to make him dream over and over for a life he could never have?

He had to find out about this dream. He needed to know if there was a chance for him and Buffy. He needed to know if there was some way they could be together. If He, Buffy and Connor could be a family.

There had to be a way he could be with Buffy. He would not allow anything to defeat him. He was not going to let jealously, anger and mistakes stop him from being with Buffy. He had to show Buffy how much he loved her. How much he was willing to give and give up to be with her.

He had gone to the PTB after Connor was born and demanded that his soul be anchored. His fear that Angelus would be released due to his happiness was too much of a threat. He had to be sure that the happiness clause was erased from his curse. He had to minimize the chance of Angelus appearing now that he had Connor. The PTB had honored his request. Now he had another request for them.

Angel knew he had to go see The Powers That Be.

* * * * * * * * *

Angel was in the domain of the PTB. The PTB were formless. They were only voices and energy floating around in the cavern.

"What do you want?" the voices asked.

"I have a request," Angel said.

"What type of request?" the voices asked.

"I have been having a recurring dream about 'The Joining'. I know I must have the blessing of the Powers That Be to join with a human girl. I seek that blessing now."

"A Joining is nothing to be taken on lightly," the male voice warned. "The human has to promise to be your life mate, your soul mate for an eternity. And humans are so fickle not many are up to this type of commitment. It would be better to just live with this human without the commitment of a Joining. Besides human life span is so short anyway."

"No. I can't give her the human form of marriage, I will give her what I can give, the security and the eternity of my love. If the human girl I have chosen, if she will accept me, my love, this commitment, do I have your permission to Join with her?" Angel asked looking around the empty cavern.

They did not answer for a long time. Their voices softly humming within the room.

"This human you seek to join with is Buffy Summers is it not," they asked in unison.

"It is", Angel confirmed.

"Did you not come to us just short months ago asking for help with the human girl Cordelia and did we not give you this help? Now you are back asking for a blessing to join with a different human woman. You ask too much! And Is this Buffy not the Slayer?" the male voice inquired. "Is it not her destiny to kill vampires?"

"Yes," Angel answered. "It's hard to explain. He hesitated, "Uh..............., we have a past. We once shared a very strong bond. I know it's a little unusual a Vampire in love with a Slayer." Angel laughed derisively. "I've been told this before. And I don't seem to be the only Vampire who has fallen for her heart. I know the pit falls."

Angel started to pace. "But I can't help how I feel. I feel empty without her. Oh there have been others. They can't fill the void. It's always there. I don't care how much I love another, I don't love them enough."

He stopped and brooded for a moment. "I can love another, but it doesn't fulfill this hole in me. " Angel pointed to his heart. and smiled sardonically, "Huh, it doesn't beat, but it never felt like this before; empty. Lately it has felt ," he helpless searched for the words to explain a loneliness and torment he could not explain. "empty." He hesitated for several minutes. He finally finished "Without her in my life, I feel like what I am---a dead man."

"When others look at me they see a vampire with a soul. That's all they see. They tolerate and even accept the demon within me. Buffy has been the only one who looks at me and treats me like a man. She has seen the demon that lives with in me," he thought to Buffy kissing his demon face at the skating ring, "and she can love me as a man and as a vampire. She loves the Total me. Not just Angel, She loves Angel/Angelus."

Angel laughed derisively, "She has seen my strengths, my weaknesses, my good and all my evil, and she still loves ALL of me. You know our history. You can pull up our lives live a motion picture. I don't have to pretend around Buffy, I don't have to be the strong one. I can just be Angel for better or worse she accepts me. I can't say that about anyone else. Buffy is the only one."

Exasperated Angel spoke to the emptiness, "I can't help loving her and I'm Damn tired of thinking others can take her place in my heart." Angel breathed in a look of contentment settled over him. "I walked out on our love. Instead of fighting for our love, instead of looking for a way for us to be together, I walked away from her, from us, from our love, from everything we meant to each other."

Angel shook his head in disbelief. As if he was finally realizing his stupidity and unable to accept he had been this big of a fool. "I don't know if she'll ever forgive me for that," his voice was pained, barely above a whisper. "I'm wiser now. I'm stronger."

"Well," the female voice spoke. "Let's see exactly what you are willing to do have a life with this human."

They spoke in unison, "For us to grant this to you, you must face many trials. You should think on this seriously. The price for your request may be very high. We can't tell you what these trials will be or how long they will last. We can only tell you they will not be easy. Most will threaten your life, and if you aren't strong enough it may cost you your life."

The male voice floated towards Angel, he could feel its energy hovering inches in front of him. "You only need to pass the first trial to Join with the girl Buffy Summers. We will tell you this, the trial will be soon. We will contact you when we are ready. Leave us now!" The voices began to float away

"Wait, Angel exclaimed. "I have more to ask."

They turned around. "What more?", the male voice demanded.

Angel placed a black velvet box on the pedestal beside the vase. A large silver cross on a chain was inside.

"Is this a present for us?" the female voice asked.

"No," Angel answered. He motioned towards the black velvet box. "I gave this to Buffy when we first met, for protection. I want a piece of the orb of Thesula that holds my soul to be placed in the center of the cross. I want to present it to Buffy at our Joining."

"You are confident that you will pass our trials?" the male voice asked.

Angel smiled for the first time. He thought about his dream. "Perhaps not all of them, but I know the first one is bagged."

The female voice spoke, "Very well. After you have completed your first trial you may come back and pick up the cross."

"But," warned the male voice, "your Joining does not exempt you from completing your other trials.

"Now LEAVE US," the voices shouted.

The Host jumped as Angel appeared stumbling for balance right in front of his eyes. "Can't you announce yourself", he said waving his arms around dramatically. "I almost fainted," he exaggerated. "Well," the Host demanded when Angel was pushed back into the antechamber. "Did they grant your request."

Angel started walking towards the entrance. "Yes," was his only answer. He didn't elaborate. He totally ignored the Host's incessant questions about the terms and conditions for his request. He had what he came for.

Before they left the antechamber of the Powers That Be the Host placed his hand on Angel's shoulder and walked in front of him. "Does Cordelia know?"

Angel said nothing, his face remained impassive.

"Mmmhm," the Host interpreted. "She going to be hurt. In her hurt and anger she's going to lash out at you, the others and Buffy. The demon will take over for awhile" The Host sighed as if receiving the last of a clear picture. "She'll heal." The host smiled mysteriously. "Her true love has been with her all along. She just couldn't see him. Now that you're stepping out, she will." The host turned from Angel and started walking towards the entrance. "Come on Tall, Dark and Brooding, I'll buy you a drink. Still favor that Better Than Human."

"Lorne, you know my poison."

* * * * * * * * * *

It was dark when he got back to the hotel. He was dreading this. Lorne had advised him to wipe the slate clean immediately. Lorne had never led him astray before. Angel knew he had to talk with Cordelia tonight. He had dreaded this all the way here. It couldn't be put off. He still didn't know what to say or how to say it. They'd been a little jumpy around each other lately. Perhaps Cordelia already knew what he was about to tell her. She had been an important part of his life for three (3) years now. She had been a good friend. A loyal friend. He'd just start and hopefully Cordelia would finish the conversation, tell him that they could no longer see each other. Tell him they had to be friends.

Gunn and Cordelia were at the front desk when Angel walked in. Fred was off to the side just laying Connor down. Through the open office door he could see Wesley, leaning over a old tattered book. His favorite pass time.

"Hey", Fred greeted with her soft Texas drawl, "the little guy played his self out. He'll need his bath, bottle and he'll be ready for bed."

Angel smiled his appreciation to Fred. "Thanks I'll take him upstairs in a few minutes."

"Where have you been?" Cordelia asked looking up from the computer. Gunn was leaning over her shoulder, pointing at something on the screen.

"I had a few errands to run", Angel answered.

"What kind of errands?" Cordelia asked looking at him. "I could have went with you. I had a few errands to run myself."

"Nothing special just -- just a few personal errands," he stuttered.

Cordelia pushed her chair back. Gunn took the seat she vacated. Cordelia got up and walked around the reception area. She lightly brush Angel's cheek with a quick kiss. She smiled, "Too personal to include me."

Angel was a little awkward. "Cordelia we need to talk." Angel placed his hand in the small of her back and led her out in the courtyard.

They had been out in the courtyard for several minutes. Cordelia was sitting on the stone bench. Angel was slowly pacing with his back turned away from Cordelia. Cordelia was use to that. Angel was a little melodramatic. He probably wanted to talk about how quickly their relationship was moving. She waited. She'd let him do the melodramatic thing, then she would reassure him that it was alright. They would slow down and everything would be alright. Slowly make a life together. He'd be his usual brooding self again, they'd go see a movie tonight and everything would be back to normal.

He turned around and looked at her. She was smiling at him. He realized this was not going to be easy. He had never been good at this emotional stuff. No, that wasn't true Buffy had been the only one he had ever been truly comfortable with when it came to the emotional stuff.

He started rather awkwardly. "Cordelia, we've known each other for a long time. We been through quite a lot with each other. It would make two people cling to each other. Confuse a lot of things." He hesitated.

Cordelia smiled encouragingly at him. She had a look on her face as if she knew what he was about to say. Angel took a deep breath, and tried again, "I love you, you know that."

Cordelia smiled, "I love you too Angel." The encouraging smiled was going to be his undoing.

Angel started again this time with more resolve, "I love you, Cordelia, but.......I'm not in love with you."

There he had said it. Simple and to the point. He watched Cordelia's face. He knew the exact moment that she understood what he was saying. She searched his face. He would have done anything to replace the hurt he saw in Cordelia's eyes, but he couldn't. Cordelia jumped up and slapped him hard across the face. He didn't move. With all her might Cordelia slapped him again on the same cheek. Her demon face coming to the forefront and then disappearing.

"You low life, undead bastard," she yelled in his face. "I mean just like that", tears were running down her face, her voice was trembling, "you love me, but you are not in love with me. How long, Angel? Huh? How long have you known this?" she shoved her finger in his chest. "How long?" she yelled again.

"For a while," Angel answered softly avoiding giving her a definite time.

"Don't give me that bull!" Cordelia voice rose another octave.

Angel looked and Gunn, Wesley, and Fred were standing in the door taking in the scene.

"How long? When did you know?" She grabbed the front of his shirt and tried to shake him. "When? Damn you tell me, when?"

Angel lowered his head and looked Cordelia in her tear filled eyes, "The night we first made love. I knew then." He voice was soft, barely audible as if every word was torn from deep within.

Cordelia shoved him back from her, looked at him as if it took every once of strength in her not to stake him and ran from the courtyard, through the doors into the hotel. He heard Gunn, Wesley, and Fred call her name. He heard her footsteps as she ran and slammed the door to the ladies room. He heard Fred follow her.

He just stood there motionless. Wesley and Gunn watched him from the doorway. Unsure of who to comfort, unsure of what had happened, what was expected of them. Angel gave them no clues on how to proceed. He was still standing where he had been standing since Cordelia had run from the courtyard. He stood as still as the dead of night that surrounded him.

"That went well," he chided himself. He did not move.

Part Two

Buffy

I just did a double shift at the Double Meat Palace. How pathetic is that? Can my life suck more? Oh, yeah it can. On my break a week ago I fucked Spike against the wall in the alley among the smelly, slimy trash and garbage. Fucked him again a few nights later in his crypt adding more scratches and bruises to the one's still trying to heal and to top everything off I let him fuck me in public at the Bronze while my friends danced and enjoyed themselves. It's official I've sunk to the lowest of the low. My back, thighs and ass are covered with scratches and bruises from being banged against the wall as he rammed into me and finally spilled inside me. Ugh! As much as I hate to fill his cold seed spilling inside me I've kept going back for more. All he had to do was mention I might not be human and what little self-esteem I have would shatter and next thing I know he'd be pumping into me. Yeah, it is official, she thought. My life sucks. But I have made one major decision. I told Spike after Tara told me I'm human that I was through being his fuck toy. He didn't believe me but that his prob. I can show him better than I can tell him.

I'm having enough problems just dealing with the Andrew, Warren and Jonathan's shit. Just to think those brainiacs almost had me believing I killed Katrina. They tried to frame me for murder. Using those demons as their cover. Those brainiacs are so dead. Deader that dead. Well, as soon as I find them. The only good thing that has come out of this week is the fact Tara has allayed my fears that I came back as a demon. I'm Human. 100% the Buffy that left. Physically if not mentally and emotionally. Because to have been fucking Spike for this long I have to be a little messed mentally and emotionally. But all that's behind me. I told Spike this was the end to the freaky fuck show we have, she thought with satisfaction.

Buffy took another sip of her mocha. The house didn't seem the same Buffy thought without her Mom. Sitting at the Kitchen Island seemed a little lonely without her Mom standing nearby making her something to eat. Or just asking questions about Buffy's plans for the day. She never thought that she would say this but she missed being a kid. She missed having curfews, and having someone else plan her life. She wasn't ready to be an adult yet. She had never had a chance to really be a kid. Now she never would.

Working at the Doublemeat Palace. Doing a double shift just about every day. She needed the money. Bills had to be paid and she had to proved to Social Services that she could financially support Dawn. Slayer and Fast food worker. Her professions for life. Pathetic, much.

Buffy sipped on her mocha coffee. She was in a purple pastel cotton pajama set. Hair still damp from her shower. It took two to three shampoos every night to wash the smell of hamburger, chicken and french fry grease out of her hair.

She didn't like this self-pity she found her self-wallowing in from time to time. It wasn't productive. She didn't have time to ask Why Me. She had to worry about paying bills, making sure Dawn did her homework, went to school, didn't hang out with the wrong crowd, didn't have sex. These were probably some of the same concern's her Mom had for her. And once her Mom found out about the slaying deal she had more to worry about.

"Can I join?"

Buffy looked up at Willow standing in the doorway. It was 12:42 a.m. She smiled as Willow walked in the kitchen in long oversized t-shirt as her wolf animal head slippers made a swishing noise. She wondered if it was a conscious decision to buy wolf head slippers. Buffy shrugged knowing Willow it was. Although she loved Tara, Ox would still have a special place in Willow's heart. Buffy let out a sigh. Both of them needed to be in bed, but what the heck. Misery loved company.

"Yeah, Will come join in the sulkage," Buffy said.

Willow smiled and walked over to the counter, made a cup of tea and came and sat down across from Buffy.

"Why the late nighter, Buff?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Just sort of reflecting."

"Miss your Mom a lot tonight , huh?" Willow asked understanding some of Buffy's sad mood.

Buffy gave Willow a sad little smile. Of everyone Will was the one who knew her best. The one who could read her moods. "Yeah," Buffy breathed. "It's weird, you know. You spend your whole childhood and teenage years rushing to grow up and when you're finally get some adult responsibility you want to be a child again."

"Yeah," Willow agreed. "Don't I know it. At least in high school things were simple. I knew whom I loved. I knew what I wanted. I still liked guys. I don't know anything now. I'm just floating along, hoping I'm doing the right thing, following the right path. You know. I didn't have a flaming all consuming love life in high school but at least I had one I understood ." She waved her hands around.

"Yeah, I know. I mean take my love life. Let's start with Angel.. It should have been simple. We loved each other. We wanted to be together. Yes, vampire he, vampire slayer me. We'd both came to terms with that and accepted it. It should have been enough, but NO..... the curse that restored his soul also keeps us apart!" And then there's Darla, Connor and CORDELIA!!!. Of everyone in LA he could have fallen in love with, he falls in love with Cordelia." Buffy croaked. "Cordelia, why didn't he just come and steak me in the heart. Oh, and let's not forget to add to the mix that I've made kiss, kiss goo goo and pelvic with his nemesis Spike. Angel and I should have just finished each other off and saved on the drama!!"

Willow covered Buffy's hand with hers and squeezed. "I'm sorry Buffy. But if it helps I don't think he loves Cordelia like he loved----loves you. I mean think about it. Riley loved you and the two of you were together for a year. Did you love him like you loved Angel?"

"No," Buffy admitted dejectedly. "I just couldn't love him like I should have," she said sadly.

Willow continued, "Spike, I think it was just you trying to grab on to the familiar. You know with him being a vampire and all, and your main love being a vampire. My pulling you from Heaven back here and you being all confused, and Angel not being here to help you through this. All right, Angel's cuter, and taller and he's got that sexy, brooding good-bad thing going, but you know what I'm talking about. Maybe, Spike was like a Copy, no, no, no a poor substitute."

Willow tried to clarify, "What I'm trying to say is I think how you felt about Spike's a little like how Angel feels about Cordelia. I mean sure Angel may love Cordelia. But he can't give her his heart. You already have that and you and Angel are really faithful types. He can't give his heart because you already own it, and you can't give away your heart because he owns it."

Buffy reached over and hugged Willow. "Thanks Will. If it wasn't for you and Tara I don't know how I'd survive this whole Spike thing. I still can't believe that I let him do those things to me and that I kept going back for more. You know he threatened me with telling all you about us. I was so scared that you all would hate me or think that I had finally freaked. I'm so glad I 'fessed up to you. Thank you for being there for me Will. For not turning your back on me. For listening to me. You always know how to make me feel better."

She and Willow were quiet for a few minutes. The silence was comforting. Two friends sharing each other's worries, each other fears, each other's frustrations.

"Do you still love him?" Willow clarified, "Angel?"

Buffy sipped her coffee and got that goofy look on her face that Willow only saw when she talked about Angel. "Yeah, Will, I do. I don't care how much I try I can't stop. I'm angry at him, I'm hurt, but if he walked in that door right now and asked me to forgive him and take him back." Buffy sighed in resignation. "I would." Buffy smiled derisively, "Pathetic, huh? I haven't heard from the guy in months and I'd run and grovel at his feet if stepped in the door?"

Willow thought that this might be the time to tell Buffy that Angel called every week, sometimes twice a week to check on her. Willow decided against it. If Angel and Buffy were going to get back together it was up to them to take the steps to do it.

Buffy smiled at her best friend. "Willow is everything okay with you and Tara? And what's up with Amy? I saw her tonight at the Palace and she asked about you. She was acting all weird. Totally wigged me."

Willow gave Buffy one of her little sad smiles, "Tara's still hurt and angry about the whole magic addiction thing. And after what Glory did to her I had no right to play with her mind like that. It was wrong. She feels as if I betrayed her and I guess I did. I just have to prove to her I'm trying. That I'm getting better. It's not easy, but I love her and I'll do what I have to do to prove that she is more important to me than some ole magic! I just wish she'd give me another chance. I'm all for the grovelage. I just need to know that she will eventually forgive me and take me back. As for the Amy thing. I had to warn Amy to stay away from me. I think I may have made an enemy. I'm a little worried about what she might do. I don't really trust her."

Buffy felt the hurt and frustration in every word Willow said. And her heart went out to her. She could slay monsters, demons and vampires. She couldn't fix Willow and Tara's love life. Hell, she couldn't even fix her own. And she wasn't sure how to deal with Amy. As of yet Amy hadn't done anything to harm anyone.

"Willow you lost your way. So, did I. We are both back on the path of the straight and narrow now no matter how hard it's going to get." Buffy playfully puffed out her chest. "We are now back to being normal. Whatever that means." She squeezed Willow's hand. "I'm really proud of you. I know how hard it has been for you. I've seen you struggling but you stuck with it. You have been really brave and strong. Stronger than I could ever be. And plus did you not save my life from the palace an senior-citizen-bald-headed-wig-wearing-snakey-demon-woman no magic used."

Willow laughed, "Hey yeah, I did, didn't I. I ground her into…...ewww. Buffy you did clean the grinder didn't you?"

Buffy laughed. "Yeah, Will I made sure it was cleaned and disinfected. Told them a rat had ran in it and got mushed. Sounded better than telling them a snake demon thingy had been ground."

"Good," Will said. "Now we have to worry about Andrew, Warren and Jonathan. Sheesh. I don't think we'll ever get a break around here." They were both silent for a moment.

Buffy thought about calling Tara and telling her how far Willow had come; asking her to forgive Willow and give Willow another chance. She knew it was not her place to meddle in their lives. It was up to Willow and Tara to work out the problems it their relationship. She just needed to be there for Willow to lean on when she needed a friend.

"Buffy what happened when you met with Angel."

Buffy knew the question was Willow's attempt to change the subject and for now she'd let her.

"Same Ole, Same Ole, Will. He said he loved me but he can't give me a normal life. He wants me to have a normal life," she stressed by waving her coffee cup around and spilling a little mocha on the island counter.

"Plus we kissed it got out of control, next thing I know we were rolling around in bed half naked about to get groiny, before we got control. He totally freaked. Then he went into his speech you know the one where he wants me to have 2.5 kids, a home in the suburbs, blah, blah, blah." Buffy waved her hand dismissively in the air. "You know the rest of the story. Couldn't have a kid by me but knocked up Darla, vampire mistress, can't have a life or make love with me but from what I understand he's fucking Miss Cordy's brains out," she finished bitterly. "He never bothers to ask what I want. He just tells me what he wants for me."

"I bet the fucking part is something Spike told you," Willow said derisively. "He's just trying to make you angry at Angel."

"He's succeeded. Spike said that since Cordy was part demon Angel could fuck her without consequence to his soul. I'm truly pissed at Angel. First Darla now Cordelia. He seems to be fucking everyone but me. Maybe Angelus was right when he told me I was a lousy lay," she finished dejectedly.

"He was so not right," Willow said emphatically then blushed profusely. "What I mean is that he said those things to hurt you. You know he was lying," she clarified. "Maybe the reason Angel can be with them---you know in the naked sense and not with you is because he fucks them but he makes love to you," she soothed. "There is a difference you know."

"Believe me Will I know. After Parker and Spike. I know the difference between making love and fucking." Then Buffy gave a genuine laugh. Rubbing her ass. She had bruises to prove she knew the difference. "Willow have you realized you and I have been using the word fucking and we haven't blushed once. Boy are we getting old and jaded."

Willow thought about it and said, "No we're not getting old and jaded. We have matured and realized that fucking is a part of life and therefore must be discussed like any mature topic between girlfriends so we can make a informed decision on whether we want to be fucked or made love to. I for one want to be made love to. Well, occasional fucking isn't too bad. As long as it isn't all your lover knows how to do."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. It was still hard to believe she and Willow were having this conversation. "You're right Willow. Fucking is fun but it isn't ---bonding. It's just for pleasure. That's its only purpose. I think making love is establishing a bond--mental, emotional, spiritual and physical bond. It's putting down roots in a relationship."

Willow looked at Buffy clearly impressed on her definition of fucking and making love. "I couldn't have said it better myself," she admitted smiling at her best friend. They were silent for a few minutes.

"So, what do you want, Buffy? Do you still want the," Willow made quotation marks with her fingers in the air, "normal life Angel left so you could have?"

"No! I mean not a normal normal life. I want a normal life for me an Angel. I don't know what that is right now. I just want to be with Angel! I can deal with not consummating the relationship if that was what we had to do. I would give anything for one of Angel's kisses, to feel him touch my face, to hold hands, to hear him whisper my name, read me a verse of poetry, to look in his eyes and see his love, his longing to be with ME, not slay girl. ME. Buffy.

The pain etched Buffy's voice. Willow watched a tear fall down Buffy's face and Buffy dashed it away. "I can deal without sex. Believe me it was the BEST I ever had with Angel, I'll never forget it. I'll hold on to that night for the rest of my life. And if that's all that destiny will give me with Angel, I'll deal," she confessed softly. "What I can't deal with," she choked up a little, "What, I.......I can't deal with......is not having Angel in my life. It's breaking my heart."

'Well." Willow said reaching over and wiping the tears from Buffy's cheek, "have you told him that."

Buffy stared at Willow. When was the last time she had told Angel all she needed was him? All she wanted was him. Was it the night in the cemetery when they were hunting the Gorches? Was it right before the prom? She couldn't remember. Could she put aside her pride and tell him? Did he still love her? Was their love just a distant memory to him now? Was Cordelia his true love, his true soul mate now? She needed time to think. She had to think of what to do. She wanted Angel. If Giles had taught her anything it was strategy. She wanted Angel she had to come up with a strategy to get him back. Maybe dropping in on him in that little hot red number she had bought the other day. All was fair in love and war. She smiled. She knew she'd never do that but it was fun imagining the look on Angel's face when he saw her in that red dress. She could make a call. Just put out a feeler. See what happened.

"And," Willow blushed a little and rushed on "Tara and I can't consummate our love making in the heterosexual conventional sense but we still manage to please each other. You know." She tried to hurry and finish she didn't know how weird this conversation was to Buffy. "You and Angel can do a lot of things beside the pelvic thrust to give each other pleasure. I know you are both experienced enough to know that. With over 240 years of sex Angel has to know every move in the book. I do mean every move."

Buffy looked at Willow. "What did I do to deserve a friend like you. Maybe you should take your own advice. Tell Tara she is all you need. And I need to call and tell Angel he is all I need." She looked over at the telephone. She wasn't quite ready. She had to plan her strategy. Soon.

* * * * * * * * *

She was dreaming. She knew it. She and Angel were kneeling facing each other. He had just drink her blood. And she was ecstatic about it, but a little light headed from the blood loss. She was feeling an emotion for Angel that was so raw, so primal so deep she could not name it. Love seems to pale in comparison to what she was feeling.

Around her neck she wore her cross with the orb of Thesulah in the center. She wore a part of his soul. It had burned into his throat as he drank from her. She wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. Licking the bottom of his lip, she accepted the total possession of his kiss. The Joining was complete. She didn't know how she knew but she knew this was a Joining ceremony. In a double circle they Joined, as life mates, soul mates, lovers for an eternity.

She sat up with a jolt. Her beside light was on. Since Willow had brought her back she occasionally needed a light on at night. She smiled when she thought about it. She was the Slayer. Vampires and demons and creatures of the night would laugh if they knew she needed a light on to go to sleep.

Was the dream real? She could ask Willow, but this dream felt a little too personal. If it was real, if it was true there may be some kind of hope for her and Angel. She couldn't risk telling anyone about this dream. She couldn't risk doing something that would hamper her dream from becoming a reality.

She thought about the dream. She and Angel would be eternal Lovers as much as they could with his curse. Lovers. Angel had been her first lover. And although it had been only that one time, actually four times that night if you wanted to keep count. Angel had brought her pleasure many times before he consummate their union. She smiled a siren's smile. And although it had been her first time and she was a little awkward and shy she had brought Angel just as many pleasurable moments before the union was consummated. Angel had been such a gentle, patient, passionate lover. And each time the act was consummated she felt as if her soul was taking flight. Unfortunately, Angel's did.

She had three other lovers. Parker who was more of a user than a lover and Riley. She wanted to love Riley with all her heart, but she couldn't. She couldn't love Riley with all her heart because she no longer had possession of her heart. It belonged to Angel. It would probably belong to him forever. So she had tried to give Riley all she had left to give. It was not enough for him. He wanted more and she had no more to give. He had been a great lover, tender, compassionate. He had taught her a lot. But in the end Angel had ruined her for all others. She would never feel the physical bond with any man the way she had felt with Angel.

Then there was Spike. There was no gentleness in his touch. She and Spike were both a little battered and bruised after their little trysts. Pure unadulterated passion and lust was what they shared. Spike showed her the dark carnal side of sex. Yes, she had enjoyed it but she didn't want it for the rest of her life. Bottom line she didn't love Spike.

Each of her lovers had taught her something: Angle taught her tenderness, gentleness and pleasure of making love; Parker taught her the harshness of being used for casual sex; Riley taught her the need of young passion and Spike taught her lust, mixed with a little pain. Above all Spike taught her how to fuck. That's is what she and Spike did. They fucked. There were no pretty words to dress up what was between them. It was raw and elemental. It was fucking.

She knew that it didn't matter if she and Angel never consummated their love again. There were other ways to make love without risking Angel's soul. They would just have to experiment with those. Just being with Angel would be enough for her. She wondered if it would be enough for him.

She looked at the telephone. She had Angel's private number. She could call and talk to him. She wouldn't tell him about the dream she would just feel him out. Maybe just let him know she was thinking about him. See if he was still thinking about her. She really wanted to know if he still loved her. It had been eating at her for months. She needed to know if Angel cared about her. NO! She needed to know if Angel still loved her.

Buffy pushed the covers back and got up. The dream had conjured up memories that she tried to keep buried deep. The night of her 17th birthday. The night Angel introduced her to the world of making love. Her breathing was a little shallow just thinking about it. Those were some hot memories. She could still feel Angel's lips kissing her throat, her neck, nibbling but not biting down on her neck, kissing her shoulders, gently caressing her body, kissing her midriff, circling his tongue in her navel........ Whew, she had to stop these memories or she would never get back to sleep.

She walked to the window and looked out. There was so much between them now. Not just the curse, the miles separating Sunnydale from LA, but Darla, and Connor. Spike and Cordelia. It hurt. Every time she thought of Angel and Darla and Cordelia together her stomach and her heart twisted in a knot. She wondered if Angel felt the same way when he thought about her with Parker, Riley or Spike.

And there was Connor. She'd never met him. She knew that Angel was a great Dad to Connor. Anyone who knew Angel would know what a loving father he would be.

The dream. Was it another one of her portents? Or just wishful dreaming. She'd been having this dream for months now. She thought it was because she had lost the cross Angel had given her. She hadn't seen it since she left the motel the night they checked out. She had called the Motel and even posted a reward for the return of the cross, but so far no one had returned it.

She walked away from the window. She pulled a silk black pajama shirt from a hanger in her closet. She felt sweaty, clammy, a little restless. She would go take a quick shower and maybe she could get back to sleep.

She opened her bedroom door and stepped back into her room closing the door behind her. The sleeves of the pajama shirt were rolled up two or three times and the shirt fell below her knees but she loved this pajama shirt it still carried a faint scent of Angel on it. She could sometimes get at least 4 hours of sleep when she wore this shirt.

She didn't see the figure sitting on the inside of her window when she walked back in the bedroom. She sensed his presence and turned around. She gave an impatient sigh when she looked over and locked eyes with his blue ones. "What do ya want, Spike. It's late....Well, I'm sure it's lunchtime for you, but it's late for me and I have to be at work early tomorrow. I'm opening up."

"You don't have to work there. I'll get you the money you need, Pet."

"Please don't call me by that name. You use to call Dru, Pet. Besides I'm not an animal, I'm a person," Buffy said wearily walking over and leaning against the dresser to stare at him.

"Tsk, tsk, Pet," he taunted, "You might not be as much person as you think."

"Look, Spike," Buffy spat, losing patience, her anger surfacing. "You've gotten all the mileage you're going to get out of that one. I told you Tara researched it. I'm as human now as I was when I died. Your chip just can't recognized it. But still Demon or not, you and I and our little disgusting fuck show is over."

"You don't mean that, Slayer," he said coming forward deciding to kiss and fuck her until she changed her mind.

Buffy put her hand up in front of her a hard glint in her eyes. Spike stopped realizing the Slayer was serious. Kissing and fucking was not an option tonight.

"It-is-over-Spike. Finished," she hissed.

"What? Ashamed because you're darling friends might find out that you were fucking a soulless vamp? A little late for regrets now, Pet," he sneered.

"You're wrong Spike it's never too late for regrets. Regrets will keep me from making this mistake again. I know what we did was wrong because I regret every minute of it. And let's just call our last time together my eye-opening-I-don't-want-to-do-this-anymore-good-bye-sympathy-fuck, from me to you."

For a moment Buffy was sorry for her words when she saw Spike's crestfallen face.

He took a menacing step towards her. Buffy pulled her hand from behind her back and showed him the stake in her hand.

"Planning on staking me, Slayer?" he asked bitterly. His eyes shooting icicles at her.

"Not unless you make me," she responded quietly. He was shocked to see the steely determination on her face. He knew then that she didn't want to stake him, but if she had to she would. It made everything clear to him then. Angel had killed her classmates, Giles lover and still she didn't kill him. She only killed Angel when he tried to bring Hell to Earth. If not for that she may have never tried to kill her beloved Angel. And then she really didn't kill him. She sent him to Hell, but she didn't kill him.

For minutes their eyes did battle. Finally, resigned Spike turned away from her. He leaned with his forearms against the windowsill staring out into the night. "I love you Slayer. haven't I proved that to you. And the other night didn't I try to get rid or that girl's body to protect you. I love you. Why can't you see that?"

"No, Spike you don't." Spike didn't turn at her response, but his body stiffened. "You love the fact that you've fucked a Slayer. That you've fucked your Sire's mate."

At those words Spike whipped around startled by her admission.

"Oh, yes I know. I know what the mark on my neck is about. Giles told me when I questioned him after Dracula bit me and left no mark. You see the master didn't mark me either, but Angel did. Giles finally gave in and told me what Angel did," she said.

"He may have marked you, but he left you to fend for yourself. He left you alone to die without him to back you up. He had to know that without his strength that eventually some vamp or demon would kill you. And he didn't care. He left you here and ran away to LA and started a new life with Cordelia and now he even has a son. And guess what Pet, while you were dying he was saving Cordelia. Some Mate you have," Spike finished bitterly.

Every word cut Buffy to the core. He only put in words what she had been thinking herself. Buffy grimaced as his words hit home. "You should leave Spike, before I have to sweep you up in a dust pan."

"I'm leaving Slayer, but you'll come crawling back," he predicted, "The fucking I'm giving you is the best you've ever had."

"No, it isn't," Buffy refuted not breaking eye contact with him. "You see you only know how to do one thing. FUCK. Angel knows when it's time to Fuck Me and when it's time to Make love to Me. You don't. AND Angel knew leaving me battered and bruised was not showing his love for me. Fucking doesn't have to mean pain. It can be just pleasure. Maybe when you are as old as Angel you'll understand that." She knew her words cut his ego but she was beyond caring.

"Cold hearted Bitch," he sneered.

"Funny words coming from you. At least my heart beats," Buffy taunted. "If anyone is cold hearted in this room," she tilted her head to the side taunting him further, "It would be you."

Spike's blue eyes shot icicles at Buffy for a few minutes and then he was gone. Buffy picked up the bottle of holy water off her dresser walked over to the windows, she shut them , locked them and sprinkled them with holy water. She hung crosses over both windows.

She walked over to the bed and laid down. "That went well," she mused sardonically as she pulled the covers over her. Strangely even after the heated confrontation she felt more at ease than she had in weeks. More in control. More like Buffy. She smiled turned over, hugged Mr. Gordo to her and drifted off to sleep. She left on the beside light.

Angel

It had been a difficult week. Cordelia hadn't been in to work for three days. Fred finally went to talk to her and she did come back. The office atmosphere was strained and tense. Cordelia all but ignored his presence. If he entered the room she left. The rest of the team was blaming him for hurting her. Gunn was the most out spoken on the subject. Fred gave him a dejected look as if he had ruined some type of fairy tale. And Wesley, well let's just say Wesley asked him if he knew the word tact. It had been a difficult week in LA. If not for Connor and Lorne he would have pulled his hair out.

Angel was in his rooms rocking Connor to sleep. He looked down at this son. And his dead heart swelled. His Son. He had a son. He'd never get over that feeling of disbelief and then joy.

He would be making a trip to Sunnydale in another week. Willow had called him tonight. It was rather late for her to call. Her words seemed like the sign he was waiting on. She was short and to the point. If you still want Buffy and want a life with her you need to get off your pathetic ass and make your move, Now! He smiled Willow had certainly changed. He couldn't ever remember hearing Willow use profanity the entire time he was in Sunnydale. Yeah, things had changed. But Willow had been the one shinning moment in an utterly bleak week.

He wasn't sure how he was going to approach Buffy, but he'd worry about that when he got to Sunnydale. Buffy's birthday was coming up. A good reason to use to visit. Plus she'd never seen Connor. He could take Connor to introduce him to his Sunnydale friends. Yes, friends. If no one else he counted Willow as his friend, even if Xander was a toss up.

He stood up and placed Connor in his crib. He walked over to his dresser and picked up the intricate heavy silver frame. He pulled in out of its storage place last week. It was a picture of Buffy at the prom. Her hair long hanging down her back, falling around her shoulders. She looked so beautiful in that frosted pink dress. She had a sweet, haunting smile on her face. She looked absolutely lovely. He replaced the picture to its place of honor right next to his pictures of Connor.

He kicked off his shoes, started unbuttoning his shirt on his way to take a shower. Discarding his clothing as he went. The night was still young for him. He'd take a shower and then settle down to read. He started whistling something he rarely did.

This week had certainly taken a change. As far as he was concerned it was a change for the better.

Part Three

Buffy and Angel

He eased in her bedroom window like he'd done so many times in the past. He smiled. It had been almost three years since he climbed that tree, leap on the roof and came through her window. It felt good to be doing it again. He stood in front of her window and looked around her room. It looked the same and different. The difference was she had taken down some of her posters. Most were probably posters of teen singing groups. Maybe she felt she had outgrown them. He walked over to her dresser. She still had a collage of photos in frames and in the corners and taped around the mirror. There were a lot of pictures of Joyce, Dawn and Buffy together. A large professional photo of them took up prominence on her dresser. There were other pictures of Buffy, Willow and Xander. There were pictures of the three of them with Dawn, or Oz, Anya and Tara as part of the group. An older picture probably taken around high school graduation of the three with Giles and Cordelia sat near the edge of the dresser. There was a picture of Buffy on UC Sunnydale College campus sitting under a tree, sun turning her hair to glistening gold. He loved that picture except for one thing--Riley was sitting next to her, but still she seemed to glow in the sunshine. She even looked happy until you looked closely in her eyes. There was a far away look in them. Like she was there but not quite.

The one picture that took him by surprise was a picture of them together at her senior prom. He had a picture of the senior prom but it was only of her. He picked the picture up and traced the lines of her face with his fingers. He and Buffy were on the floor dancing. Buffy's head was lying on his chest, her arms wrapped around his neck. His cheek was lying on top of her head, his arms wrapped around her waist. Both of their eyes were closed and they looked...happy. He smiled wryly. Happy was not a word he would have associated with he and Buffy during that time of their relationship. That picture was taken after he told her of his plans to leave her. Maybe they were happy for having at least one more night in each other’s arms. He replaced the picture on the dresser.

He turned away from the pictures and concentrated on his surroundings. He could hear a shower in the distance. That was probably where Buffy was now. He heard two separate heartbeats. Rhythmic and steady breathing. Most likely Willow and Dawn. They were sleeping although Willow's sleep was a little agitated. He tried to detect Spike's scent in the room. It was there but very vague. It had been awhile since Spike had been in this room. He looked over at Buffy's bed and wondered if she and Spike had sex there. He had to close his eyes and focus to keep his anger and torment hidden. Whenever he thought about Spike touching Buffy he felt his dead heart shatter. He turned away from the bed.

He walked over to a hamper her scent pulling him to the discarded clothes laying on top. For some unknown reason he reached out and picked up the silver blue panties sitting on top of the pile. There wasn't much fabric. Just a strap of silk and lace. He thought the term for them was thongs. Before he lifted them to his nose her essence surrounded him. An Earthy, natural, sweet, musk with a hint of the vanilla fragrance she loved to wear. He inhaled deeply filling his senses with her essence.

"If you really wanted to smell me that bad, I woulda let you smell the real thing. If you'd just ask sweetly."

Angel turned to see Buffy standing in the doorway. The hallway light spilling in behind her making the cotton shirt she had on see through. He saw the outline of her full breast and the nipples pushing against the fabric. She wasn't wearing any underwear and the juncture between her thighs was visible to his vampiric eyes. She shut the door behind her and walked over to her bed bouncing down on it and looking up at him.

Angel had to swallow before he spoke. He gave Buffy a crooked half smile; "I'll keep that invitation in mind."

Buffy noticed that Angel was not embarrassed about being caught sniffing her panties and that he made no move to put the panties down. She also realized that she was not embarrassed that he had been sniffing her panties and actually it was sort of a turn on.

"You can keep those if you want," she offered in a slightly shy husky voice. And then shook herself. She didn't know why she'd be shy. After all the things that Spike had done to her the word shy shouldn't be in her vocabulary.

Angel gave her his seductive smile. "Thank you, I will."

She watched as he placed them in the pocket on the inside of this coat. He looked larger, more toned and muscled. He was dressed in his usual. He had on a long black wool double-breasted coat that reached his ankles, black jeans and black pullover. His pullover was neatly tucked in his pants and the buckle on his belt had and old fashioned intricate design. He looked like the night.

His hair was neatly combed and spiking at the top the way she loved. Same elegantly arched eyebrows and long silky eyelashes, long nose, slashing cheekbones and full sensuous lips. Angel was a dangerously handsome and seductive man.

"So," she said leaning back on her forearms, hoping she presented a sexy picture to him, "What's the what?"

He smiled. That was one of the things he'd missed all these years, Buffy-talk.

"Us," he said deciding to get straight to the point, be completely direct.

Always cryptic Buffy thought. "What about US?"

"That's what I'm here to find out Buffy. If there is a chance for US as in US together." He'd only been with her a few minutes and he was sounding like her.

"You mean US together as a COUPLE?" she asked clearly confused.

"I mean us together as a couple or whatever you will allow us to have together," he clarified.

For an answer Buffy just stared at him. He slowly walked over to her bed she scooted back not noticing that her t-shirt rode up on her thighs and Angel had an enticing view of what lay underneath the t-shirt. He sat at the end of her bed and lifted his eyes from the enticing view of her open thighs to her beautiful face.

"I d-don't know," she stammered. "I don't know if I'm ready for a repeat of the Buffy and Angel Heartbreak and Anguish Show. And there's just so much water over and under the bridge now. So much hurt and anger. And jealousy."

Angel shook his head in understanding. It did seem that heartbreak and anguish had become synonymous with their names. He briefly wondered what jealousy she was referring to. His jealousy of Spike or maybe her jealousy of Cordelia.

"And there's Connor," she said softly looking at him and he saw the hurt in her eyes. "As happy as I am for you, I'm still angry and hurt. I can forgive you sleeping with Darla. I understand the bad place you were at that time. I'm very hurt," she looked down and twisted the end of her t-shirt, "that you have a child--a child that's not mine and yours." There she thought, I have put my feelings into words.

With his forefinger Angel lifted Buffy's face to his. "I won't apologize for Connor, but I will apologize for hurting you. I never knew I could have children and now I don't think I could ever go on if anything ever happened to Connor. If I had been given a choice you know that you would have been the mother of my child, my children. Connor was a surprise gift to me. A miracle. He is as much a part of me as my soul. I love him and I love you. I hope that you can love him too."

Buffy gave him a sad half smile. His confession lessened the hurt, but it didn't erase it. Only time would heal that hurt. She got up from the bed and started pacing around her small room. Angel liked the tempting sight she made as her breast giggled under the t-shirt and her hips swayed gently beneath the clinging fabric. He was getting aroused just watching her.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want to give our relationship another chance. But you know I still harbor a lot of anger about the last three years. They've been the hardest years of my life and while I was struggling through them you were in LA playing soul saving man, making a life without me, making new friends, screwing Darla, falling in love with Cordelia and having a son. And the day I died----the day I needed you the most----you were some where in Pylea or Playa or whereever saving Cordelia and rescuing Fred. It's not something that I can easily forget or forgive. My mind understands it. And I know you had to go after Cordelia. It was good you found Fred and brought her back to earth, but my heart won't stop breaking because once again you put another before me. First Faith came before your love for me and now Cordelia and Fred came before your love for me. And yes, I know it maybe selfish--but it's how I feel."

Buffy stood with her back to Angel. All the hurt, anger and jealousy of the last three years settling around her again. She thought that she had gotten it all out when she last saw him but she hadn't. There was just so much hurt inside her. She could still remember her angry words to him standing under the stars in front of a no name motel. Words meant to lash out and hurt. "You left me in Sunnydale to fight and die and then you're surprised and hurt that I did." She'd never forget the wounded, anguished look that came in his eyes when her words viciously lashed him. She knew deep down inside he too blamed himself for her death. Blamed himself because he had left her to fight the Hellmouth battle alone and she had died.

He stood up and walked behind her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her but he didn't. He still didn't have the right. He stood close enough for her t-shirt to brush his coat to feel the heat of her skin. For her tantalizing smell to assault his fragile senses.

"Let's just try. We can start off slowly. A few telephone calls. Maybe I can come visit from time to time. We can start slow," he emphazied again.

"I-I don't know, Angel," she stammered not willing to give in. Angel had a lot to answer for. He caused her a lot of pain. It was going to take more than just sweet words to win her back.

"Is it Spike?" he asked anguish lacing every word.

"N-o-o-o," she said sounding like a pouting little girl. "I broke it off with Spike a couple of weeks ago. He didn't take it well. You see when I was resurrected I was really confused. That meeting we had didn't help matters much. I mean you were supposed to love me forever and yet I just got back from my deadness and you were walking away from me----Again. Spike didn't. You may not have wanted me, but Spike did. He wanted me in every way possible."

"Spike became my crutch. He made me feel wanted, being with him made me forget my problems. That sounds wrong and it was. I can only say I was weak then, needy. I needed someone who didn't want anything more from me than I was willing to give. As long as Spike and I was fuc---," Buffy felt Angel's body tense and changed her words, "were having sex that's all that mattered to him. He wasn't interested in the old Buffy. He was satisfied with the new Buffy. You see the old Buffy wouldn't have touched him, the new Buffy didn't care. Plus I just needed someone I could turn to and not have to worry about protecting. Spike was there when I needed someone to lean on. I didn't love him. But I damn sure needed him," she anguished. "I was selfish and cruel. I hurt him and I didn't mean to."

Tears started falling down her eyes. Angel pulled her against him and immediately regretted it. The warm touch of her body sent his starving for Buffy body into instant arousal. He was using all his strength and focus to keep his lust and longing under control. He offered Buffy his strength and support she seemed to need it. He kept his lust and longing in check.

Buffy took a deep breath. She needed to finish this painfully and shameful confession. "I knew Spike loved me. I knew I couldn't give him that love back, but I needed him so, I said nothing. I let him love me," Buffy's voice cracked, "And-I-did-nothing-to-stop-him. For awhile I even had him believing that I loved him. It was cruel of me to do that. I cared about Spike. He had been there for me when on one else was. I just never loved him. I've never loved anyone but you. That's where we are different I was true to our love, but you loved Cordelia," she accused softly. "You tarnished our love by loving another!"

Angel let out a sigh close to Buffy 's ear. With his arms still around her waist he started walking them backwards until he was back to the bed. He released her from his hold and guided her back to the bed. She scooted back up and propped pillows behind her back at the head of the bed. Angel took his seat at the foot of the bed enjoying the enticing view of Buffy's toned legs and thighs and that beautiful enticing juncture between her thighs. He slowly lifted his eyes to Buffy's and let out another sigh.

"I've known Cordelia for years. She was my one link to Sunnydale. When I saw her at that party three years ago I latched on to her. She was a reminder of Sunnydale. The good the bad. The pain and anguish. The love and pleasure. And through the years we've been through so much together. We became friends. And yes I loved her. I love her now, but as a friend Buffy. She could never take the place of what I felt or still feel for you. No one can. I'll admit I grabbed on to Cordelia for all it was worth. I enjoyed our time together. The love we shared. I won't tarnish those memories by lying to you and telling you there was no love between me and Cordelia because there was. What I will tell you is that what I felt for Cordelia is one-tenth of what I feel for you. I can never love another woman with the heart and soul that I love you with. Never!"

Buffy searched Angel's eyes for the truth of his disclosure to her. And she saw it in his eyes. Yes, he'd loved Cordelia but she, Buffy was his soul mate. She accepted it.

"I'm not making any promises Angel. I still don't know if I want to reopen all those painful wounds again. If I want to try to re-write the Buffy and Angel Heartbreak and Anguish Show."

They both remained silent after her speech.

"I understand your reluctance, Buffy. I was stupid and cruel to walk away from you. I deserve your anger. Just answer me this, Do you still love me?"

"Hmph," Buffy snorted gently and turned to look him in the eyes. "I'll love you until my next dying day. Always, Angel. Forever. That's the whole point, I'll never stop loving you. My loving you isn't the issue here. It never has been. The issue here is your love for me."

He ruefully shook his head. He had a lot to work on. "I know that my past actions have not been very "I love you forever like" but I do love you. All I'm asking is a chance to make things right between us. I'm not asking Buffy--I'm begging for a chance to make amends for the wrongs I've done to you--to our relationship."

The silence drifted around them for what seemed like hours to both of them. Angel was afraid that he would be unable to convince Buffy to give their relationship another chance. Buffy's thoughts were a little chaotic. She didn't know if she should trust Angel with her heart again. He'd bruised and battered it beyond recognition the last time he had possession of it. She didn't know if she could stand it if he hurt her again.

"I have a birthday coming up next week. Maybe you can come?" she asked wistfully, "And bring Connor?"

Angel expelled the breath he didn't know he was holding. "That would be nice," he accepted. "I can't wait for you to meet Connor." He knew he sounded like a proud father.

"I can't wait to meet him," Buffy replied smiling genuinely. "I can't believe you are a father. Just doesn't go with the dark, dangerous, brooding, billowy coat, king of pain, sensuous lover image......well, maybe the sensuous lover image is what made you a father in the first place," she teased, green eyes sparkling.

Angel gave her one of his rare smiles, "Think I'm a sensuous lover, do you?" he fished for a compliment.

Buffy was in a good mood and gave him one, "Yes, I do. In the locker room in high school all the girls used to talk about how painful the first time was and it wasn't worth the mess and fuss. It was so different with you. Maybe because you had 240 plus years of experience. There was some pain I'll admit that but it was so worth the mess and fuss. You made a skinny little high school virgin scream your name and beg for more all night. I still have the panties from that night. Just the way they were when I got up that morning and dressed." She gifted him with a sexy smile. "Yeah, I think you are a sensuous lover."

His nostrils flared with lust thinking about her panties from their first time together. "Maybe one day you'll let me have those panties and give me a chance to broaden the opinion that I am a sensuous lover," he said. Hoping that one day would be soon.

"Maybe," Buffy said not committing. Angel had a lot to make up for. He was going to have to earn her trust and that would take time.

She reached her hand out to him, "Stay with me for a little while," she said.

Angel would deny her nothing. He moved to the head of the bed and took Buffy in his lap. They didn't say anything else. Just sat quietly enjoying each other's company. Being together again. Gradually Angel realized Buffy's soft, curved bottom was on his lap, her full rounded breast were pressed against his chest, her strong arms were wrapped around his neck and her face was pressed against chest.

Her mouth was open and he could feel her breath on his throat. He looked down and gently pushed the hair from her face. She was sleeping. There would be time for talk later. For now they had to reacquaint themselves with each other. He wanted to tell her of his plans. Not of the trials he had to face. What he wanted to tell her of was his plans for them. He liked the way it sounded "them". A couple. He smiled and kissed Buffy's vanilla scented hair.

He knew what he faced right now. It didn't matter he was with Buffy. He would spend every day of his life letting her know just how special she was. He wanted to wake her and to kiss her breathless. He liked those little shallow breaths she took when he kissed her long and hard. But it was too soon. She was not ready to move their relationship to that point yet.

He made himself more comfortable on her bed. Buffy muttered something unintelligible, wrapped her arms around his neck tighter and kissed his throat.

"Angel", she muttered sleepily.

"Hmm" he muttered in her hair. Pulling her closer.

"You're gonna really have to grovel," she said yawning.

He smiled and kissed her on the side of her forehead. "I know, baby. I know."

Satisfied she settle down. A few minutes later Angel heard her rhythmic breathing and knew she had drifted off to sleep again.

He placed a pillow behind his head, scooted down in the bed and looked over at the clock. There was plenty time before daybreak. It wouldn't take him long to get home. He would hold her for as long as he could.

He hadn't told her yet, but he had bought the mansion on Crawford street. Actually he'd always owned it. It would be his home when he came to Sunnydale. Eventually it would be their home. He liked the sound of that, their home. He and Buffy would have a home. He and Buffy would live there lives together as soulmates, lifemates.

He wasn't sure how it was going to work between Angel Investigations in LA and Buffy being the Slayer in Sunnydale. It didn't matter. He'd make it work. He knew that Buffy could never leave Sunnydale. At least not in the near future. Not until they could permanently close the Hellmouth and assure the Hellmouth could never be reopened. Besides the Crawford Street mansion was a part of his dream. He and Buffy were meant to spend some portion of their life there. He had left many of his belongings there. He had some major cleaning to do. Plus, he smiled, he had to get Buffy not a drawer but many drawers and some mirrors. Had to make the place a little more girl friendly. He'd keep his Hotel in LA. He and Buffy could commute. He frowned thinking about spending a week away from Buffy. They had been apart for years. He didn't want any more long separations. He’d take care of it. He cheered up. No worries, he would make plans. Maybe every two or three days one of them would make the drive to be with the other. Yeah that would work, he mused.

In his dream he and Buffy performed their Joining ceremony in the courtyard of the mansion. He had hired landscapers to replant the garden. He wanted the garden to be beautiful for their Joining. Angel felt sick and clammy when he thought that Buffy might just turn him down. Well, it was up to him to make sure she didn't. He had to make sure that Buffy trusted him with her love. Oh, he now knew Buffy loved him. She just didn't quite trust him with her love, yet. He had a long road ahead of him to earn her trust.

It was three-eighteen a.m. He gently placed Buffy under the covers. He wrote a note and placed it on her pillows. He watched her sleep for a few more minutes, gently brushed the hair back from her forehead, leaned down and placed a kiss on her slightly parted lips, let his knuckles slightly glaze the side of her face. His Claddagh ring shone in the lamplight. The heart still pointed towards him. He still belonged to someone. He still belonged to her. He wondered if she noticed that he still wore the ring. He noticed that she no longer wore hers. But he hoped to change that soon. Very soon. With a last look at his sleeping beloved, Angel disappeared into what was left of the night.

In the distance standing under a tree Spike looked on. He blew out his cigarette smoke, dropped the butt in the dirt and ground it out with the tip of his boot. He had been watching them for hours. Since Buffy had broken up with him Spike watched her every night until the threat of the sun sent him to his crypt. Tonight his anger had been so strong he'd spent most of the night in demon face debating whether or not to attack them both. The little bitch didn't waste time. She'd dumped him less than a month ago and already she was back in the arms of Nancy Boy. He wanted to kill them both. But he knew there was no way he could ever win between the slayer and Angel. Hell, they were both stronger than he was individually. Together---he shook his head. He would have to use his mind on this one. He owed them both and he had every intention of paying them...every intention.

He watched as Nancy Boy climbed out the window headed to his car and drove off. He continued to watch her window until the threat of the sun drove him to his crypt.

* * * * * *

It was almost four-thirty a.m. when Angel got back home. He went to his rooms and found Fred sleeping on the sofa in the sitting room. He gently shook her. "I'm back now you can go back to your room. And Fred, Thank you," he said gently squeezing her shoulder in gratitude.

Fred pushed the cover back and got up yawning broadly, stretching her arms out. "No problem," she said in her soft Texas drawl. "I really enjoyed it. He slept the entire time you were gone. He's such a good baby." She gave Angel a hug and headed for the door. "I'll see you later," she said quietly leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Angel walked in Connor's room and looked over at him as he lay peacefully sleeping in his crib. Connor whined a little, stretched and opened his eyes staring up at his father. "Hi, little guy. Didn't even miss me did you?" As an answer Connor yawned. Angel laughed.

Angel reached down, picked up Connor cuddling him in the crook of his arm and started walking back and forth with him. "I've been to Sunnydale. My old hometown. And will probably end up being our new hometown sometime in the future. Not now, but later. I spent a little time with your step-Mom." Angel stopped walking, "I don't quite like the word step Mom." He started back walking. "Let's just call her your Aunt Buffy. You can decide when you are older if you want to call her Mom."

As Connor looked up at his father. Angel smiled down at his son and began to tell him about Sunnydale. "Let me tell you about Sunnydale. I use to live there before I came here. And so did Aunt Cordy. Not so long ago. You see back then I’d fallen in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And I'm still so deeply in love with her. When you see her you'll love her too............." Angel's story went on as his captive audience stared at him with the love, trust and contentment of a baby.

Part Four

Buffy, Angel and the Gang p1

Buffy was in the cemetery hunting a demon. She didn't know much about the demon she was hunting other than she needed to kill it. That's just one of a million reasons she missed Giles. If Giles was there she would have known what type of demon she was hunting, it's technical name that she probably wouldn't be able to pronounce, it's mating rituals, feeding habits, how to kill it, you name it. Giles would have told her the entire life history of the demon and given her a lecture on safety before she strutted off into the night to kill it. She didn't have that luxury of information now. Or having a father figure to worry about her as she went out hunting a demon. 

All the scoobies had other responsibilities just as she now did. They didn't know a lot about demons and they didn't have time to go through page after page of books looking for the demon de jour. Even if Giles was uncertain of the demon causing havoc he had always known where to start looking for info on demons. These days looking for information on demons always seemed like a shot in the dark for her and the scoobs. 

Well, no worries, she thought. The demon had to be taken out and if it could be killed she'd kill it. She sat her slay bag up against a tombstone and shoved her hair behind her ear. She really hated this new hair cut. One saving grace it looked better than the hatchet job she had done to it before she went to the haristylist. This hair cut sorta made her look like she was about to take flight. Definitely not the best hairstyle she'd ever worn. But with the mess the hairstylist had to work with she'd done the best she could do. No worries. Her hair would grow out soon and until then she would just deal. 

Her birthday was in two days and she was loathing and looking forward to it. No one could have 5 horrific birthdays in a row. She knew that her luck was sure to change on this birthday. She heard a rustling sound coming from behind her and swung around ax raised and halted the ax in mid air. 

"Will!" she exclaimed lowering the long ax, leaning on it and scowling at her best friend, "Whistle or something! Don't just sneak up on me! I could have taken off your head!" 

Willow with her hand over her heart, eyes still bucked, stammered, "S-Sorry, Buffy. I'll make lots of noise next time." She crossed her finger over her heart in an X motion. "Promise! I brought snacks," she said as a peace offering, showing Buffy her bags. 

"Okay, what's in the bag?" Buffy asked forgetting about her scare, her nose already twitching from the aroma of coffee coming from one of the bags. 

"Well, a large espresso for you," Willow answered handing Buffy the steaming hot cup of espresso, "a tea for me, powdered and cinnamon frosted donuts," she said pulling a box of donuts from the bag. 

"Cool." Buffy said relaxing from her fighting stance and grabbing a cinnamon donut out of the box and biting into it. Her eyes closed for a moment savoring the cinnamon sugar melting on her tongue for a moment alternating between sipping her hot coffee and biting into her donut. 

"So what's up?" I thought you had one of those Witchcraft Anonymous thingy meetings tonight?" 

"Yeah, I did, but it got canceled. I tried to catch up with Dawn to go to the mall with, but it was too late. Didn't feel like watching Anya and Xander grope each other all night so I decided to come keep you company while you stalk and slay. I figured you didn't have snacks," she teased. 

"Nope. I'm glad you came Will. It feels good to spend time with you," Buffy said. She walked over to the tombstone, leaned her ax against it as she continued to sip her coffee and nibble on her donut. 

"Buffy I may have been dreaming, my sleep is not the best lately," she laughed shakily, "but did I hear someone in your room the other night? Please tell me it wasn't Spike, again." Willow knew that Buffy had called it off with Spike and Spike wasn't taking no for an answer. He was showing up wherever he thought he could catch Buffy alone. 

Buffy got a dreamy smile on her face. "No, Spike." She paused for a few minutes a secretive smile playing around her lips. "It was Angel." 

"Really!" Willow said in surprise. "Why didn't you share?" Willow asked a little hurt that Buffy had kept such a big secret. Although she did call Angel the night she and Buffy had their late night talk she was still surprised that he had come. She was more expecting him to call. It must have really been serious for Angel to make a late night visit and drive back to LA in one night. 

"I sorta wanted to keep it to myself for awhile. Hold it close you know," Buffy said getting that dreamy look and sounding like the infatuated teenager she had once been. "I came in my room after taking my shower and he was.....," Buffy thought about catching Angel smelling her undies and her secretive smile widened, "just standing there waiting on me." 

"Wow!" Willow said sitting down leaning her back against the tombstone. 

Buffy sat down next to her still smilinglike an infatuated teenager. 

"So, dish the dirt!" Willow demanded smiling mischievously at her friend. 

"Right now not much dirt to dish," Buffy confessed sadly. "Angel says he still loves me and he wants to get back together. Three years since he first left, months after my death, after I committed one of my worst mistakes in fucking Spike and now he wants to get back together." 

Buffy paused shaking her head at the irony of it. "He explained about Cordelia. By the way they have broken up. I explained about Spike. We sorta came to an understanding, forgave each other, moved on. We talked a little more about all the things that have happened in our lives from start to present. I basically told him I'd think about it. So much has happened in both of our lives." 

"So, I thought you said you wanted to get back with Angel," Willow said confused. Buffy was talking like she didn't want to get back together with Angel. 

"I do Will." Buffy let out a sigh and blew on her espresso and sipped it. "I just don't want to give in too easy. Angel has hurt me a lot," her eyes glazed with pain remembering some of the painful moments of the Buffy and Angel Heartbreak and Anguish Show, "and I've lashed out at him to hurt him. I need to know that Angel won't walk away from me this time when things get rough. I've got to be able to trust that he'll be there. Always. You know what I mean?" She looked to her best friend for understanding. 

Willow nodded her head in understanding, "Yeah, I know," she said thinking about all she was doing to prove to Tara that she could kick the witchcraft habit. Willow found herself in the groveling seat of a relationship. Trying to rebuild the trust that her actions had shattered. 

For awhile they were silent. 

"Buffy do you know what we have never talked about?" Willow asked out of nowhere. 

Buffy shrugged. "No, what?" 

"Our first times. You know," Willow clarified, "Our first times with Oz and Angel." 

"Oooh," Buffy got a sad little smile on her face. "After all these years we never did talk about it. The one thing best girlfriends always talk about and we never said anything to each other about it." 

Buffy gave Willow a sideways glance. Her eyes got a far away look in them before she turned back to Willow. "It was the most amazing experience in my life", she smiled some more, "With Angel," she clarified. "For such large hands that I know can cause so much pain and death, they were so gentle when he touched me. And he didn't treat me like I would break, but he wasn't rough with me, you know," she said looking to her girlfriend for understanding. 

"I know." Willow nodded understanding perfectly. That's how it had been with Oz. 

"Will, he did the most amazing things with his hands and mouth and tongue and he made me feel as if nothing in the world was more important than what he was doing right then and there. Nothing!" 

Buffy's voice trailed off and she was wrapped up in a private place for a moment. "We made love all night, Will. And even though it was my first time we made love 3 times. I wanted to make love again, but Angel refused. He told me I needed to let my body adjust to the new changes that had taken place. He told me I'd be a little sore for a few days, but after the soreness went away we'd make love all day and night if that was what I wanted to do. 

Buffy smiled a little bemused. "I'm the Slayer, Virgin, yes, it was a little painful the first time but after that---gone with the pain. And he was worried that I'd be sore for days. The soreness was gone within hours. He was so old fashion. I wanted to tell him that it was the 90's, would soon be a new millennium and women didn't wait days after the first time to make love again, they did it the very next day. But he was so sweet and being a gentleman, I didn't argue. He told me he knew that virgins required time to recuperate after the first time. I decided I liked him treating me special, overprotecting as usual, so I let him. He held me and told me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was and how much pleasure I had given him. I fell asleep in his arms. You know what happened next." She gave Willow a melancholy smile. "He never kept his promise about us making love all day. A sign of things to come in our relationship. Angel never keeping a promise." 

"Wow!" Was all Willow could find to say. 

"What about your first time with Oz?" Buffy asked changing the subject away from her and Angel. Away from the bittersweet memory of the first time with the man/vampire that she loved. 

Willow gushed, "It was so beautiful. Really, Really good. You know how he looks on stage playing the guitar. Total concentration on what he's doing, making sure his fingers are strumming the right strings. That's how he sorta ran his fingers across my skin. Totally concentrating on my pleasure. I felt like he was strumming notes and love songs on my skin. It was painful at first, but afterwards it was wonderful. Like you said amazing. I wanted to make music for him just like his guitar and I think we did. We were so tuned to each other's pleasure." Willow voice took on a wistful quality. "Oz made my first time so special. The way a first time should be." 

Buffy shook her head in agreement, smiling, happy that Willow's first time with OZ had been good. "When did you an Oz first make love. I knew it was around graduation time even though I was seriously not dealing with the whole Angel leaving me thing. I could tell you and Oz had gotten closer." 

Willow had a slightly pained statement on her face, "It was the night Faith shot Angel with the poison arrow. When Giles called we were sorta just enjoying the afterglow." 

"Oh, I'm sorry Will. I know how important the after is," she said. 

"It's okay," Willow assured. "We had a lot of afters." 

Then Buffy titled her head a little like she did when something confused her. "So, Will I have to ask this and I hope you don't get angry. Okay?" Buffy took a deep breath. "When did you realize that you liked Women more than Men?" Buffy hoped she wasn't asking a question that was too personal. "It's okay if you don't want to answer, I mean, there are still things about Angel that I won't answer." 

"You're my bestest friend Buff. When I confided in you about Tara, you didn't go all EWWW!" You accepted it and me. During the whole Oz came back thing you really listened to me. Helped me sort things out. Thank you Buffy." 

"Hey," Buffy said squeezing her hand, "You were the only one who supported me and my love for Angel during the good and bad times. I'll stand by you and your choice of lovers." 

Willow smiled her love for her friend. "It was sorta unexpected, gradual with Tara. I was really confused for awhile. I started having all these feelings for her that I once only had for Xander and Oz. Then one night I just looked in her eyes and she was looking back at me and I saw the same love mirrored in her eyes that was shining in mine. And I knew. I knew I loved Tara." 

"I'm sorry I wasn't around for you much during that time, Will. When you were confused and needed someone to talk to. I was too busy playing I'm-All-Over-Angel, I have a new army-boy-toy," Buffy held up her hands waving them back and forth and made a comical statement, "I'm Buffy the Vampire Ditzy," she said in a high pitched sing song voice, "watch me not deal." 

Willow burst out laughing. "Stop it," she choked out between laughs. "Well," she mused, "maybe you were a little ditzy. Do it again." 

"I'm Buffy the Vampire Ditz," she repeated hands waving back and forth, comical statement on her face. 

She and Willow were almost choking on their laughter. 

"So," Willow said breaking off her laughter, "What have you decided about Angel. Are you going to take him back?" 

Buffy gave Willow an Of Course I am, you are crazy to even ask Look. 

"What I thought," Willow teased. 

"So how long are you going to make him grovel," Willow said munching around a powdered donut. 

"Dunno," Buffy said between sips of coffee. "I invited him to my birthday party and I told him to bring Connor," she shrugged nonchalantly although she was feeling anything but, "I don't know if he's going to show." 

Willow looked at her friend concerned. "Do you think you are ready for that? To see the proof that Angel has a child that isn't yours." 

Buffy took a deep steadying breath. "I have to be ready Willow. I've got to accept Connor. If I can't accept Connor then there can be no Buffy and Angel." 

"Yeah, you've got to see if you can accept Connor as part of Angel's life and maybe one day as part of yours." Willow glanced up just in time to see a red faced demon with spiky horns, and long hair sprouting out of it's head, dressed in some sort of Ninja suit coming towards them. "'Oo-oh, Oo-oh," she stammered waving her hands, "Buff...." 

"What Will," Buffy asked reaching in the box for another cinnamon sugared donut. 

'Behind you!" Will finally got out. 

Buffy jumped up grabbing her ax as ran to fight the demon. She swung her ax just as the demon was swinging his sword and her ax was bent and flew from her hands. She ducked the next swing of the sword, double punched the demon in his gut, as he bent over she flipped over his head, grabbing his sword from his hands surprising him with her deft move. The demon roared, turned around pushed Buffy but she was able to stab him in the gut as she fell back and landed hard on her ass, air momentarily knocked out of her. She didn't notice the demon being sucked up into the sword. 

She looked up quickly. Looked around confused. Not seeing the demon she got up as Willow came running towards her. 

"Will did you see where that demon went?" 

"No," Willow replied sheepishly, "I spilled some tea on my pants and I looked down. When I looked up he was gone and you were sitting in the grass." 

"Okay," Buffy said baffled still looking around for the demon. She shrugged then looked at the sword sticking out the ground. "Oooh," she said in her child in a candy store voice, "Shiny." She pulled the sword out the ground, twirled it once admiring it and went to collect her slay bag. 

As they were walking out the cemetery elbows laced Willow picked up their conversation, "Buffy did Angel kiss you there the first time?" 

Buffy laughed at Willow's question. Squeezing her friend's arm walking out of the cemetery she answered, "Will, the first time, Angel kissed me everywhere." 

* * * * * *

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

They were standing at the kitchen sink talking. He was trying to convenience her that they would stay in touch. That they would make their love work. She placed her hand on top of his. He looked down at her hand on his then back at her face. He pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly. So soft yet so intense it stole her breath. Their eyes met. And a current of pure love and desire went through them. They met again in a kiss that was so hot, passionate and intense Buffy jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Walking backwards with her, he came up against the refrigerator where he halted momentarily leaning against it heavily. Their lips and tongues reacquainted themselves. Their lips blended together . Their tongues mingled and mated. His kisses were hot molten lava instead of erotic and cool as ice. She didn't care. His kisses were making moisture flow from her core and heating her entire body. 

Angel broke the kiss to trace kisses to her eyes, cheeks, the scar on her neck. He lingered on the scar. His warm tongue licking the already heated flesh. Savoring his mark. His woman. His tongue entered her mouth, claiming, demanding, passionate. Their kiss was raging out of control. He crushed her to him. Lifting her tighter against his body allowing her to feel his arousal. He walked, stumbled to the table. One arm still holding her with the other arm he swept the dishes off the table and they smashed to the floor. He laid Buffy on the Table coming on top of her. She used her hands to pull them fully on the table and to anchor herself on the table. She thrust up into him as he ground his arousal in her. He trailed kisses from her lips, to her jaw to his mark on her neck. 

He raised up and pulled her shirt over her head and her tank top bra followed. He worshipped her with his eyes, devoring the full twin globes toped with dusky rose nipples. His hand carassed it feeling it's weight in his palm. He couldn't resist his warm tongue shot out to lick at her nipple. Buffy whimpered in pleasure and flung her head back savoring the feel of his mouth on her breast. Angel's warm mouth moved to the other breast , giving it the same loving attention as he had given the other. Swirling his tongue around the nipple, lapping licking and gently biting it until Buffy moaned loudly in pleasure. 

She leaned up on her elbows to look at him. Her eyes glaze with passion and pleasure. Giving her a rakish smile Angel's lips and tongue travel down her body to another destination. He eased down her body and she lifted her hips up to help him take off her pants frantically, almost desperately in her need to bare her flesh to him. 

Angel slipped to the floor on his knees pulling Buffy's pants and panties with him. She leaned up on her elbows and looked at the pure masculine smile he gave her. His fingers gently combed through her curls that were wet and glistening with her arousal. He looped her legs over his shoulders, spread them wide. She blushed at the view he had of her from his vantage point. She was totally open to his touch, his smell, his eyes. With that same rakish smile he boasted, "I'm going to make you scream." His voice was husky and full of seductive promises. 

He didn't give her a chance to refute him. His long tongue shot out and wrapped around her swollen bud and licking, lapping and nibbling and sending her spiraling over the edge. Angel's tongue voraciously circled her clit, licking and nibbling before he sucked it into his mouth. Buffy screamed in pleasure and unabashedly ground her sex into his mouth, her hands grabbing his head to hold him against her as she screamed her orgasm. Her back arched off the table, her head fell back. Angel cupped her ass in his hands bringing her closer to his mouth. 

Buffy thrashed on the table, moaned lifting her hips higher, grinding against his wet hot tongue. Angel gave a sensual growl, lapping at her as her moisture flowed. 

"Angel,Angel,Please,Please,Please,Angel," Buffy sobbed his name and her need over and over over and over again as her body convulsed spewing her liquid pleasure into his mouth in hot spasms. 

Angel drank her fountain of pleasure down, sucking, licking and lapping until he had licked every drop from her. Her body ceased it's shaking and quivering and she was laying, spent and panting her hair plastered to her head and face. 

They weren't through before the last quiver of her climax was over Angel rose up literally tore his shirt and pants off. He let his pants drop to his ankles in too much of a hurry to remove them and his shoes. 

Spreading Buffy's legs, mesmerized by the glistening pink lips, wet and slick and calling to him. He warapped her legs around his hips he surged in her tight wet sheath seating himself fully. He had to take a deep breath to keep from spilling his seed. He wasn't a vampire anymore and didn't have his vampiric control. And Buffy was still new to making love. He sucked in his breath at the pleasure of feeling her tight, soaking wet sheathing surrounding him in it's heat. He began to slowly thrust and stroke in her. Her muscles gripped him with each thrust, her honeyed walls covered him. Even without his vampiric olfactory, the smell of her vanilla perfume and the heady smell of their love making hung in the air teasing his senses driving him close to the edge. 

He wanted to hear her moan her pleasure one more time. To feel her grind her hips against his. To hear their hips slapping together one more time in the mating ritual as old as life itself. He didn't know if he would have the control to do it. He lifted away from her body and his forefinger and thumb found her little bud of desire and pinched, stroked, teased and worried it. She bucked against him almost unseating him with her Slayer strength and screamed in pleasure. The table already weak and rocking gave away under the force of her strength and they rolled to the floor still locked in their lover's embrace. 

Buffy raised her hips completely off the floor slapping against his, wrapped her legs around his waist, her body shaking and shivering. Angel thrust into her once more and his hoarse shout of pleasure filled the small apartment. He fell across Buffy burying his head in her neck, licking his mark, jerking with the intensity of his orgasm. His hot seed spilling into her even hotter core. 

* * * * * *

In LA

He came awake abruptly. His hips pumping remembering thrusting into her hot, wet sheath from his dream. Pleasure still gripping his body. His body tingling from head to toe. His seed spilling forth like a untried youth. He laid back against the pillows and let the pleasure wash over him. Slightly embarrassed by the intensity of this wet dream. He was almost 250 years old he should have better control over his sexual hormones. 

He wondered how many times he would have dreams like this about Buffy. But damn it was good. Maybe one day they could do it in the kitchen on top of a table again. He wondered what Buffy was doing. He glanced at the clock it was 4:57 a.m. 

In Sunnydale

She came awake abruptly. Her hips jerking upward remembering the thrust from her dreams. Pleasure still gripping her body. Her body tingling from head to toe, covered in a sheen of sweat, her breathing shallow. Her core dripping with her release. She was at the end of an intense orgasm. She laid back against the pillows and let the pleasure wash over her. 

She didn't know why she continued to have these dreams about Angel, but damn this one was good. Maybe one day she and Angel could do it in the kitchen on top of a table. She turned to look at the clock on her nightstand it was 4:57 a.m. She wondered what Angel was doing right now. 

* * * * * * * 

The Birthday Party

Buffy looked at her Birthday outfit and asked herself for the umpteenth time if she should change. She had on an off the shoulder black silk top, a black ribbon choker with a rose hanging from it and a pair of deep burgundy pants and her black boots. She shrugged she had changed clothes three times tonight she wasn't changing again. 

Everyone was already there. Of course Dawn and Willow. It was there home. Anya and Xander were there first they set up the food. Tara came next then, in order, an uninvited Spike showed up at the back door with an equally uninvited guest, Clement the demon from the demon bar. Richard a friend of Xander's who he and Anya invited as a date for her. 

Spike cornered her trying to be all jealous about Richard like he had a right. She walked away from him not even bothering to respond to his digs about Richard being young. Hell Richard was older than she was just not as old as Spike. No human was. 

She was sitting on the sofa opening presents. Willow had gotten her a battery operated massager, not what she was wanted or needed. Anya had given her a gift certificate to the Magic Shop, yeah Anya she thought cattily give me something you no I don't want. Xander had given her a coupon to the Pizza and Pasta Place. Only Xander would give a food coupon as a present. Tara had given her a beautiful silver charm bracelet, so far her best gift. Richard, Spike and Clement had brought her absolutely nothing. Spike had been fucking her. Although they had broken up the least he could have done was buy her a gift. Not Spike. He wasn't the giving gifts type. 

Dawn had given her a very expensive black leather coat that still had the theft detection device on it. Just as she was about to question Dawn more about the coat someone knocked at the door. Her heart jumped hoping it was Angel. Xander got up to answer it. 

"Buffy," Xander yelled from the door, "your friend from work is here." He said walking Sophie into the front room. 

It was Sophie----Buffy couldn't think of her last name, so she'd just call her Sophie from work. Well, everyone was here. Everyone but Angel. She shrugged no big. She didn't really think he would come anyway. 

"Oh, yeah," Buffy said putting down Dawn's gift, making a mental note to talk to Dawn later about the coat. "I'm glad you could make it," Buffy said walking to meet Sophie. "Why don't you grab something to eat and drink. Mingle a little and have some fun. 

"Well," Sophie said in a whiny voice, "Okay I just hope there aren't that many preservatives in the food. I'm allergic to preservatives you know." That complaint was the start of many to come. 

* * * * * * 

The party had been going for over an hour. Music was playing and Xander, Anya, Richard and Sophie were dancing. Dancing seemed to be the only thing Sophie hadn't complained about. 

It was already after 10:00 p.m. If Angel was coming he would have been there by now. Buffy was heading into the den when Spike followed her. Cornering her in the narrow hallway. 

In his most seductive voice Spike said, "Why don't we shed this place Slayer and have an adult party?" 

Buffy gave him a slightly irritated look, "What adult were you planning to bring to the party." She punned. "I've told you Spike our party days are over." 

"You don't mean that ducks," he said coming closer to her almost pinning her to the wall. 

"Hmm, Hmm," Tara cleared her throat loudly. 

Spike and Buffy looked up. Spike looked irritated. Buffy smiled her relief at Tara. Someone knocked at the door. 

"I'm going to see who that is," Buffy said making her escape. 

Tara stood looking at Spikes with her arms crossed. 

"What?" he asked trying to play innocent. "I had a muscle cramp and I was asking Buffy to help me with it." 

Tara raised her eyebrows in disbelief and pursed her lips, "A muscle cramp in your pants?" 

"Well, it is a muscle," he said brushing pass Tara and heading in the living room. 

New Arrivals

Buffy pulled open the door and was surprised, shocked and please. She stood smiling looking into his chocolate brown eyes as he stared into her hazel green ones. 

He was looking so good. And after that erotic dream she had just this morning looking at him made her blush. He was wearing his usual. Long ankle length black wool double breasted coat, left open to reveal black jeans and pullover. The pullover molded to his muscled chest and was tucked neatly in his pants. His belt buckle had a intricate Celtic design on it. She'd studied enough to know it was a Celtic design. He had a silver chain around his neck with a stake charm hanging from it. Sorta morbid. 

"Hi," he said smiling at the beautiful sight before him. 

"Hi," she said lifting her hand up and waving like a dunce. She realized what she'd done and abruptly dropped her hand. 

"I'm glad you made it." She looked at the carrier he was holding in one hand and a diaper bag in the other hand. It should have looked out of place, but it didn't. 

"That's Connor?" Brilliant she thought to herself who else would it be. 

"Yes, this is Connor," he said with a nod to the carrier in his hand. "Can we come in Buffy?" 

"Oh, Oh, " she stammered embarrassed, "Sorry, please come in." She stepped back letting Angel in the front door. 

"Who's at the door," Willow asked coming from behind the door. She saw Angel and squealed throwing her arms around his neck giving him an affectionate hug. "Angel I'm so glad you came." 

Momentarily surprised by the heartfelt greeting Angel was dumbfounded on how to react. He eventually wrapped his arm around Willow to hug her back. He felt a tug on the baby carrier and looked to see Buffy taking the carrier and diaper bag from his hands. He released them and hugged Willow with both hands. Willow pulled back and smiled up at him with genuine joy.

Here, he thought is someone who is glad to see me. The warmth of her greeting surprised him, but he understood. They had bonded as true friends when she came to tell him about Buffy's death. 

He returned her smile. "It's good to see you Will." 

Her smile was infectious. Angel glanced over at Buffy. She was staring down at his son and he was taken back by the affection on her face as she gazed down at Connor. "Buffy," he whispered reaching out his hand. 

Buffy smiled, took his hand in hers squeezing gently before lacing her fingers with his long ones. "Come on gorgeous," she teased him, "Time to meet the other birthday guest." 

He had dreaded it but he knew he shouldn't have. Buffy and Willow flanking him like his protectors he stepped in the living room to face the other guests at Buffy's birthday party. 

Buffy, Angel and the Scoobies pt. 2 

Let The Buffy Birthday Begin

"Deadboy!" Xander exclaimed and doing something that totally shocked Angel, he jumped up and walked over and vigorously shook his hand. "Not going to say good to see you again, or glad you could make. We both know that would be a lie. I'm just going to say...." he paused then a sly smile came over his face. "Hey Dead boy. Can't say anything better than that." 

Buffy shook her head in true friendship sufferance and smiled up into Angel' s eyes. "Ignore him. He's older and getting married, but he's still the same Xan-der." 

Buffy continued the introductions wanting to get them over with quickly so she could sit down with Connor. "This is Anya, Xander's finacee. You met her before remember?" 

Angel nodded in remembrance to the time Anya's spell had brought forth evil Willow and the Thanksgiving he'd met Anya. 

"This is Sophie, my co-worker," Buffy didn't like the besotted look Sophie was giving Angel. She'd talk to her about it later. "This is Clem." 

"I know Clem" Angel said nodding at the demon that was goffily waving at him. "My question is how do you know Clem?" He turned to look at Buffy. 

Before Buffy could answer Spike came out of the kitchen. "We're almost out of beer. Who's going to make a beer run?" Spike stopped as he saw Angel standing next to Buffy. He took in the scene. Buffy standing close to Angel holding a baby carrier their fingers laced together. 

"Well, Well," he drawled sarcastically, "If it isn't Peaches himself and his new infant. Finally dragged your ass away from LA long enough to see about her. A little too little too late, but what the Hell," he smirked. 

Angel tensed. Every fiber in his body wanted to kill Spike for many reasons. Touching Buffy the main one. He captured Spike's eyes and held them and was pleased when the cocky ass hole blanched when he saw the depth of Angel's hatred for him shining through. Angel gave him an evil smile, "Good to see you William. Nice shiner. Maybe later we will have a chance to get reacquainted. I'll do my best to assure it." 

Spike gave him a cocky smile. He'd be damn if he let this souled vampire scare him. He almost killed Angel twice and damn it if necessary he'd try it again. Maybe this time he would succeed. "Thanks, but no thanks. No much into revisting old friendships." He reminded himself for the time being to stay away from Angel. "Your girl gave me the shiner. You always hurt the one's you love," he repeated his words to Buffy hoping she would remember. 

Buffy looked at him and gave him a so what smile. She didn't care. She told him it was over. His barbs didn't ruffle her. 

"Oh, by the way," Spike said a mischievous smile curving his lips maybe this would ruffle Angel and the Slayer, "Have you met Richard, Buffy's date?" 

Buffy's hazel green eyes shot daggers at Spike. She looked up into Angel's chocolate eyes that were boring into hers. "He's not my date. Anya and Xander invited him as my date, but you and I both know that 's not about to happen," she explained. 

Angel saw the truth in her statement and only gave Richard a cursory glance and dismissed him. 

"Come on," Buffy pulled him towards the sofa where they sat. Angel took the carrier from Buffy and lifted Connor out. Connor stretched and yawned and promptly went back to sleep in his father’s arms. 

"Oh, look," Anya gushed, "He has on a cute little sailor outfit." She leaned over adoring the sleeping infant. 

Angle smiled wryly it was one of the outfits that Fred and Cordy had bought for Connor. He didn't particularly like it, but Fred had dressed Connor. 

Angel reached into Connor 's diaper bag and pulled out a gift to hand to Buffy. It was a small jewelry box wrapped in silver paper with a black bow. It was so elegant. A card was on top of it. 

"Open the box first," Angel instructed softly. 

Looking a little puzzled Buffy slowly unwrapped the box carefully undoing the paper and setting the wrapper and bow to the side. She looked up and saw expectant eyes looking at her. Angel sat next to her holding Connor. Willow sat of her right with Tara next to her. Xaner and Anya sitting on the arm of the sofa. Dawn sat next to Angel. Clement, Sophie, Richard and Spike sat in chairs facing the Sofa. 

Buffy lifted the lid of the jewelry box and lying on a bed of black satin was a double joined heart surrounded by diamonds on a silver chain with a matching bracelet and ear rings. 

Buffy vaguely heard the oohs, and aahs of the women around her. Her eyes were on Angel's. She understood the gift. Their hearts two hearts were joined as one. She smiled and he returned her smile. 

"It's beautiful," she whispered. It was true no man had ever given her something so touching, an obvioulsy as expensive as this gift. "But I really don't have anywhere to wear it. Not exactly something I can wear out slaying or to work at the DMP," she joked. 

"Open the card," Angel instructed next. 

Still looking in his eyes Buffy opened the card. Inside the envelope was a 3x5 card heavy embossed with3-D roses around the edges. In handwritten with a quill and ink in old world script was an invitation to attend the ballet next weekend with Angel as her escorted. It was actually written like that on the card. You are cordially invited to attend an evening at the ballet escorted by Mister Angel. Giles would have been suitably impressed by the formality of the invitation. She looked up smiling at Angel. "I accept. It'll give me a reason to wear my new necklace, bracelet and earrings." Buffy hadn't attended a formal since her prom three years ago and that too she shared with Angel. 

"Accept what?" no tact Anya asked. Buffy still staring at Angel handed the invitation to who ever was near her. She didn't know or care. Willow took it from her hand and read it. 

"Oh that is so romantic," Willow said looking lovingly at Tara. "Isn't it romantic?" she asked, passing the invitation to Tara. 

"Y-Yes, It i-is," Tara agreed looking lovingly at Willow. 

"Why can't you be romantic with me," Anya asked reading the invitation to the ballet. 

Xander began to stutter, 'I'm, I'm, ro-romantic. Didn't I pay for the Pizza last night?" he asked totally clueless. 

Totally mesmerized by Angel's seductive chocolate brown eyes Buffy leaned forward not even realizing what she was doing. They met half way in a kiss so passionate and hot they forgot about their on lookers. They were about to deepen the kiss when Dawn made gagging sounds. Everyone laughed at her antics. Well almost everyone. Spike didn't find anything humorous about Angel and the Slayer kissing. 

Angel nipped Buffy's lips and she reluctantly pulled away. Buffy looked up to see a few embarrassed faces peering at them and one angry face. Spike looked like he could kill both she and Angel. Buffy would have to re-evaluate Spike's invitation to their home. 

She lost her train of though when Connor whined and all eyes turned to the little bundle cuddled in Angels arms. 

Buffy reached out her hands. "Let me hold your son for awhile Angel." 

Angel placed Connor in her arms. And watched as her face lit up as she looked down at his son. He watched as Buffy made cooing sounds to Connor. Connor's statement was one of pure contentment. He cooed, smiled and snuggled close to her to feel her heart beat, smell her scent. Angel had realized in the first few weeks that Connor had picked up his keen sense of smell. Buffy gently caressed Connor's hair, rained little kissed over his face and his hands. Connor snuggled closer to the cleavage of Buffy's top and relaxed into sleep. Angel looked at his son's head cushioned in Buffy's cleavage, listening to her heart beat, smelling her scent. He wanted to exchange places with Connor. 

Buffy looked so good holding Connor. They looked good together. 

"Oh isn't he adorable," Tara said coming to stand in front of Buffy to get a better look at Connor. "He looks like you," she told Angel and his chest puffed out with Pride. "Doesn't he look like Angel, Willow?" Tara asked. 

Willow leaning over Buffy's arm said. "Yes, he does. He's going to be as gorgeous as his father." 

If Angel could he would have blushed. 

"Well, if you asked me he looks a little dopey," Spike said snidely. He didn't like the way Buffy was looking at the sodding Big Poof or his git. He wanted Buffy back and he didn't want Angel getting in the way. 

"Shut up Spike," all the women said in unison even Sophie. 

Spike grumbled something and walked away to play poker. 

Sophie came to stand next to Tara to look at Connor. "I like babies but They smell funny. I thing I'm allergic to them. Because of all the powder, lotions, oils and diaper creams." 

"Those things are usually hypoallergenic, Sohie," Tara explained. 

"I'm still allergic," Sophie pouted and walked away. 

Buffy, Tara, Willow, and Angel laughed as she walked away. 

"Can I hold Connor?" Dawn asked. 

Buffy looked at Angel and when Angel nodded in agreement she gently placed Connor in Dawn's waiting hands. 

The strands to a song Buffy loves comes on. Grabs Angel's hand tugs him up. 

"That's my favorite song. Dance with me." 

Angel looked in to her hazel eyes brimming with youthful seduction and followed her to where Xander and Anya were already dancing. 

Angel pulled Buffy into his arms and she laid her head on his chest her arms going around his neck. He let his cheek rest on her top of her head. His hands settled possively on the swell of her hips. 

Never made it as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

Tired of livin' like a blind man

I'm sick of sight without a sens of feeling. 

This is how you remind me,

This is how you remind me of what I really am

That's how I feel without Buffy in my life, Angel thought. In her eyes I've always been a man never a demon. He pulled Buffy closer into his body. 

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story

This time I'm mistaken for handing yo a heart worth breaking

I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle

These five words in my head scream "are we having fun yet?"

It's how I've felt the last three years since Angel left me, she thought. Should I trust him with my heart again? 

It's not like you didn't know that,

I said I love you and I swear I still do,

And it mus thave been so bad, cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you,

That's how I felt when he turned on his heel and disappered behind billowing smoke. Walking out of my life, Buffy thought. 

Buffy raises her head from Angel's chest. He was staring down at her. 

As if he had read her doubts he said, I never doubted you love for me. I've always doubted that I was good enough to deserve that love. Living with you isn't what nearly killed me, It was living with out you." 

He leaned down to kiss Buffy sealing his declaration of love. 

Willow and Tara dancing holding each other close looked over and smiled at the passionate display Angel and Buffy were putting on. They were not together put tonight the were feeling closer. 

Buffy looked around at her friends, Xander and Anya, Willow and Tara. Even Ricahrd and Sophie holding each other closely. She briefly wondered if Sophie was allergic to men. Then dismissed the thought. 

Maybe this is going to be a good birthday after all, she thought. She never saw the look of hatred that Spike was shooting towards her and Angel. 

* * * * * *

Angel was the first to realize there was a problem. It was 2:32 a.m. and Angel knew something was wrong. Although mentally and emotionally he wanted to stay there with Buffy and indulge in the sleep over Dawn had pleaded for and got he knew he had to get back to LA. For over an hour he had been trying to leave and he and Buffy were standing at the front door. Connor was in his carrier and Angel had his diaper bag on his shoulder. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get within a foot of the door to open it. He'd tried his cell telephone and the house telephone and none of them worked. He looked at Buffy and Buffy looked at him both realizing some force was holding them hostage in the house. 

With a voice of resignation she said, "Couldn't just end on a happy note. Nooo," she said in her little girl pouting voice that Angel so loved even under these circumstances, "not my birthday. Another Buffy birthday strikes again," she said sullenly. And she was right. 

Buffy and Angel called the Gang and they all stood by the door trying as hard as they could but no one could make to the door. 

"Damn," Spike exclaimed. "I hadn't planned on spending my night here with you wankers." 

"Well Spike, Staying her all night wasn't on my agenda either," Xander said pulling Anya to his side. 

"I have cl-class tomorrow. I r-really need to get home," Tara said. 

"Great," Dawn exploded. "As usual everyone want to leave Dawn. No one wants to stay and be with Dawn. Well, leave all of you. I don't care if you all leave. I'm use to being by myself," she finished tearfully then pushed past Clem who was standing in front of the steps and ran up them. 

Everyone was shocked for a moment not able to move. 

Angel spoke first. "Buffy maybe you should go talk to her." He thought Buffy would go alone, but every one followed her up the steps. Giving a weary here we go sigh, Angel followed the crowd upstairs. 

"Dawn," Buffy said softly sitting on the bed wtih Dawn, "Did you do something to keep us locked in here."

"No," she said sullenly crossing her arms across her chest and staring daggers at everyone. 

"Maybe you did a spell and trapped us all in her to die," Anya said tactlessly. 

"I-Didn't-do-anything." Dawn voiced in anger. 

"Are you sure?" Spike asked. 

Dawn wrenched herself away from Buffy and started screaming. "I didn't do anything! And since you all want to leave me anyway, Get Out! Get Out, Get Out, Get Out!" she yelled at the top of her lungs and flung herself across her bed sobbing, stunning everyone looking on. 

"Only thing missing is a cornfield," Xander said slowly backing away from the door. 

Anya came forward. "She needs to tell us what type of spell she's used." 

Buffy stood up from the bed. Her eyes sought Angel's out over the crowd. 

"We need to leave her alone and let her calm down," Angel said the voice of reason. "She's not going to tell us anything that she's not ready to tell." 

"Angel's right," Buffy agreed looking at Dawn sobbing on the bed. She wanted to go comfort her but she knew right now Dawn wouldn't accept any comfort. "Let's step in the hallway." Buffy stepped in the hall closing Dawn's door to the anxious faces there. 

"What do we do, now?" Anya asked irritation coloring her voice. 

Buffy thought about asking Willow to try some magic then changed her mind. She looked at Tara. "Can you do a release spell to see if you can break whatevre is holding us to this house." 

"I can try but I don't have any supplies. Without supplies there's not much I can do," she said regretfully. 

"Well we don't have any here we got rid of all magic stuff," Buffy replied. 

"Not everything. I kept some stuff...for emergencies," Willow said contritely. 

"Well, Will," Buffy said, "This is an emergency." 

"Bring me the supplies you have and then stay away," Tara said looking at her lover with disappointment. "I'll do the spell in the kitchen---alone." 

Willow went off to get her supplies. And Tara and the rest of the birthday guests headed back downstairs. 

Angel looked down at the sleeping Connor. Sleeping the sleep of the innocent. He had no idea anything was wrong. 

"I need to get him out of this carrier seat and lay him down until we can figure out what is going on." 

"Come on," Buffy said leading the way, "might as well go to my room." 

* * * * * 

Buffy was standing looking out of her window. Angel was sitting on the bed patting Connor on the back soothing him back to sleep. 

"I've really messed up Angel. Not only my life, but Dawn's as well. Hmph," she snorted derisively, "I was so wrapped up in how I was or rather wasn't feeling, I didn't take Dawn's feelings into consideration." 

Angel got up from the bed and came to stand behind Buffy pulling her back into the protective embrace of his arms. "You were struggling Buffy trying to adjust to being back. It wasn't a easy time for you. I didn’t make it any easier a few months ago by walking away from you" 

"Hmph, It’s not your fault. Maybe if I woulda fought my lust for Spike and spent as much time with Dawn as I spent fucking Spike she wouldn't be in her room crying her eyes out now." 

Angel grimaced when he heard the pain in her voice. As much as her fucking Spike hurt him, it was doubly hard for her to live with what she'd done. 

"We never discussed it but you know don't you?" 

"Know what Buffy?" he asked clearly confused. 

"That I---made love to Angelus up until the night he drew that picture of me sleeping." 

"Yes, I knew," Angel admitted his voice barely audible. 

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asked clearly baffled. 

"I didn't know what to say Buffy. You were young. I had just initiated you in to the art of making love. Your body craved what I had taught you. Then I changed to Angelus the next day. Your body couldn't recognize a difference between me and Angelus because physically there is no differnce. Angelus knew that and used that against you." Angel let out a sigh and rested his cheek on her head. 

"The first time I didn't even know what was going on," she confessed finally releived to just get it out in the open. "Angelus and I had fought earilier that night in the cemetery and when he pressed against me I felt---it--his ah, hard on. It threw me, confused me. I thought he hated me and I looked up in his eyes and he was staring at me with lust and passion and pressing the evidence into me." 

"That's the night that I went to hospital I had some sort of flu bug. Angelus came through my hospital window. I thought he was coming to finish the job. To kill me. I knew I was too weak to fight him off. I thought I was dreaming that I was making love to you. My fever was so high I didn't know what was real and what wasn't." She stop speaking lost in thought. 

"I forgot all about it. Just chalked it up to a dream induced by the fever. A few weeks after I got out of the hospital Angelus cornered me in the cemetery. It was Valentines Day. It just happened. He confronted me about making love to me in the hospital. One minute I was screaming at him that he was lying the next minute I was flat on my back and he was making love to me. And I thought that he'd be rough and cruel and hurt me but he didn't. It felt like all the things you did to me," she said still confused about why she loved Angelus. 

"There are so many differences between you two the main being Angelus is evil and you're not. But what amazed me the most were you two had so many similariteis. And as much as I feared it he never tried to hurt me when we were---togther. I was so afraid that the would turn me. That's why things started to fall apart. Angelus wanted me to willingly let him turn me and I wouldn't." 

She paused staring out into the sky. "When he drew that picture of me and left it on my pillow. It was the last time we made love. He wanted to turn me that night and I refused him. He threatened to kill everyone I loved if I didn't come to him, allow him to turn me. I just couldn't. So, he punished me. He killed my shool mates, Ms. Calendar. But I guess you know all these things." 

She turned to Angel tears slipping down her cheeks. "I loved you. And because he would always be apart of you I loved him. I'm sorry." 

"No, don't," he said wiping her tears away. "Your love for him is what kept you alive. He'd never been loved before. Oh, Darla and Dru wanted him, needed him, they never loved him. They didn't know how. He didn't know how to love you back but you got as close to a true emotion of love as Angelus was able to give. Did you ever wonder why there were so few vamps during Angelus reign? He threatened to kill any vamp or demon that harmed you. They were all afraid. Dru was his obsession. You were more to him. You were his passion, his reason for existing. Even at the end with Acathla you knew taht if you lost he was going to turn you and keep you for himself. One of the many things Angelus and I shared. You were his everything as you are mine." He tilted her chin up so she could see the truth in his eyes. 

"You don't hate me?" she asked through her tears. 

"No I don't hate you," he told her pushing her hair behind her ear. "I understand why and how it happened. I have the memories, his feelings of the times you two were together," he smiled wistfully, "They are bittersweet memories, but they are there and in the lonely nights they comfort me. Angelus never took you in hatred, always in passion and his version of what he considered love. He didn't misuse or abuse you because you were his. I can't explain what that is to you. I can only tell you in his way Angelus loved you. He didn't want to and he tried to hate you, he just couldn't." 

Angel tenderly brushed her her hair behind her ears. Giving Buffy a look of total love and devotion. 

"I so miss Mom. I don’t know if I can handle all this responsibility. Sometimes Angel I feel like I’m suffocating. I can face demons, vampires and Hell Gods, but I can’t figure out what’s going on in the mind of my 15 year old sister. How am I going to fix all of this Angel? With Dawn and what’s going on here?" 

Angel kissed Buffy on the side of her forehead. "Remember you one told me I wasn’t Joe here’s what I’m thinking and I told you if you want to know something you have to ask. So go ask your sister what’s going on. You can handle it." 

He gave her a supportive sueeze. "And from now on if life gets to be too much then pick up the telephone and call me. I’ll help in any way that I can. For now you’re going to have a talk with Dawn and try to straighten things out with her. Find out what’s troubling her. After that we’re figure out a way to get out of this house together." He held Buffy letting her draw emotional and mental strength from his embrace. 

"Thank you," she said. 

Buffy stretched up and gave Angel a deep kiss. Her tongue entered his mouth and mated hungrily with his. She needed to feel him wanted to feel his coolnes pressed against her body. 

They couldn't seem to get enough of each other. Her arms wound around his neck and she strained closer to his body feeling it tighten with his arousal. His hands travel down her back over her hips cupped her butt and pulled her closer to his growing hardness. She couldn't breath, but she didn't care. She didn't want to break this kiss. It was everything she needed, gentle, coaxing, demanding raw, passionate, sensual. 

Her knees gave way. If Angel's hands had not been pressing her close to him she would have fallen to the floor and then she was falling to the floor. Angel was gently lowering her to the floor. 

She had forgotten how potent his kisses were. She felt as if she had been drugged. His hands tugged her blouse down to her waist and his fingers trailed a cool patch to the round full globes covered with dusky nipples. 

Angel had never seen a body so tiny and so perfectly formed. Her skin felt like satin beneath his finger tips. Her skin was so warm her blood heating with her arousal and rising closer to the surface. His lips and tongue left her mouth and found a path to her nipple taking it in his mouth and sucking noisly. He lover the natural earthy taste of her skin. His body tighten with his own arousal. 

Slightly coherent Buffy remebered Connor was in the room and muffled her moan of pleasure. She lost track of where she was and maybe even who she was. The only thing she did know was that her body was wound so tight she felt that at any moment it would snap. Angel's cool hands journed down her stomach, slipped inside her pants and beat a path to the elastic of her panites. The tiny tongs offered no resistance to his experienced fingers. Pushing the little strap of material aside his fingers smoothed the damp curls covering her sexe and found the bud hidden by her wet glistening folds. She was already slick and wet from her arousal. Her arousal and her vanilla perfume filled the air around them. 

Angel worked the bud between his forefinger and thumb. His mouth still laving her breasts as his fingers worked her pleasure bud. Buffy wrapped her hands in Angel's hair arched her back to bring her breast fully into his cool, wet, talented, senuous mouth. She spread her legs to give him better access to the bud that was crying out for his attention. Attention that he was thankfully giving it. Thier soft moans and whimpers of pleasure floated on the air. 

And then Buffy let out a soft keen, brilliant lights of pleasure exploding behind her eyes, bucking her hips into Angel's hands thrashing beneath him panting like she'd run a marathon. 

Angel raised up to look in her face and watch her as her orgams sent her body into convulsion. He thougth her the most beautiful woman he ever saw as she reached her released. 

* * * * *

Down stairs Tara was performing her spell to release the hold on the house that kept everyone from leaving. Instead of releasing them the spell inadvertantly released the demon from the sword into the house. That's when the fun (as Bufffy so sarcastically put it) began. 

* * * * * 

Buffy didn't hear the door opening but Angel did. Angel turned to see Spike standing in the doorway. Buffy finally coming down off her climax turned her head and saw Spike angry, wided eyed statement taking in the scene before him. 

"Bloody Hell, we got ourselves a emergency here and you too are boinking. In front of the sodding baby at that." 

Angel gave Spike a murderous look. He knew Spike didn't give a damn about Connor. Angel looked at Buffy flushed from her orgasm, her skin a beautiful pink, her lips swollen from his kisses, her eyes dazed from her pleasure. 

Buffy looked at Angel a smile covering her face. She turned her back to Spike to fix her clothes. Angel offered her the sheild of his body. 

"Taht was amazing," she whispered to in Angel's ear, "but you've always had amazing hands, mouth and tongue," she praised him her eyes still dilated from her release. 

He gave her a purely masculine smile. "Thank you. Glad you liked it." 

"Liked it," she purred leaning against him, "I loved it. I can handle anything now. What ever emergency that's going on I'm ready for it," she said as Angel stood and helped her to her feet. She looked down and saw his arousal pressing against the front of his jeans. 

He saw the worried distressed look on her face and soothed her. "I know it is too soon. When you are ready." 

She smiled her gratitude. 

Spike made gagging noises, "If you two are through we have more pressing matters than your libidos." 

That's when the roar rumbled through the walls. Connor whined and without thinking Buffy walked over to the bed and picked him up cooing to him. Angel was amazed when he immediately calmed down for her. 

"Taht's what I was trying to tell you. What ever spell Tara conjured up didn't work. But it does seem as if it has released something." 

Buffy looked at Angel, "Let's take care of my Buffy Birthday so you can get this little fella home to his bed." She was filled with energy and ready to take on anything. 

"Alright Love. Let's take care of this." Angel said heading towards the door. Walking with Connor over her shoulder she followed Angel out the room to find out what was happening in the house. 

* * * * * 

It was finally over. Another Buffy Birthday from Hell had ended. Technically it had been two days but once Halfrek broke her curse it had reverted back to Buffy's birthday. 

Angel and Buffy once again stood at the door. He was outside the door leaving this time instead of arriving. Angel was the only one left at the house. Anya and Xander had left to take Richard to the hospital. Richard had told Xander, You have weird friends. Richard had gotten cut in the stomach by the demon and for awhile things were pretty harry about his survival. Even Xander had received a flesh wound on his arm from the demon's blade. 

One by One they all left. Clem the demon and Sophie were just happy to leave. Spike didn't want to leave Buffy with Angel but Buffy gave him a leave or get your ass kicked again look and he grudginly left. Tara and Willow left to give Buffy a little privacy with Angel. 

Buffy thought back over the past hours. At one point in the Evening Spike had asked her, "Ever thought of not celebrating your birhtday." She had been a little pissed when he said it. But as she thoguh about it now it was funny. 

Realizing they were stuck in the house she and Angel devised a battle plan. Leaving Tara and Willow to watch Connor and Dawn, Angel and Buffy started hunting the demon. Then the demon infested himself in the walls. Coming out to fight and running back in the walls when Angel and Buffy were wailing on his ass close to defeating him. 

Like old times Buffy and Angel hunted the demon and yes stole more kisses as often as they could. Not the hot, passionate lead to hot, nasty sex kisses. The sweet, gentle get to know each other again kisses. Kisses that lasted only for a few seconds on the lips, but stayed on the mind and heart for minutes, hours, days, years, eternity. 

As the night wore on into day and into another night tempers were high. Xander and Anya tried to get a recovering witchcraft addict namely Willow to use magic to get them out of the house. Spike stood by agreeing. Tara had to tell them to back off. When it looked like that wouldn't happen, Angel stepped behind Willow and in his soft deadly you don't want to mess with me voice simply said, "Back off." 

Anya lost it then and ranting and raving about Dawn knowing what was going on. She ran upstairs searching Dawn's room but at least they did find out Dawn's secrets and what was going on in Dawn's World. 

Buffy was able to get out of Dawn about the school counselor that called her to the office like a regular JD. Dawn didn't even know the school had counslors. Dawn expressed a wish that people would stop leaving her. So the beginning of their curse. 

Anya had called forth Halfrek to break the curse on them. Although Halfrek and Spike tried to play it off they knew each other intimately. Angel had told Spike, "Will my boy, you always did have strange taste in women." For a moment Buffy was afraid that Spike would say something about her, but he must have seen the look of say it and die in Angel's eyes and he did something he rarely did. He bit his tongue. 

Well Halfrek was right if no one else Buffy did deserve to be cursed. During her fucking Spike phase she had neglected Dawn and missed Dawn's cries for help. Buffy had every intention of making up for her neglect of Dawn starting with the long talk she and Dawn was going to have tonight. 

Only to escape the house after being trapped there did Halfrek break the curse and thankfully disappeared. 

Buffy and Angel finally found and battled the demon and killed it. Angel had been the one to tell her to use the demon's sword against him, then break the demon's sword thereby killing it for good. 

So there they stood at the door. The ending of the 5th horrific Buffy Birthday. And yet she was happy, giddy even. Buffy was looking at Angel like a lovesick teenager knowing he had to leave and wishing he could stay. And although it had been a horrible birthday it wasn't her worst birthday on record and this time she and Angel had talked about things they had avoided in the past, got a little hot and sweaty, fought the Big Bad together. That counted as something. 

"I'll see you next week," Angel said running his fingers gently down her face, leaving a trail of cool fire. 

She smiled at him. "I'm looking forward to it. I've never been to the ballet before. Plus I want to get to know Connor better. Unfortunately tonight didn't give me much of a chance." 

Angel was glad Buffy was accepting Connor. He wanted her to spend as much time with Connor as possible. If everything went as planned they would spend their lives together. But until then one day at a time. 

Angel leaned forward and kissed Buffy softly. Controlling the kiss for his sake. Not letting his passion rage unchecked. She wanted time. He'd give her time. His cool lips savored the warmth of hers. He dipped his tongue in the warm cavern of her mouth just for a quick sip of her sweetness. A taste of what he would be missing next week and then he pulled away before he would be unable to control the kiss. He nibbled her lips and listened to her soft contented purr. He smiled a purely masculine smile. He made her purr. 

He broke the kiss leaning his forehead against hers before breaking contact. He looked at his beloved. "Be safe my love. If you need a ride to LA next week call, I'll come to pick you up." 

"I will," she said, He turned and walked down the steps. "Angel," she called softly. 

"Yes?" he asked turning around to look at her. 

She walked out the door down the steps straight up to him. She bent down and brushed the downy soft hair on Connor's head and leaned in to kiss his soft cheek. "I forgot to give the little guy a kiss good-night," she said sheepishly. 

Angel gave her a look of pure love that almost had her wanting to beg him to come in the house and make love to her on top of the table, on top of her birthday cake. She stamped down that desire and turned to walk away. 

"Buffy." 

"Yes," she said turning around. 

"Don't be too hard on Dawn. She was calling out for help. The wrong way, but still it was a call for help. She needs your understanding and support now more than your punishment. By what Anya was saying believe me she will understand the consequences to her actions and think twice about repeating them. I think Anya is going to get a lot out of the two words punative damages." 

Buffy shook her head in agreement. Angel was right she knew he was. "Thanks, Angel. I'll remember that." 

He gave her a sexy wink, which made her smile and her toes curl. He walked to his car. She stood looking as he secured Connor in the car seat and slid in the driver's seat. He started the car up and pulled away from the curb waving at her. She waved at Angel until he disappeared around the corner. 

With a deep sigh she turned and walked in the house. She had some major groveling and making up to do. She let down her baby sister and she needed to made amends. Buffy walked in the house saw the frightened look on Dawn's face and realized Dawn thought that she was going to desert her. Buffy shut the door and turned to Dawn. "I have some maj making up to do. Come on let's talk." 

She reached out her hand and Dawn timidly took it giving Buffy a smile that almost broke Buffy's heart. Buffy pulled Dawn to her side hugging her close and started walking towards the kitchen. 

Part Five

A Night at the Ballet

Buffy was still looking at the two dresses lying on her bed when she heard the doorbell ring.  Since it was daytime she went in the hallway and yelled, "Come In."  She waited for the guest to come in and when Tara stuck her head through the door she gave a genuine smile.  "Tara, hey, come on up.  If you're looking for Willow she's at a meeting. Dawn is at the magic box learning more about punitive damages. I'm the only one here."

Tara gave Buffy that shy smile that Buffy had come to love an associate with her newest best friend.  "I-I knew Willow wasn't here.  I th-thought I'd come see how you are doing," she said coming up the steps and following Buffy into her room.  She noticed the two dresses lying across Buffy's bed.  One in a frosted rose the other a white with sparkling silver trim.

"Trying to find something to wear to the Ballet?" Tara asked sitting next to the dresses.

"Yeah," Buffy gave a wry laugh.  "I don't have too many formal dresses and on my budget can't afford to buy anything new.  And neither of these seemed to be appropriate.   Plus Angel has seen me in both."  Buffy fingered the white dress.  "I died in this dress and was brought back to life in it.  I consider it to be a good luck piece," she said softly.

"I looked through Mom's things and most are too big and a lot of them were ruined when the basement flooded so I'm back to these two dresses," she said on a defeated sigh.

Tara fingered the white dress. "Th-Then maybe you sh-should wear this dress.  It being a good luck dress and all."

Buffy stared at the dress.  “It's too little girlish.  It looks like the dress a 16-year-old would wear and since I was 16 when I wore it ........I guess it looks like it should."

"I-I know a fr-friend that can maybe alter that dress.  You k-know re-design it so it doesn't look so little g-girlish," Tara said.

“I don't have a lot of money," Buffy reminded Tara but thinking of hopefully having the dress redone, "plus I'll need it by Sunday."

Tara squeezed her hand encouragingly, "C'mon my friend's fast and reasonable.  Plus she owes me a favor.  I did a spell for her."

*   *   *   *   *   *

Angel looked up at the sound of the doors.  No one else had heard the doors open.  He couldn't believe his eyes at first.  Petite, Slender, maybe a little too slender, her hair was covered by a tan cowboy hat .  Her eyes still reminded him of the 70's mood stones changing with her mood, from brown, to green to silver, and a hazel blue.   She was natural, sensual; sexy.  She had on a pair of straight leg low rider jeans frayed at the waist that hugged her slender hips.

Her top was a simple white cotton crop top.  She had on a pair of tan ankle boots that matched the large leather drawstring bag she was carrying on her shoulder along with a dress bag and some type of overnight bag.  Nothing fancy.  That had always been Buffy's style more substance than flash.  He'd always liked that about her.  He smelled her perfume as she drew closer to him.  He'd never get enough of  that smell.  It lingered in his mind and his dreams.  Vanilla.  A perfect compliment to Buffy.  A natural scent for a natural beauty.  Her beauty still effected him as it did the first time he saw her.  Her beauty was timeless.

He realized that Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley and Fred had seen her as they walked up to stand beside him at the counter.  That is when he moved and walked around the counter.

"Buffy", his voice sounded breathless even to his ears.

"Angel."  she tucked a stray piece of hair that escaped her hat behind her ear.  Her eyes never met his instead they traveled behind him and Greeted the guys.  "Hello, Cordelia, Fred, Gunn, Wesley."

"Hi",  they all muttered in unison.

For a few seconds an awkward silence followed.  And Fred collected herself first and rushed around the counter.  "Hey, Buffy, I never met you, and of course, you've never met me, although, I know a lot about you from, Cordelia and Angel and Wesley.  Wesley says you might even be stronger than Angel, although I doubt that is possible.  Yet, everything is probable," she shook her head as if to clear it from that last thought, then continued on, "And Angel said you were beautiful and he was right because you are."  She'd stopped in front of Buffy and was offering her hand.

Buffy shook Fred's hand a wide smile lifting her lips.  "Angel told me about you too Fred, but he didn't tell me how nice and sweet you were."

Buffy was still blushing from Fred's comments when she added, "That's probably one of the reasons that he loves you so much is because you are beautiful, but I'm sure its because of all the other things too."

Fred sort of reminded Buffy of Willow.  They both tended to ramble.  She smiled she like Fred already.  Fred was a person with no pretensions that you would know where you stood with her at all times.

"It's nice to meet you Fred."  As on cue the others came from behind the counter.  Cordelia and Wesley hugged her in a sort of awkward fashion.

Gunn grabbed her in a bear hug lifting her off the floor.  "You're a little bitty something.  Girl you need to gain some weight.  You can't slay nothing if you can't lift a stake or a sword or a knife."

Buffy squeezed him back.  "Aww," he squeaked, "okay so you're strong.  You still need to gain a few more pounds."

She laughed.  Gunn's mood was infectious.  'You, I Like," she teased, "I'll go home and eat lots and lots of fattening food until I'm too fat to slay anything unless it runs to me."

He  put her down.  "Well, I don't want you eating that much."

Buffy's smile extended.  "I really do like you.  Angel said you were sort of sour.  I think you are rather sweet."

"Hmph." Angel cleared his throat giving Gunn a look that could kill he  pushed him away from Buffy and grabbed her bags from her.  "Why didn't you call me.  I would have come to get you."

She shrugged.  "Xander and Anya drove me.  They are calling it their little Sunday adventure," she laughed because Anya let it slip that she and Xander were going to stop on the way back and do it in a field of flowers.

He leaned down and kissed her softly, a quick brush of the lips because of their audience.  "Still call.  I worry about you.  I called your house no one answered."

"Sorry.  Willow spent the night with her parents and Dawn spent the night at Xander and Anya's," she explained.  "Where's Connor?" she asked giving him a sweet smile that always melted his unbeating heart.

"I just laid him down for a nap.  I'll take you up to see him."

"Ah, we can all go help Wesley in his office,"  Cordelia offered.

"Why," Fred asked confused, "Wesley wasn't in his office we're out here playing games on the computer....Oh," she said finally understanding, "Yeah, go help Wesley in his office."

They were so obvious as they all left  Buffy and Angel standing in the lobby.

Reaching out his hand Buffy laced her hand in Angel's.  "C'mon I'll show you your room.  I had it decorated especially for you."  Hands laced together they went upstairs.

"Wow," Buffy said softly totally at a lost of words.  The room Angel showed her to was magnificent.  It was painted a soft ivory color with one wall papered in an ivory stripped print.  There was a large wrought iron bed adjacent to the door covered in a mint green tone on tone stripped silk comforter with mounds and mounds of pillows piled on the bed in varying cloths from the same fabric as the comforter to ivory, floral, a deep green, mint and ivory striped.

There was a small dressing table and Buffy walked over and ran her fingers across the intricate wrought iron and glass piece.  She looked at her self in the oval mirror of the dressing table.  She walked further in the room taking in the  two night tables on either side of the bed covered in a floral print table cloth holding two small lamps with wrought iron bases and bell shaped ivory silk covered lamp shades.  The only other piece of furniture in the room was a chest of drawers.

Angel placed Buffy's bags in the closest and came up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist.  "Do you like it?" he asked nervously.  He had called in some favors and had this room done and decorated within a week.

"Angel I love it," Buffy said turning around to face him.  'It's beautiful."  She yawned.  And then apologized. "Sorry late night at the DMP, early morning wake up call from my ride to get here."

He smiled down at her.  He still hated that she worked at what she called the DMP but knew she was too stubborn to take money from him.  He'd have to wait and bid his time.   Maybe once she trusted him again she would allow him to help her with her bills and maybe he could convince her to go back to college.  "Why don't you go ahead and take a nap.  By the time you wake up Connor should be up and you and he can have a nice visit before we leave for the ballet."

"That would be nice," she gave a contented sigh snuggling closer to his coolness.

Angel released Buffy walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers.  Buffy  sat down and pulled off her shoes and then her pants leaving only her short top and undies on.  Angel swallowed when he saw the red thong Buffy wore.  Buffy scooted up on the bed and allowed Angel to cover her up.

"Sweet dreams, my love," he whispered kissing her on the forehead.

"Thanks," she murmured snuggling under the covers.  Angel sat next to her holding her hands watching her as she dozed off to sleep.  She was so tired she was asleep in less than 5 minutes.  He stayed with her for over an hour.  He realized that he missed watching Buffy sleep.  In Sunnydale after a night of heavy slayage Buffy would come back to the mansion and he'd fix her something to eat or they'd cuddled in front of the fireplace and she'd take a nap in his arms.  Sometimes they'd end up in bed during that time the only thing he would do was hold her close listening to her breath, listening to her heartbeat.

He smiled Buffy had fallen asleep wearing her tan cowboy hat.  He thought it looked sexy on her.  He decided not to remove it.

*     *     *     *     *     *

Sitting on the bench of the dressing table  Buffy applied the final touches to her make-up.  She had lined her eyes with a moss green eye liner which picked up the green of her hazel eyes.  She'd shied away from the pinks and peaches tonight and used a red lipstick for a bolder look.  She looked at her hair.  It was piled on top of her head in curls secured with silver clips with tendrils of curls falling around the side of her face and neck.  Very elegant and sophisticated.

She reverently placed the ear rings, necklace and bracelet on and standing walked over to the bed to sit down.  She  gently rolled the thigh high stockings on her legs adjusting the laced edge band comfortably around the top of her thighs. She wore a pair of white silk tongs edged with lace and no bra.  She reached in the shoe box and pulled out the sparkling silver sling backs with a silver chain band that wrapped around her ankle and 4 inch heels.  She slipped them on.  Tara had convinced her to get the slender heeled shoes instead of the thick heeled ones.   Tara thought the slender heeled shoes were more elegant and dressy.    Holding her feet out and looking at them she agreed with Tara.  Plus the slender heeled shoes made her legs look longer.

Unzipping the dress bag she pulled out the dress.  She stood up and stepped into the sleeveless white dress, reached behind her and zipped it up.   It no longer looked like the dress she wore on the night she fought the master.  Instead of being ankle length it had been cut to float 3 inches above her knees.  It swirled tantalizingly around her thighs as she walked.  She'd gotten a little more cleavage since she was sixteen and she filled the boat neck cut of the dress out.  The double hearted chain nestled just above her cleavage drawing attention to it.

The back of the dress had been cut in a deep V all the way to just above the hip line leaving the back almost bear.  Buffy walked over to the floor length mirror and looked at herself.  She liked the way she looked.  Dressed up but not overly done.  With the material left after making the dress shorter a sheer shawl had been made.  Draping the shawl  over her arms Buffy twirled in front of the mirror again.

Buffy owed Tara and her friend Alease.  Alease hadn't charged her anything for re-designing the dress.  Just said that Tara's spell got to the heart of the matter and a re-design of a dress was the least she could do.  Buffy had taken the money she was going to spend on the dress and bought the shoes and matching bag.  Picking her silver evening bag up off the bed Buffy stepped out the room.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *

Buffy stopped for a few minutes to kiss Connor on his cheeks before heading down the stairs.  She'd met Lorne earlier when she'd woken from her nap and Angel had taken her in his room to visit Connor.  Lorne asked her to sing Connor a lullaby and she had song him the Barry Manilow song that her Mom would sometimes sing to Dawn when she was a baby and was fussy.

Lorne just gave her a smile and said, "Yeah the two of you belong together.  You are the light to his darkness, the good to his evil, the carefree to his brooding and you two are the only ones I know who still sing Barry Manilow."

Buffy thought Lorne talked in riddles but she liked him.  He was flashy, out spoken and quite a character.

Buffy heard voices and realized everyone was already waiting downstairs.  As she got mid way down the steps Gunn whistled.

"I take it back girl.  You don't need to gain a pound."

Buffy blushed obviously pleased and embarrassed by his compliment.  At the same moment Angel elbowed him out of the way and stood at the bottom of the steps watching Buffy descend.  She was a vision of loveliness to him.  The dress looked and felt familiar but it wasn't.  He loved the way the soft material floated and swirled around her toned thighs.  And those sexy shoes wrapped around her ankles.  He was already envisioning her  standing in the middle of his bedroom in nothing but those heels.  He loved those shoes.  He took in how the necklace laid just above her cleavage.  If he was the only man looking not enough cleavage was showing but since other men would be looking too much cleavage was showing.  The ear rings dangled from her small ears and the bracelet graced her slim wrist.  Ethereal. Pure and Natural.  Buffy.

If he had a breath her beauty would have taken it away. The look in his eyes made Buffy feel like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  As she got to the bottom of the steps he reached out and took her hand.

"You are absolutely breath taking," he told her raising her hand to his lips and kissing it his eyes never leaving hers.

"So are you," she said admiring him in his tuxedo, "He with the angelic face and pant worthy body."

She had the pleasure of seeing Angel smile sheepishly at her compliment.  Buffy looked around. Although Gunn looked uncomfortable he looked good in his tux.  Wesley looked nice too but he was more comfortable in his tuxedo than Gunn.  Cordelia was absolutely stunning in a sleeveless sparkling black dress with a plunging neckline.  And Fred was radiant in her strapless red dress.

"Wow!  You all look like you should be on the set of a glamour photo shoot or something," Buffy compliment.  "You all look absolutely awesome."

Gunn beamed,  Wesley fussed, and Fred blushed.

"Well, I know that," Cordelia said.  I've known that for years.  Where did you get the necklace set.  It's beautiful."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh softly.  Cordelia had changed a lot and then she had changed very little.  "It was a birthday gift from Angel."

She turned towards Angel and didn't see the jealous look that Cordelia gave her.

Pulling his hand from behind his back Angel produced a corsage.  "For your senior prom I forgot and kicked myself a thousand times for the oversight.  I hope tonight makes up for it."

Buffy let out a soft gasp of pleasure.

Angle took the corsage out the box and pinned it on the right shoulder of her dress.  He put out his elbow, "Shall we go my lady," he said all formality.

"Yes, my lord," she giggled and wrapped her arm through his elbow.

*     *     *     *     *

Angel was holding Buffy's hand leading her through the endless hallway.

"Are you sure those are the original dancers from The Blinky--Blink,"  frustrated she just said, "the 1890 ballet corps?"  She had been really enjoying the ballet even though Cordelia had  been snoring like a chain saw after ten minutes of the program.

With an exasperated sigh Angel said, "Yes-Buffy-I'm-sure.  And no they are not vampires.  If they were you and I both would feel it."

"Okay," she said finally accepting something was wrong.  Then thinking about the security guard.

"You didn't have to knock the guy out Angel.  I could have handled him," she protested.

Angel stopped walking and turned to face her.  "I told you when you went over to try and distract him a guy that looks like him was going to know the most beautiful woman in the world was not interested in him.  He was on to you from the beginning.  And when he shot of a hand to touch you......He's lucky he's knocked out and not dead!" Angel finished heatedly his eyes burning into hers.

"You think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world?" she whispered looking up at him like a besotted teenager.

"Yes, I do," he stated simply as if he expected her to already know this and turned to pull her down the hallway.

*     *     *     *     *     *

Buffy was admiring Giselle's dressing table.  She picked up the silver brush, comb and hand mirror.  Angel looked over and saw Buffy  admiring the mirror and made a mental note to add something similar to her dressing table at the hotel.

"She would wait for him here,"  Buffy whispered locking eyes with Angel.  Then she felt  a warmth invading her body taking over her words her actions.

"It's a little warm in here."  Angel noted looking around the room for the heat source.

Buffy got up from the dressing table and walked to Angel holding Giselle's cross in her hand.  "Undress me," she said huskily stroking her hand up and down his arm.

Angel looked at Buffy worry furrowing his brow.  "Buffy what's wrong Baby?  You got a strange look in your eyes?"

"I want you to undress me...to see who I really am,"  she said still stroking his arm pressing her body closer to his.

Then Angel felt the warmth as it entered his body and took over his words and actions.  "Do you want me to make love to you? To caress your body until it quivers and shakes with pleasure?" he asked passionately.

"What if he finds out?" she asked fearfully.

"I'm not afraid of him." Angel soothed her fear.

Buffy tipped toed pressing her lips to Angel's and whispered, "I'm only alive when you are stroking and thrusting inside me."

Angel roughly pulled Buffy to his body and fastened his lips to hers. The kiss was passionate, hot and erotic.  Their  lips pressing together, tongues exploring the heat  and the infinite coolness of  each other’s mouths.

They couldn't seem to get enough of each other.  Her arms wound around his neck and she strained closer to his body feeling his arousal press against her stomach.  His hands travel down her back over her hips, cupped her ass and drew her closer to his growing hardness.  She couldn't breath, but she didn't care.  She didn't want to break this kiss.  It was everything she needed, gentle, coaxing, demanding, raw, passionate, sensual.

She didn't want to be doing this and then again she did.  Either way she could not stop doing it.  She lost track of where she was, who she was.    In her mind she was Giselle and this was Stephan her lover.  He secret lover.

Angel's mind was jumbled.  He knew he needed to stop this but damn it felt so good to have his palms gripping and squeezing her ass.  Something was wrong but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.  She was Giselle his secret lover and he was Stephan.  And then he didn't give a damn who he was.  She had dropped to her knees in front of him unzipped his pants, pulled him through the zipper opening and was staring at his erection as it stood proudly before her.

It so large, she thought.  She didn't remember ever seeing it this closely before. She was amazed at how large it was.   How beautiful it was.  It was uncircumcised the extra skin covering the head like a hood.   It looked like polished marble.  Hard, cool, long and sleek.  Her hands reached out to gently touch it and he moaned.  She ran her finger nails from the tip of the shaft to the base and he hissed in pleasure. She gave a siren's smile and looked up at him.  He was staring down at her his eyes glazed with passion.  She rubbed her face back and forth in his groin area, her nose nuzzling the coarse hair, her warm breath stirring it.  He released another pained groan of pleasure.  Without warning she flicked out her tongue to lick the pre cum that slipped out.  His hips buck forward.

Enough of the preamble she thought and wrapped her fingers around him sucking the head of his erection into the hot wet cavern of her mouth.  The howl of pleasure that escaped him rattled the room.  Spurred on by his response she gently messaged his balls and her head bobbed back and forth taking more and more of him in her mouth.  She deep throated him and his hips buck against her mouth.  He threaded his hands in her hair pulling her face into his groin.  She reached around and grasped his firm ass and sucked him deeper into her mouth.  Noisily sucking him making  wet primal sounds as she pleasured him with her mouth. They set a rhythm that was leaving he a vampire, absolutely breathless.

She pulled the extra skin back and circled her tongue around the sensitive area of the head, mixing her saliva with his pre-cum making his head wet, shiny and slick.  She alternated between licking, lapping and deep throating him.   Her fingers slid down the underside of his shaft and he twitched and jerked in her mouth.

"Baby," he muttered completely loss in pleasure, "You need...You need to get up or I'm going to spill in your mouth."  For some reason he knew he'd never done that before.  That she had never swallowed his cum.

She looked at him brazenly still sucking him deeply in the wet, slick, hot cavern of her mouth.  Still making wet, sloppy, sucking noises as she sucked him.  She pulled him out of her mouth her eyes locked with his.  She blew on the tip and he jerked.

"Cum in my mouth.  I want to taste you.  All that is you."  And with that she firmly ran her blunt teeth down the length of him causing a sensation so pleasurable his eyes roll to the back of his head just before she voraciously sucked him back in her mouth massaging his balls with her hands.

The smell of her arousal in his nose, teasing him, taunting his self control.  He was lost.  He bucked against that talent tongue and mouth and the wet heat that was surrounding him.  With a growl running his fingers in her hair his body jerked as his seed spilled into her mouth and spasm and spasms of pleasure washed over him.  Angel threw his head back and howled in pleasure.

She couldn't believe the taste of the cold liquid as it spurted in her mouth, as it washed over her taste buds, as her tongue swirled it around in her mouth before it traveled down her throat rich silky smooth; tasting as dark, decadent, dangerous as the man it came from.  Totally delicious.

He pulled her up from her knees and plunged his tongue in her mouth tasting juices there.  She moaned in pleasure and wrapped her arms around his neck straining closer to him.  Luxuriating in his kiss.

The cross dangling from her wrist brushed Angel's cheek and he hissed in pain.  They jumped apart.  Buffy's eyes bucked in disbelief.  Her hands flew to her mouth and she glanced down at Angel hanging out of his pants.

Angel didn't know what to say.  Trying to get his already hardening member back inside his pants.  He zipped his pants and grabbed Buffy's hand,  "We need to get out of here."

*     *     *     *    *

They were making their way down the endless hallway again.

"That room was hunted right?  By the ballerina and her lover?"  Buffy asked still shaken from the erotic encounter in the dressing room.  "It had to be 'cause I don't remember being able to give a blow job that good."

"Yeah, their spirits are trapped there," Angel said shaken too by the what had occurred in the dressing room.

"Good thing the effects wear off pretty much as soon as you leave the room," she said with a little nervous laugh.  Then she looked at Angel's pants and smiled.  "Well not as quickly as I thought."

"It doesn't take a spirit to make this happen when I'm around you.  Just being close to you is all the stimulus I need," Angel said a husky note in his voice.

Buffy smiled, "Oh," she blushed and continue down the hall behind him.

"Did I do it right?" she asked.

"Do it right?!" he asked incredulously stopping to turn and stare at her.  "Buffy if you would have done it any more RIGHT I would have turned to dust where I stood."

"Wow!" was all she could say staring at him.

"I came in your mouth and I think I should apologize."

"Why? I asked you to.  I mean even though it was Giselle's words, I've always wanted you to come in my mouth so it was okay,"  Seductively she ran her tongue across her lips, "I've never had anyone cum in my mouth before, I'm glad you were the first.  Your cum tasted so good in my mouth.  You felt good in my mouth," she breathed.  "I have one more virgin territory I want you to be the first to enter," she confessed on a breathless sigh.

"Buffy you need to stop," Angel pleaded, "Myself control is already a little shattered," he said continuing down the hall pulling Buffy behind him.

Buffy stopped and Angel turned to look at her.  "What's wrong?" he asked, "Why are you stopping?"

"It's fuzzy but I know I said something back in that room that was important.  We've got to go back to that room."

"I don't think that's a good idea Buffy.  You know what just happened in there," he said cautiously. "Buffy remember the last time we were possessed by spirits of dead lovers it didn't turn out well.  If I hadn't been a vampire I would have been dead."

Buffy gave Angel a kiss.  "If we are ever going to find a way out of this endless hallway I think the answer is back in Giselle's dressing rooms.  C'mon, it'll be okay.  We can handle this," she told him leading him back to the dressing room.

They stood looking around the dressing room.  It wasn't warm as it was before.

"Feel anything?"  Buffy asked Angel as she walked around the room.

"No, maybe it's a one time deal," he said his eyes hungrily devouring Buffy as she walked around the room.  She was so enticing with her dress swirling around her sexy tone thighs.  And boy did she have a great set of calves.

"I don't feel anything either," she said on a exasperated sigh.

They both felt the room heat up instantly and were moving towards each other.  No longer in control of their words or actions.

Buffy's thoughts were confused the only thing she did know was that her body was wound so tight needing the release that only he could give her.  She strained toward him  needing to release this built up intensity in her body.

Angel suddenly felt the rush of heat infuse his body and his control of his words and action were taken over by Stephen.  He grabbed her by the shoulders and the intensity of the kiss he gave her left them both breathless and he knew that he did not need to breathe.

Without words he walked her back to the divan and turned her over leaning her against the arm of the divan.  He came behind her pressing his hardness into her cheeks, rubbing his hands down her exposed back and planting wet kisses along her neck.  Sucking on his mark.  "I love you, more than he does.  He only wants to possess you.  Your talent," he said in a thick accent, as he pushed her in to the cushions of the divan.

"I love you," she said breathlessly,  squirming under the tongue that he was now trailing down the ridges of her spine and back up to her jaw.  "In your arms I soar.  My body dances only for you.  You fingers, your mouth make me dance the dance of love of passion of lust.  No one but you."

He licked a wet cool, tantalizing trail from her jaw line to her neck.  He tenderly worried his mark on her neck.  Licking the spot until he felt  her body slowly heat from the cool sensation on his tongue.  She whimpered and moaned as his cool lips and wet tongue made a path from her neck to the top of her hip where the V in her dress began.  He pulled her dress down to her elbows and reached his hands around her caressing and pinching her nipples until they stood stiffly like turgid peaks and her heard her soft gasps of pleasure at his ministrations.

He felt her body temperature rise, saw the slight flush on her skin, smelled the beginning of her arousal as she ground her ass back against him.  He slowly dragged her skirt up to her waist and growled in pleasure as he saw the delicate white lace thong panties dividing the perfectly sculpted twin globes.  He traced the lace of the thigh high stocking feeling her legs quiver.

With his hand in her back his other hand still playing with her nipples he bent down to kiss, lick and nibble the twin globes of her ass as they thrust up in the air.  Buffy whimpered in pleasure.  He removed his hands from her breast and her back and gently dragged the thongs down purposely rubbing them back and forth across her clit.  Buffy moaned again wiggling into the caress soft sighs of pleasure escaping her mouth.

There are no words.  Angel wanted to speak but he couldn't seem to get any words pass his lips so he concentrated on his lover’s sighs and moans of pleasure.  In the back of his mind he knew he shouldn't be doing this but  he couldn't stop and if he could he didn't think he would want to.

He lifted her feet taking off her thongs and for some unknown reason wrapped them around his wrists.

Looking over her shoulder with the look of unsated desired, her eyes blazed with passion.

"Open them wide for me, baby," he instructed.

She complied opening her legs as wide as she could leaning forward, her arms resting against the arm of the divan.  Some where in the back of her mind she knew this shouldn't be happening.  That someone else was in control of her body, but she didn't care.  It didn't matter.  She knew that she wanted him.    She heard him rustling behind her and looked over her shoulder to see what was happening.  Then she felt him sliding his shoulders between her legs and she looked down and saw him his face eye level with her core.  And with that knowledge wetness seeped from her core.

His nose twitched smelling her arousal and his eyes darkened further with passion.  He grasped her thighs firmly and began to lower her core closer to his mouth.

Sit in my face baby," he breathed huskily.

It was her undoing she slowly lowered her core to the cool mouth and tongue waiting to devour her.  His fingers smoothed the damp curls covering her core and found the bud hidden by her wet glistening folds.  She was already slick and wet from her arousal.  Her arousal and her vanilla perfume filled the air around them.

He worked the bud between his lips and teeth opened his mouth wide and sucked her entire core in his mouth.  She threw back her head and screamed in pleasure.

Her taste, her smell, her heat enveloped him and he wanted to drown himself in her.   She was totally open to his touch, his smell, his eyes. His fingers gently combed through her curls that were wet and glistening with her arousal and his saliva.  His long tongue shot out and wrapped around her swollen bud and licking, lapping and nibbling and sending her spiraling over the edge.  His tongue voraciously circled her clit, licking and nibbling before he sucked it into his mouth.  Never breaking eye contact with her he stuck his finger in her tight wet sheath.  Swirled it around brought it out and licked her juices from his finger.

The muscles of her sheath clutched in pleasure at his action and another gasp of pleasure slipped from her lips.

"You taste of vanilla and musk and you," he breathed huskily.

Looking down in to his eyes, his face that was covered with her juices, hearing his erotic words were her undoing.  She ground her dripping wet core into his mouth as her keen of pleasure filled the air.  He cupped her ass in his strong hands bringing her closer to his mouth.  He drank her down like a fine wine savoring her juices as they flowed in his mouth.

For minutes her heavy breathing was all that could be heard in the room.  She still straddled his face.  He held her thighs in his hands keeping them firmly apart as he looked up at her a purely masculine smile of satisfaction on his face.  She could only smile down at him completely spent.  More than pleasantly numb.

Buffy heard the sound first and looked up to see the two men in black with grotesque smiling and sad faces.  She screamed.  Angel flipped her over and jumped over the divan to fight their intruders.

*     *     *     *     *

They were back in the hallway for the third time.  Angel having dispatched their intruders to whatever hell dimension they came from.

As they rounded a curve in the hallway they came face to face with Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Cordelia.

Everyone jumped back in surprise but Buffy and Angel.

"There you are," Cordelia said. "We decided to come looking for you when it took too long for you to come back."

"We heard moans of pain and screams and we were following the sounds, before we were way laid by those demons," Fred added.  "Did you all hear those moans and screams? They were practically making the roof shake."

Buffy blushed realizing that the moans and screams were her and Angel in the throes of passion.

"Yeah we heard them," Angel smiled secretly remembering those moans and screams.

"Angel what is that wrapped around your wrist?" Gunn asked curious about the bit of white lace and satin.

Buffy and Angel both looked down at the same time and realized that he still had her panties  on his wrist.  Angel hurriedly pushed the panties under his sleeves. "It's nothing Gunn," he answered.

Giving Buffy and Angel a shrewd look Wesley asked, "You don't think we need to worry about the reappearance of Angelus do you Angel?"

With and exasperated sigh Angel replied, "No, you don't.  You know that can't happen again."

"Just wanted to make sure," Wesley said.

"Enough," Angel said, "We know that the Prima Ballerina was having an affair with Stephan and Count Kurskov found out.  We need to find out what's going on here and get out of this endless hallway."

"I think I already know, Wesley said.   "The Count was a wizard.  As a punishment for her faithlessness the Count pulled her out of time and trapped her here.  We need to find the weak spot in this time continuum and break through it and try to reach the Count and destroy his power source."

"Okay," Buffy said, "That sounds reasonable.  We also have to deal with these clowns thingys running around."

Taking control Angel said, "Buffy they're going to need your strength.  You stay here with them and try to keep the," he smiled indulgently, "clown thingys busy so I can get to the Count."

"You got it," she smiled still floating on a pleasurable high.

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.  They both tasted their juices on each other's lips.

"Be careful," she breathed against his cool lips.

"You be careful my love," he whispered.

They both stood still looking at each other floating on the passion they had only so recently shared.

"Excuse me," Cordelia's grating voice broke their trance as did her stepping between them, "We need to get this over with.  I'm ready to go home.  This has not been the evening I had planned."

Giving each other one last look Buffy and Angel turned in different directions.  He to find a weak spot in the Counts hold on the time continuum and she to fight the clown thingys.

*     *     *     *     *

They were standing on her porch.  She was smiling up at him.

"Not exactly the evening I planned," he admitted looking down in her lovely face.

He still wondered how someone could look so lovely after fighting clown demon thingys.  Her hair was falling from its upswept hairstyle, she had a run in her stockings, and her corsage was wilted, her lipstick was completely gone probably from the blow job she gave him.  He smiled when he got home he'd check to see.

"I thought it was rather memorable," she said softly.

He brushed his knuckles down the her cheek.  "I'm sorry---not really sorry.  I know you want us to take it slowly.  I know how important it is for you that we wait and rebuilt the trust that I have broken down before we become intimate again and our last few times together we seem to be stepping over that bar you set."

Giving his words serious consideration Buffy replied, "You're right I do want to wait.  I don't think we should rush back into a sexual relationship."  She gave a wryly laugh, "Although these last two weeks we certainly have been face to face with each other.  Let's just put this behind us.  I don't regret it and I hope you don't either.  I want the next time we are together to be because it's the right time.  And we have both chosen to express our love in the physical sense.  Agreed."

He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, "Agreed."  He paused for a moment and asked her, "That was your first time swallowing, huh?"

She blushed, "Yeah."  She shook her head up and down.  "You taste delicious Angel," she breathed.

"Baby not as good as you.  You are ambrosia.  I can't get enough of your taste or smell," he confessed.

"Wow!" was her only reply.

"You said that there was one more thing you haven't done.  What is it?"

This time color creep up from Buffy exposed cleavage to her ears.  Stammering she said, "y-you ah, y-you may find it dis-distasteful.  Spike wanted me to let him...I wouldn't.  I want you to though," she finished clearly embarrassed looking down.

Lifting her chin up on his forefinger he said, "You don't have to be embarrassed with me Buffy.  If it is something you want to do and it brings us both pleasure there is nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I've never had anal sex before," she admitted barely audible to human ears but he heard her just fine.  "I've read about it and seen it on movies.  I’m curious.  I know I can trust you to be gentle and not to hurt me.  You are really---big and that's a concern, but if anyone can make it pleasurable it would be you."

For a moment neither said anything.

Buffy was afraid that she had embarrassed Angel with her kinky desire.  With the silence enveloping them she wanted to take back admission.

Angel couldn't believe it.  He never thought that Buffy would be interested in that.  Yes, he’d done it hundreds of times to hundreds of women who meant absolutely nothing to him.  Buffy---was his everything and he would make sure that he initiated her into it with gentleness, patience and tenderness.  The fact that she wanted him to be the first made his heart swell.  If his soul was not permanent it would take flight now.  She continued to gift him with pleasure unknown to him. She had gifted him with her virginity.  He was the first to taste the sweetness of her core.  With inexperience, but eagerness she had shyly given him a blow job the night she had given him her virginity.  Her very first blow job.  Tonight she allowed him to be the first man to come in her mouth and she drank it down like it was nectar.  Now to grant him with this gift.

Looking into her eyes.  His love shining forth,  "When you are ready and we both know the time is right, it will be my pleasure, Buffy."  There were no other words to express how he felt about this gift she was bestowing on him.

She smiled radiantly at him.  Not knowing what else to say hating to end the night, but knowing that she had to get some sleep.

"I guess I need to go inside. Thanks for dinner," she said holding up the fast food bag."

After the ballet they had missed their dinner reservations.  A stop off at the hotel to get her things and Gruslogg or Gosslog or whatever was there which made Cordelia happy.  Spent an hour talking with them and watching Connor sleep peacefully. It was late she had to get home to see Dawn off to school tomorrow. So Angel had stopped her at a fast food place to grab something to eat on his way to drive her home.

He reached around Buffy and opened her door and set her bags inside on the floor.  Kissing her again softly, "Dream of me love.  I promise you will have a starring role In My Dreams."

"As you will have In My Dreams," she whispered returning his kiss.

He stepped back, smiled at her and closed her door.  As he was walking to his car her arousal floated up to his nose he couldn't understand where it was coming from.  He looked down on his wrist and smiled.  Her panties were wrapped around it.

"Sweet dreams, baby," he muttered sliding behind the wheel of his car and pulling off.

As Buffy bounced up the steps she realized she was feeling quiet a lot of air to her sensitive area even for only wearing thongs.  Then she gave a Cheshire cat smile.  Her panties were still wrapped around Angel's wrist.

"Sweet dreams lover," she muttered continuing up the steps.

Part Six

Hellish Bells

Angel

I was driving down the dark California Highway on my way to Sunnydale. A trip that I have made a lot these last few months. A trip I enjoy making more and more. A trip that takes me to my beloved. Just the thought of seeing Buffy's face made me smile. A two hour sometimes maybe a two and a half-hour drive was nothing. I'd drive for eternity if my reward was to see Buffy. 

I looked at my watch. I was making great time. I tried to watch my speed. The last thing I needed was to be stopped by a highway patrolman. I was running later than I planned. Although if nothing unforeseen occurred I should get there just in time.

This day started off quiet. I was just spending time with Connor when Lorne came in to bring me the PTB's message. I wasn't expecting to have to go kill a monster before heading down to Sunnydale. 

After killing the monster I stopped by the PTB's to pick up Buffy's cross. That took me longer than I expected. I spent some time with Connor. I played with him, fed him, bathe him and sung him an old Irish song I remembered from my childhood. I always told Connor about my childhood in Ireland and told him about his Grandmother, Grandfather, his aunts, uncle and Doyle. The wonderful family that he would never meet in person but I wanted him to know all I knew about them. At least he'd always have them in his mind and heart. 

I settled Connor down in his crib made sure Fred and Gunn knew how to contact me if they needed me. I grabbed the bag I had packed and was leaving just as Wesley was coming through the door. He looked a little worried and pale. He had been looking like that a lot lately. He told me we needed to talk. I rushed past him and told him it would have to wait until I got back on Sunday maybe Monday night. If I was too late to escort Buffy to Xander and Anya's Wedding Rehearsal and Dinner it would be a long time until she forgave me. I wasn't risking her anger. Whatever hell demon or minion that was out there would damn well have to wait. 

As I drove down the California Highway my visit to the PTB's was playing around in my mind. Of course the PTB's added another stipulation to my Joining with Buffy. I should have expected they would. I sometimes think they spend all of their time trying to find ways to complicate my already complicated life. At any rate the new stipulation was the Slayer must be *flowing with the gift of mother nature* on the night of the full moon that we chose to wed. It only took me a few minutes to decipher what that phrase meant. Not only did we have to join on the night of a full moon when night becomes the day, which roughly translate to midnight, but *Buffy had to be on her menstrual cycle when we joined.* 

I asked the PTB's why was I only now being informed of this particular stipulation and they simply stated that *they* chose to inform me when it was relevant. Since I had passed their first challenge it was now relevant.

It could be weeks or months or maybe even years before Buffy's body was *flowing with the gift of mother nature* during a full moon. I was really beginning to hate the PTB's. 

I looked up at the sky as I drove towards Sunnydale and my beloved. The stars were twinkling and the moon..............well I'll be *damn.* The moon was almost full. Tomorrow night the night of Xander's wedding would be a full moon. Damn, if only it wasn't Xander and Anya's wedding. AND the biggest if only, IF ONLY Buffy was flowing. The thought made me smile. My beloved and her womanly cycle, to smell and taste of her during that time. I've always known when Buffy was having her monthly flow. I'm a vampire I can smell blood. Being around her during her cycle sometimes drove me insane with lust and need. 

I never said anything to Buffy. We never indulged before. Mostly because I didn't want to shock her virgin sensibilities. Even now I think it may be a little shocking for her to know how strong my desire was and will be for her during that time of the month. Blood is my craving. Mix that with my passion and love for Buffy and the feeling of craving, lust, desire, need is almost unbearable. 

Just the thought of making love to Buffy during her monthly cycle has caused me to become painfully aroused, made my mouthwater with anticipation. I took a deep breath. Just for something to do to get the visual of my beloved open and flowing, waiting for me to pleasure her out of my head. I shook my head briskly. Thoughts along that line will make it very difficult to drive, at least safely. Soon, I promise myself. We'll indulge soon. I know I'm being slightly arrogant but I know once the shock wore off she would accept my desire and I'd slowly teach her to enjoy it. I couldn't wait.

Buffy

I started cramping before I pulled in the driveway. Being the slayer it would seem that cramps wouldn't phase me, but they do. It feels like a demon is inside me taking pot shots at my stomach. Hurts like hell sometimes. And on patrol I am the worst *bitch.* I all but pummel vampires and demons before slaying them. I guess I get a little pissed every month. As if the slaying wasn't enough I still have to deal with cramps, cravings, bloating and the *ick* factor. Who wouldn't be a *bitch.*

The first thing I did when I got in was headed into the kitchen and made a cup of mocha. I grabbed a chocolate candy bar to munch with it and headed upstairs to take a soothing bubble bath. Even if I don't have the time I really don't have a choice. I peeped in to let Willow and Dawn know I was back and promised to talk to them as soon as I got out of the bath. Willow wanted to know if everything went okay. I told her it all depended on her definition of *okay.* I gave her a half smile and told her if okay meant I didn't have to slay anything then it went great. I know it sounded a little sarcastic but I couldn't help it at that point. Willow looked in my hand at the chocolate candy bar and the mocha and got that little knowing smile. I only ate chocolate candy bars and drank mocha together when it was that time of the month. She handed me a light blue candle. I gave her a quizzical look.

Willow told me: "No magic. It's from the health food and organic shop. It is suppose to induce calm and tranquility. Maybe a chocolate bar, mocha a bath and that candle can make *bitch* Buffy go away and *real* Buffy can come out to play," she said playfully. 

I took the candle from her and laughed. I knew there was a reason this little red head girl was my best friend. I headed to the bathroom.

I leaned my head back on my bath pillow and thought about the day's events. The meeting with Wesley had been a little unsettling. Holtz and Justine were both too sick to let walk around. I don't quite know what to do about them but something had to be done. They posed too big a threat to Angel and Connor. Hopefully Wesley had a few minutes to talk to Angel when he got back to LA.

I looked at the clock on the wall. As relaxing as this bath was and maybe even the candle, I gotta to get up and get dressed. Angel should be here shortly. I need to do a quick patrol before the rehearsal.

I stood up and the bubbles drifted down my body. I stepped out of the tub and towel dry off. I had to do my hair, touch up my nails, do my make up and find something to wear that would have Angel salivating all night without making me look like the *whore du jour.* Not that it really mattered at this point. It was that time of the month what could Angel and I possibly do. A few scenes from the dressing room at the ballet popped in my head. I shook the memories away. That was a no-no. It was my time of the month. I could give but unfortunately Angel could not reciprocate. 

*If only she knew*

Buffy, Angel and Spike - Lover's Collide

Buffy was out doing a quick patrol of the cemetery before heading to church for the rehearsal and dinner. She was beginning to think that maybe she should have dressed a little more practical. She'd chosen to wear an ankle length lavender stretch dress with a split up the back. She'd made the choice because the rehearsal and dinner were being held in church. The dress gracefully clung to her full breast, narrow waist, curved hips, softly rounded butt and hugged her thighs before falling to her ankles. Her only concession to practicality were the low heeled sling backs she'd chosen to wear. 

She knew he was there. She could sense him. A vampire that posed no threat and didn't give the Angel tingle. 

"Spike, go away," Buffy said turning and walking away from the direction she knew Spike was lurking. 

Spike stepped from behind an enormous tombstone and started following Buffy. His duster flapped around his boots making swishing noises as he walked.

Buffy idly wondered why Spike's duster couldn't move around his ankles without making noise like Angel's. Angel's duster was almost an extension of him contouring to his moves. Buffy shrugged the thought away and headed back to her house. She wanted to get away from Spike. 

"You can't just blow me off Slayer," Spike yelled running to keep pace with Buffy's retreating form. "Well if you want to you can," Spike said trying to sound seductive but the sexual double entendre fell on death ears.

Buffy surprised Spike by spinning around quickly. He skidded to a halt in front of her. Buffy pinned him with her penetrating *kill the annoying vampire* gaze. "I've never blown you off before, so why in the hell would I start now?" she asked dangerously clearly pissed at Spike.

"Maybe because now you have a little experience. You know after deep throating the Big Poof's cock." he explained lewdly.

Buffy smiled dangerously and slowly advanced on Spike taking satisfaction that he backed away from her. "Now how would you know that? Ease dropping outside my bedroom window or door.....again."

For a minute Spike looked shocked that she had known. He became defensive. "What does it matter? Let's just say I heard you give Red a play by play of your *suck, nibble and lick* of Nancy Boy's cock."

Buffy gave him an evil little smile. "What's wrong? Jealous? If you heard that much you must have heard how good I said he tasted. Mmmm," she purred sensuously trailing her tongue around her lips. "I tried to suck him black and blue." She gloated clearly pleased that she was making Spike angry. 

*Serves him right,* she thought. Next time he'll think twice about ease dropping on her conversations. Then as if her better sense had returned Buffy felt a bad for baiting and taunting him.

Buffy let out a long sigh. "Look Spike what Angel and I do to, for and with each other while making love is none of your business. You had no right ease dropping on what you knew was a private conversation between me and Willow." She felt him before his deep, melodious voice drifted across the night air.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." 

Angel's strong arms wrapped around Buffy's waist and pulled her up against him. He placed a kiss on her hair and rested his chin on her head while staring death stakes at Spike. Buffy couldn't see it but as soon as Angel pulled her in his arms he inhaled her fragrance as he always did. This time a sly smile came over his face. He inhaled again just to be sure. He didn't know if it was good fortune or bad timing. He'd know when he posed his question to her later this evening. Tomorrow night would be the full moon. Could he dare hope that Buffy would say yes. That they could sneak away from Xander's and Anya's wedding and Join with each other for eternity. He'd find out later. For now he had other things to concentrate on.

Buffy placed her hands on top of Angel's and turned enough to place a kiss on the corner of his lips. Their eyes met and held. Love shinning through. Buffy completely turned in Angel's arms. Never breaking eye contact with him. She tipped toed up her eyes drifting close as her lips eagerly sought out the cool firmness of his. Spike was temporarily forgotten as the lovers kissed. 

Angel softly ran his tongue over Buffy's lower lip sucking it in his mouth to nibble. she moaned and pressed her body more firmly against his. He released her bottom lip and his tongue darted inside her mouth to entwine with hers, to capture another taste of her. The kiss was hot, sensual and would have gotten completely out of control if not for the sulking voice that interrupted them.

"I'm still here you know." Spike pouted.

Angel broke the kiss with Buffy and looked up to stare at Spike. "The question is why are you still here?"

Buffy giggled at Angel's obvious impatience with Spike for interrupting their kiss. "Don't worry big guy," she purred in her best sultry tone, "we'll continue this later," she looked over her shoulder at Spike, "when we have more privacy."

"Continue it now for all I care," Spiked retorted as he stomped away from Angel and Buffy.

Buffy's tinkling laugher floated behind him.

"Did you talk with Wesley before you left?"

Angel thought about the quick conversation he had with Wesley. "Yeah, it was quick but I'll touch base with him again when I get back. Don't worry everything is under control. I know he's concerned about the threat Holtz and Justine pose to Connor. I'll get it under control I'll take care of it." He looked at the intense worry lining her face. "I promise you Buffy everything will be okay. I'll take care of Holtz and Justine."

Buffy mistakenly thought that Wesley had told Angel about everything. 

"Okay Angel. I have faith in you. I know you can take care of this," she let out a sigh of relief. "As much as I'd like to take Spike's suggestion we have to go. Don't want to be late for Xander's wedding rehearsal or the dinner," she teased lacing her arm through Angel's.

"No don't want that," he replied pulling Buffy closer to him. She looked up and bestowed her combination smile on him. He beamed. They were really going to have to do something about these commutes. He wondered if he could make the drive at least three times a week. As he thought about it he decided not only could he but as soon as he got things in order in LA and turned more and more over to the AI team he would.

"Angel?"

"Hmm."

He smiled down at her and for a moment she lost her train of thought. She was captured by his masculine allure. She wondered if they could just chuck the party and *do it* until they fainted from exhaustion. He brought her out of her reverie.

"Buffy what did you want, Love."

"Um, yeah, um," she finally remembered the question she was going to ask him. "What took you so long?"

He gave her a mysterious smile. "I have a little surprise for you later this evening. A surprise I hope you're going to love."

He couldn't help but laugh as her eyes lit up like a child in a candy store at the mention of a surprise. 

"Can you give me a hint?"

"No."

She playfully pouted and he kissed her forehead as they continued to walk to his car.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Although Angel had repeatedly assured Buffy several times that being in the church would not adversely effect him she nervously looked back at him through out the rehearsal. Instead of being annoyed by her constant vigil Angel was touched by her obvious concern for his well being.

With the rehearsal over they went downstairs to have the rehearsal dinner. Buffy and Angel were both relieved when the strained affair was over. Xander's father drank too much and hit on every female under 30. A one point Angel had to remove Mr. Harris' hand from Buffy's butt. Angel had squeezed his hand so hard he almost crushed the bones in it. Which if Buffy hadn't stepped in he probably would have done. 

On the other hand Xander's mother just sat looking at her husband in despair or disgust. Buffy wasn't sure which one it was. Anya's demon relatives were actually a little normal next to Xander's family. It was an odd collection of family but looking around Buffy thought it sorta fit. This was the hellmouth. Nothing was ever simple or normal.

After the dinner had ended and wedding party started slowly leaving. After getting assurance from Willow that she'd see to Dawn getting home safely Angel and Buffy left.

Angel wouldn't tell Buffy where they were going. Buffy sat close to Angel as he drove. Her head resting on his shoulders. Content to be in his company. She looked up at the sky and watched the full moon dart between the clouds. It was a beautiful night. For some reason she knew that this night was going to get better.

Buffy lifted her head off his shoulder as Angel parked the car. She knew where they were going. On top of the hill to look down on Sunnydale. She gave a sigh of contentment and followed him out of the driver's side of the car. Buffy hadn't been on this hill since that faithful night on Christmas day when Angel had tried to commit suicide but the world would not allow him. Yes, this was a new beginning for she and Angel. 

Buffy sat on the blanket between Angel's legs. Angel had planned this little romantic nighttime picnic. She remembered in Lorne's bar telling Angel if he wanted her to have a picnic then give her one in the moon light. Well tonight he had. When they had reached the top of the hill Angel had went to a bush and pulled out a picnic basket a blanket and wrapped gift. 

The nighttime picnic was just as Buffy envisioned it should be. Angel brought out a wicker basket, spread out a red and white checkered table cloth, next was a ice bucket with a bottle of wine and two long stemmed fluted wine glasses, a silver tray laden with foods and last he produced a portable CD player and switched it on. Soft jazz filled the air. It wasn't exactly the kind of music Buffy usually listened to but tonight it was the perfect. Buffy and Angel reclined on the blanket. Angel poured them both a glass of wine pulled Buffy between his legs and began feeding her with his fingers. *I'm in heaven,* Buffy thought.

The gift was still laying next to Angel undisturbed. Buffy was so wrapped up in enjoying being catered to by Angel she had almost forgotten about the gift. Almost. She titled her head backwards and Angel leaned down and softly brushed his firm lips against her full soft lips.

"I love you," she said reverently head still titled back looking at him.

"And I love you," he replied with just as much reverence.

They kissed again. The strain became too much on Buffy's neck and she gently broke off the kiss and settle back against his firm muscled cool body. The body she missed every day that he was away from her.

Angel looked at the moonlight shining through Buffy's hair. Her hair looked like moonbeams. To his eyes the moon turned her hair into a golden halo around her head. He vaguely wondered why he was so worried about seeing her in the sunlight when she shone so brightly under the beam of the moon and the glitter of the stars.

He poured himself another glass of wine. This was his third glass. Buffy's glass was almost empty. She'd had two glasses of wine. He debated on pouring her another glass and thought against it. He had some life changing questions to ask her this evening and he wanted to makes sure she was sounded in mind when she made her decision.

Buffy let out a loud sigh of pure unadulterated contentment. After the tense rehearsal dinner they had such gone thorough this was a much needed relief. She leaned back in to Angel's chest. Her back pressing against the firm muscles in his back and stomach. His coolness enveloped her and she snuggled closer to him.

As far as Buffy was concerned this was perfection. She hadn't eaten much at the rehearsal dinner. She'd been too busy trying to keep Anya's relatives and friends from killing Xander's father. The cheese, grapes, croissants and wine Angel had packed in the wicker picnic basket were absolutely delicious. Buffy ate every bit of it. 

She wasn't much of a drinker. She inwardly laughed when she thought of the three times she'd gotten *toasted.* The first time she had almost been eaten by a snake demon. The second time she had been with bad beer and she had *devolved* as Giles mildly put it. The third time she'd gotten drunk with Spike and had spent most of the night chucking up her stomach and wanting to crawl back in her grave.

This time was different she thought. She was sharing a romantic glass of wine with the man she loved. She was finally getting the whole drinking thing right. With the right man. A beautiful brisk night. No to hot, not too cold, just right for snuggling with the man you love. Buffy rolled the glass of wine between her hands. *This night can't get better,* she thought.

Angel was captivated by the sweet little smile playing around Buffy's mouth.

"What are you thinking about," he asked his lips gently brushing across Buffy's ear.

A shiver of desire went thorough Buffy from just the timbre of his voice and the brush of his lips against her ear. She wondered if it was possible to love too much or desire too much. Then she chided herself of course it wasn't.

"Oh, just wondering how long it's going to take you to give me my present," she teased.

She had remembered the gift and reached to pick it up. She sat her wine down and lifted the medium sized wrapped package. She shook it a few times and heard something rattle inside the package.

She felt Angel's chuckle rumbling against her back. He pulled her tighter against his muscled chest and kissed her on the side of her face.

"What makes you think it's for you and not for Xander and Anya? They are the ones getting married you know," he teased in return.

"True, but the gift says to the one who posses my heart and soul," she countered. "I'm hoping that's me."

Angel turned Buffy around to face him. The gift slid off her lap as she was turned. She automatically wrapped her arms around Angel's neck. She was now sitting on Angel's lap facing him her legs straddling him.

"Buffy never doubt that you are the one who posses my heart and soul," he professed solemnly. "I love you more than I can ever put in to words"

"I feel the same about you," Buffy told him just a solemnly.

For minutes they both stared in to each other's eyes. Communicating their love, devotion and commitment to each other. Angel felt that this was his cue. Reaching around Buffy he retrieved the gift from the ground. He placed the gift in her hands.

"Open it," he ordered gently.

Giving him a quizzical look Buffy scooted back on his thighs a little to give her more room to open the gift. It was wrapped with white pearlized paper with embossed hearts. A silver satin finish bow adorned the top. Buffy painstakingly removed the bow setting it aside before taking off the white wrapping paper. After folding it she lifted the lid off the box and pushed the tissue paper aside. Folded in the box was a silk silver dress.

"It's beautiful," Buffy muttered in awe. 

She hadn't realized she'd even spoken aloud. She lifted the dress from the box and shook it out. The material was so soft and silky in her hands. It shimmered in the moon light falling in soft folds against her. It had no decoration or adornment. It was an ankle length sheath with a simple heart shaped neckline and a back split for movement. It's beauty was it's simplistic cut and the beautiful expensive fabric is was made out of. Buffy knew without trying it on that it was a perfect fit. Angel had the dress made especially for her.

"Wow," she looked at Angel in total adoration. 

Angel promised himself that as long as he walked the earth and beyond he'd remember the look in her eyes at this moment.

"There's more," he told her.

She carefully laid the dress over her lap and pulled out a pair of pumps in the same color. The front of the pumps were done in a delicate rosette lace. The shoes had about a 3 inch heel. This dress was so familiar to her. This is the dress that she wore in the dreams she'd been having for months. Standing before Angel in a circle of roses and candles she wore this silver dress. She didn't know what was going on but she intended to find out.

Buffy lifted questioning eyes to Angel. "Are we going to the ballet again?" 

'"If you want to but that's not why I had this dress made for you love," he said. then taking a deep breath Angel continued. "Buffy a few months ago I started having this dream. It was about a Joining. A Joining is the commitment.....or union between a demon and a human. It's a very sacred and life and beyond binding union. It is so revered and sacred that only the PTB's have the power to grant permission for this union."

He looked down at Buffy to make sure she was comprehending what he was saying. 

"Go on," she encouraged.

"I went to the PTB's before I came to see you a few months ago. I asked for the permission to Join with a human. The Joining of a demon and human isn't something that can be taken lightly. It's not like human weddings. There is no divorce in Joining's. Joinings are *eternal.* They are the quintessential *forever that's the whole point* type joining. If a demon and a human Join it is forever. Once you Join there is no turning back or getting out. Not even death can break the bonds of a Joining."

Angel paused to let everything he was telling her sink in. "A demon and a human could marry in the human way but the PTB's or the demon world would not recognize or honor the union. Because the human and demon world are different spheres a Joining is the only way a demon can truly make a commitment to a human. Breaching the spheres combining them. Overcoming the difference and accepting them. I have a soul Buffy but I am still a demon. I'm in the human world but I'm not yet a part of the human world."

He expelled a breath, "I want my commitment to be recognized in the human and demon world and every other dimension there is. A Joining would accomplish that. So, I made my request to the PTB's. After much discussion among themselves the PTB's granted my request." Angel took another deep breath and plowed on, " I asked for permission to Join with you. That is if you will have me."

For a moment Buffy was totally stunned. Her dream. He'd had it too. They had again shared a dream. A dream of their future. This was it, she thought joyfully. Not only the dream she'd been having for the last few months but this is what she dreamed about since she was a starry eyed school girl of sixteen in love with a 240 plus year old vampire. It wasn't going to be the church wedding and white dress and tuxedos like Anya and Xander. This would be a private ceremony that she and Angel would share together. A momentous undertaking. Joining in life and the after life. Joining for an eternity.

Angel was beginning to get nervous. Buffy hadn't answered. She was giving him this strange look. Her expression was one of surprise and he couldn't tell the other emotion, but he wasn't sure it was good. Suddenly that strange expression turned into an enormous smile and the strongest Slayer ever to live hurled herself against him knocking him backwards placing wet kisses where ever her lips landed. His eyes, forehead, cheeks, jaw, ear, chin, neck, chest. 

'Yes, yes, yes, yes," she said exuberantly between kisses. "I had the dreams too Angel. I've had the dreams too," she confessed.

They were both laughing between kisses and hugging. Angel felt wetness on his cheeks and realized that Buffy was crying as she continued to chant her mantra. *Yes, Yes, Yes,* over and over. Angel was doing something he thought he had forgotten how to do. *Rejoice.*

It took a few minutes but between the kisses and tears they were both able to calm down.

"There's more Buffy," he informed her.

"What more?" she asked a little fear creeping into her voice.

"It's nothing major," he reassured her. "Just a few stipulations."

"Okay what stipulations," Buffy asked weary she knew how the PTB's worked. If this was dangerous to Angel she'd veto it until they could come up with a better plan.

"Well, one we have to join on the night of a full moon when night becomes the day, which roughly translates to midnight, and you have to be flowing with the gift of mother nature."

For a second Buffy was confused. What the hell were they talking about. Flowing with the gift of mother nature. What sort of nonsense was this. Then it hit her. She wondered if a light bulb appeared above her head as the meaning of the phrase dawned on her.

She'd never thought she'd be embarrassed about this, but she knew that if she and Angel lived together he'd know about these things. It was something that couples shared.

"Um....uh.....um," she never thought she'd be this embarrassed, "I'm um, *flowing* now."

"I know Baby," he admitted.

"How do you know!? Oh,......Oooooh. The blood of course......." she shook her head as if she was the village idiot. "You can smell a drop of blood one hundred yards away so of course you knew. When we were together before, when we first started dating you've always known when.......when I was, um.....*flowing,*" she decided if the word was good enough for the PTB's it was good enough for her to use. "I guess that really grossed you out a lot, huh? I use to wonder why during that *time of the month* you were always gone. I stupidly thought it was just a coincidence. I was just glad you weren't around to watch *bitch Buffy* appear."

Buffy dropped her chin. She didn't know if she was quite ready to deal with a subject this intimate with Angel. She knew that it was a part of the nature of being a woman. It didn't mean that she wasn't uncomfortable discussing it for the first time with the man she loved and was planning on spending the rest of her mortal and then eternal life with.

Angel cupped his finger under her determined little chin and lifted her head up until her eyes met his.

"The reason I was never around during that time wasn't because I was grossed out. It was because I was so turned on I didn't know if I could keep my hands off you. Buffy when you were *flowing*," he decided to use that word because she seemed to be comfortable with it, "my desire for you was so strong I would leave because I didn't want to embarrass you with my unnatural desire to devour you. to lick and taste your essence. To have you literally *flowing* in my mouth. To taste your natural nectar mixed with the sweet tanginess of your blood. As for *bitch Buffy* I think I have the cure for what ails you."

The erotic picture his words elicited in Buffy's mind had her breath coming in shallow puffs. 

"Wow, Angel," she breathed lost in the desire swirling in the deep chocolate depth of his eyes. He was a vampire. Vampires craved blood. She was flowing. *Wow* was all she could think.

"Buffy we may never get another chance like tomorrow night for quite awhile. All the stipulations to our Joining are at hand. Tomorrow night is the night of the full moon. You are *flowing with the gift of mother nature.*" He let Buffy put the rest of what he was saying together.

"You want to Join tomorrow night the same night Xander and Anya get married," she asked incredulously. She couldn't believe it. Tomorrow her best friend would married his ex-demon girlfriend and she would join with her Vampire soul mate for eternity. *It could be done,* she thought. Anya and Xander were getting married in the afternoon and the reception would probably last for a few hours. By her calculations there would be plenty of time to get to the mansion. Of course they'd have to find roses but she could grab some of those from the wedding and get candles from home. *We can do it!!* she thought ecstatically. 

She did not hesitate. She leaned forward until her lips touched his. She knew how turned on Angel got when she breathed and licked on his lips. Warming them with her breath and lips. 

"How can I say no. I have the dress, the shoes, *the flow* and tomorrow night we will have the full moon."

She teased his lips licking and nibbling on them not giving Angel the pressure she knew he craved. Losing his patience Angel growled at Buffy. She laughed and finally gave him the carnal, sensual hot kiss they both craved. Buffy tasted the red wine on his tongue and vaguely wondered if her mouth tasted of full bodied wine they had been drinking.

Angel pulled Buffy as close to his body as he could get her. The natural smell of her mixed with the tang of her blood and that soft vanilla perfume she wore was driving him to distraction. Her full breasted pressed against his chest the warmth of her core pressing in to the fabric of his silk shirt heating his cool skin. She was sitting on his lap facing him. Her legs were wrapped around his waist pulling him close as they devoured each other's lips. He wanted to devoured another set of lips on her a little lower. Sink his tongue into her core and taste her essence mixed with the erotic tangy taste of her blood. He growled against her lips. He felt the shiver of desired course through Buffy. Her arousal perfumed the air around them. It took all Angel's vampiric control to break the kiss. He laid his forehead against her forehead and framed her small face in the palms of his hands. He seared her with the desired flaming in his eyes. Hot chocolate eyes.

"Tomorrow night Buffy when you are mine and I am yours in the eyes of the PTB's and all the universe I'm going to taste you.....All of you," he elaborated. He held her eyes until she got his meaning.

Angel watched the blush creep up her neck to heat her face.

He darted his long thick tongue out and licked her lips. "All of you."

Buffy visibly swallowed at the heat of desire his eyes were generating. *Flowing with the gift of mother nature* didn't seem as bad as

Part Seven

In My Nightmares - Shifting Loyalty

Between Sunnydale and LA

The diner was crowded and noisy. In the background music was blaring from a juke box, a waitress could be heard calling out an order to the cook, dishes made clattering sounds as the bus boys swept them into their containers. The patrons voices seemed to rise all around them trying to be heard. Wesley and Buffy found themselves talking louder than they wanted to be heard over the noise and clatter.

Buffy sat in the cracked red vinyl booth, elbows resting on the metal and Formica table staring across at Wesley as he nursed his tea. Well, complained about and nursed his tea. He looked better than he sounded an hour ago. Although he looked tired he clean and neat. He wore a pressed button down shirt. Every button buttoned. Some things about Wesley would never change. A pair of khaki slacks and loafers. His hair was a little mused and he had a sorta faraway look in his eyes, but all in all he looked good. Not a bad looking guy for an ex-watcher.

Buffy sipped her coffee, which tasted like it was made last week. She added more milk and sugar to it hopelessly trying to improve its taste. She tried to let the shock settle in from the information Wesley had just imparted. She gave a wry bark of laughter and shook her head at the same time.

"So, he didn't really know but he was suspicious?" She asked wanting to make sure Giles' had never learned her secret.

"Yes." Wesley replied louder than he wanted. He dipped his bag of tea into the hot water in the Styrofoam cup and looked around nervously. "That's why I called you."

Wesley warred with himself on how much to tell Buffy about what he had deciphered from the scrolls. He made the decision to tell her as little as possible until he could be assured of Connor's safety. He didn't know who Buffy would put first if it came down to a life or unlife. Angelus or Connor.

Buffy shook her head and gave a world-weary sigh. "Let's walk," she said. She didn't wait on his reply she got up and walked out the diner the bell over the door ringing as they walked out.

Buffy walked to one of the picnic tables located a few feet away from Joe's Cafe and the service station. She straddled one of the benches and sat looking out at the highway. Wesley took a seat opposite Buffy and stared at the highway too. There wasn't much else to stare at. It was a narrow two-lane highway. Really just an entrance and exit to the main highway. Buffy and Wesley were sitting in an area that was labeled *picnic area.* There were more weeds than grass. The sparse grass was worn in places due to heavy foot traffic and lack of care. The outdoor grill looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in years. There were a few chipped and peeling dark, shiny green tables with benches. Across the highway was a vacant grassy lot with a few trees scattered about that truckers and patrons had started using as an extra parking lot.

"Tell me again about the Scrolls." Buffy placed her shades on her eyes and turned on the hard wooden bench to look at Wesley.

"Because there are so many missing parts thanks to Lilah I can't completely decipher the last paragraph of the scroll," he lied glad he couldn't see her eyes behind her shades. "From what I have been able to decipher so far it seems to read *that the child may be placed in danger by the father.*" Wesley knew that wasn't exactly the truth but it was close enough. As much, maybe more than he should reveal to her.

"I'm not concerned about outside forces," he continued, "I know Angel is quite capable of protecting Connor from harm in that event. So, of course, my next fear.....Angelus. I've only met him for a brief period of time and it was not a….pleasant experience let me assure you. I need to know if Connor would be in any kind of danger from Angelus if he was to rear his head, so to speak. After reading Giles' personal diaries I knew that you would probably be the best person to ask about Angelus. The one person that perhaps knew him best or as well as anyone can know him."

Buffy shook her head in understanding. She wasn't going to ask Wesley how he had came across Giles personal diaries. That didn't seem to be revenant at this moment. For a long time she was silent. Letting the knowledge that Giles had been suspicious of her sink in. She believed that Giles would have understood about her brief love/lust/hate/fuck relationship with Angelus....but Spike, she didn't think she could handle it if Giles found out about Spike. He would be so disappointed in her. She smiled to herself. Giles would probably kill Spike if he learned about their little fuck fest. Giles would blame Spike for taking advantage of Buffy during a vulnerable moment. Giles would only be partially right.

Finally she spoke. "Connor wouldn't be in any danger from Angelus. Not, right now. Angelus is very territorial.......very jealous.......very possessive. Very protective of what he views as *HIS.* He'd protect Connor with his life or unlife. Not because he loved Connor, I don't think Angelus is capable of the true feeling of love, but because Connor was a part of him and Darla. He would see Connor as a symbol of his superiority as a vampire, as a demon. Connor would feed Angelus' arrogance and ego. Sire and Childe making a child of light to turn into a child of darkness. Angelus would feel as if everything *EVIL* had covered him in darkness and deemed him worthy. Angelus wouldn't hurt Connor at least physically. Who knows what he would teach him or put him through as part of his learning and growing to be the heir to a Master Vampire. He'd probably wait until Connor was an adult about the same age he was when Darla turned him and do the same to Connor. Except Angelus would probably make it some grand ceremonial right of passage thingy."

"So, you don't think he'd kill Connor?" Wesley tried to clarify.

Buffy thought of her time with Angelus. Of his jealousy when he thought that another man had touched her or she found another man attractive, of his possessiveness, his anger at her when she refused to allow him to turn her. "As I said not right away. Not until he's older. I think the biggest threat Angelus poses to Connor is how he would raise him. Can you imagine a human child raised to love the vampiric lifestyle? Groomed to be a Master Vampire. A virtual Prince of Darkness!"

Buffy shuddered at the thought of such a childhood and looked across the picnic table just in time to see Wesley do the same thing.

"What can you tell me about Angelus?" Wesley pressed for more answers.

Buffy took her shades off and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Her eyes clouded over and for a moment Wesley thought that she would not answer the question. She did.

"What I most remember about Angelus is his mood swings. They were terrifying. One moment he would be reasonable, patient, even his version of gentle. The next moment he would be brutal, cruel and vicious. Not only in words but also in his actions. His jealousy and possessiveness were the most frightening things to encounter. The one thing I remember about Angelus during that time was no matter how badly he treated me. And believe me Angelus was no Prince. There was not a vampire or demon around who would touch me. And if he came upon me fighting vampires he'd literally tear them apart. When I asked him about it. He said, *I was his and he was the only demon allowed to touch me.* I found out from Spike only a few months ago that Angelus had issued a death warning to any vamp or demon who harmed me. Angelus is very protective of anything he views as his. He would allow nothing to harm Connor. Anyone or thing that tried would learn that there were worst things than death." Buffy shook the memories away. Took a deep cleansing breath and slowly exhaled.

"I don't' know why you're even worried about this. Angel's soul is permanent. Angelus is long buried in Angel's subconscious. You need to talk to Angel about this Wesley. Let him know about the prophecy and your fears. Give him a chance to assure you and himself as well, that there is nothing to worry about. Maybe he can go to the PTB's and make sure that there is no way Angelus can be brought back. At least give him a chance to assure that Connor is safe."

"Yes, you are quite right." Wesley agreed with Buffy still debating what to do. Buffy's assurance still had not completely allayed his fears. Perhaps Angel could visit the PTB's and see if there was a danger of Angelus being released. Maybe........Before his next thought crossed his mind he heard a *swish* sound. He looked up just in time to see a knife coming directly towards their table.

Buffy snatched the knife out *thin air* and with a flick of her wrist threw the long lethal knife back in the direction it came from. They both watched as Justine grabbed the knife just in time to keep it from imbedding in her shoulder. The blade had sliced through her hand.

"Are you all right, Wes? Buffy asked jumping up heading towards their assailants, Wesley close behind her.

"Quite alright, thank you, Buffy," Wesley answered.

Buffy saw them across the two-lane highway. A tall, large boned woman with red hair. She was dressed in tight denims pants jacket, and a cotton stretched top. The man standing beside didn't even try to assist her in stopping her cut from bleeding. If anything he seemed annoyed that she had allowed herself to be cut. He was of medium height with scraggly long brown hair, bushy eyebrows over intense eyes, a thin cruel lips and a weak chin. He was wearing baggy brownish gray pants and shirt covered with a long coat. The words crazed came to mind as Buffy stared at him.

"I imagine that must be Holtz?" Buffy asked Wesley dodging a car as she crossed the two-lane highway to the other side where Holtz and his companion stood.

"Yes, and the girl beside him is Justine, his protege." Wesley informed her.

Buffy gave a sinister little smile when she realized the blade had severely cut the red head's hand and she was briskly wrapping the hand up to staunch the bleeding, "He needs to give his protege more training," she informed Wesley.

Buffy and Wesley stopped in front of them. "You really shouldn't play with knives," Buffy taunted, "they are sharp and pointy and they make you bleed, but I guess you know that now."

Justine's eyes flashed with anger and she stepped towards Buffy. Holtz detained her by placing his arm in front of her. Buffy gave her *if you think you're bad enough come on* look. Justine glanced at Holtz and stood still seething in impotent anger.

"So you are the famous Slayer." Holtz said his eyes raking Buffy from head to toe. "The strongest Slayer in history."

"I keep denying it, but everyone keeps telling me I am," Buffy quipped.

"A Slayer who loves and protects the Scourge of England. You are worst than he is! You should be killed for failing to uphold your duty!" he stated vehemently.

For a moment Buffy was taken back by the hatred burning from his eyes. She shrugged, "Many have tried. They are dead. I'm still here."

Justine held her injured hand close to her body. The knife nowhere in sight. "How can you lay down with a demon?" Justine asked with disgust. She spat at Buffy's feet. Her spittle hitting Buffy's shoe.

Buffy's first instinct was to Bitch Slap her across the expanse of make shift parking lot, but she held her temper. "It's really quite easy and.....quite pleasurable," Buffy said flippantly. "I think you're just jealous because you aren't his type."

"Do you have any idea of the demon you lay with?" Holtz asked incredulously. "Do you know what this *thing* has done!? The evil he has wrought on this earth!? Do you even care!?"

Buffy started to answer and Holtz held up his hand to stop her. "If you are going to tell me he now has a soul, your friend here has already argued that point with us. It changes nothing."

Buffy turned to look at Wesley who was coloring and looking everywhere but at her. She swung her eyes back to Holtz.

Holtz stepped menacingly towards Buffy but stopped when he saw the very slight movement as her eyes and body shifted to fight mode.

"Angel or Angelus. They are the same," Holtz told her. "They inhabit the same body. They have the same memories. The flip side of the same coin. I told your friend here what Angelus and Darla did to my family. Allow me tell you."

Holtz gravely voice dripped hatred as he related his tale. "My son was barely older than Connor. They snapped his neck and left him in his crib. Blanket tucked under his chin like he was sleeping peacefully. One of them, Angelus or Darla turned my 12 year old daughter into what they are; a demon. And.......And your *Angelus* violated my wife and left her spread eagle on our bed for me to find!"

He looked at Buffy in disgust. "That is the monster that you lay with and love and protect willingly! You are nothing but a *Whore!* Worst you are the whore the worst Vampire to ever plague mankind! The Watcher's council should punish you for failing to uphold your duty! You are unfit to be a Slayer! You are a disgrace to all that being a Slayer stands for in this world! You lay down with the demon that VIOLATED my wife! You fornicate with the devil incarnate!"

Buffy took a deep breath. It was always disconcerting to come face to face with many of the things Angelus had done. She knew what he was and yet she had loved him. Not like the love she had for Angel, but she did love Angelus. She would not let this man's evil words break her down. And he seemed to be more concerned about the violation of his wife than he was about the death of his family. *Why is that?* she thought.

"Right now we haven't done a whole lot of *fornicating* but I'm looking forward to it," she said cheekily. Then brushing her hair behind her ear she said, " Look I'm not going to say I'm sorry for what Angelus did to your family. I can't apologize for his sins. Only he can and you and I both know Angelus never will. Knowing Angel I know that he has tried to apologize to you. Angel is doing everything he can to redeem himself for sins he's not responsible for. Angelus is not responsible for Angelus sins. If you just rid yourself of all that self-righteous hatred you have you'll realize that. As for your opinion of me, it doesn't matter to me." She gave him one of her trade mark smart ass smile, "I may be a *whore,* but ya gotta admit I'm a whore of a Master Vampire. How many Slayers can hold that title!"

Buffy was rewarded by the gasp of disbelief by both Justine and Holtz. Her smiled widen across her face.

"These are the people you work with Wesley," Holtz sneered, "These are the people you think are worthy of protecting and fighting for. They are unworthy of you Wesley. You are protecting a demon that violated my wife!!!"

It finally hit Buffy. She looked up at Holtz with new understanding in his eyes. "You've done all of this. You talk about me but you have made a pact with a demon to punish Angelus. Not Angelus and Darla, just Angelus. You've condemned your soul to hell for vengance. For what? Angelus did no more to your family than he did to others."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. "You aren't as hell bent on punishing him because he killed your son and daughter as you are for what he did to your wife. If he would have just killed your wife your would have continued to hunt him, but you would have never gone to the lengths you have gone to. You *sold* your soul to punish Angelus for *violating* your wife."

This time Buffy was the one who advanced on Holtz. "I know what it's like to be in the presence of Angelus. You try to deny your attraction to him, to avoid his seduction but you can't. You have blamed your wife for something she had no control over. You have no idea what's it like to look in to the eyes of pure passion. To look upon a man/vampire/demon whatever you want to call him whose unearthly beauty steals your breath."

Buffy took a deep breath and took another step closer to Holtz. Wesley and Justine were as captive to her words as Holtz.

"His eyes promise you pleasures unknown to the human body and then his lips, mouth, tongue, fingers" Buffy gave Holtz a sad smile, "and other parts of his body takes you to the highest high of ecstasy. Ecstasy so high that you offer him your life just for giving you a pleasure so intense your body goes into pleasure overload and you feel as if you are dying...........dying from ecstasy. What you found when you walked in your bedroom was not a wife who had been, beaten, bruised, ravaged, clothes ripped and torn from her body. What you found made you hate both her and Angelus with a passion that has consumed you. With his unearthly beauty and hypnotic gaze Angelus seduced your wife and left her naked, spread eagle for you to find. A smile of ecstasy frozen on her lifeless face."

Buffy shook her head in disgust, "You haven't hunted Angelus down for murdering your family. You've hunted him down because your wife didn't fight him, because he seduced her. You have hunted him for doing what you were never able to do.....give your wife an orgasm, make your wife crave him and not just submit out of duty."

"Shut up Whore!!" Holtz screamed spittle flying from his mouth. "My wife was a virtuous woman! A woman who did not look for pleasures of the flesh! She was a righteous woman who knew pleasure of the flesh was only for men and loose women with not moral fiber. Physical pleasure was not for virtuous women like my wife! That was until that monster you love, protect and fornicate with violated her! He left me a note telling me everything he had done to her! Everything she had done to him! How she had *begged* him to...to...do things to her. How she had screamed as he gave her pleasure. He turned my wife into a *whore* before drained her dry! *A Whore!* Just like you are! Just like Darla was!"

Buffy tried to emphasize with Holtz but found she couldn't. His actions to punish Angelus were not driven by pain and anguish, but by hatred, male ego, jealousy and an evil no different from Angelus. He was not hunting Angelus to avenge his family or to save mankind. He was hunting Angelus to avenge his shattered manhood. Buffy realized that Holtz was way past dangerous, he was *SICK!* Mentally.

And out of no where Holtz's hand shot out to slap Buffy. She caught his hand in mid air and with a twist of his wrist and a shove she sent him flying through the air to land hard on his ass. Out the corner of her eye she turned just in time to see Justine flying at her knife raised in a high arch in both hands. With a single shove with the palm of her hands in Justine's chest Buffy she sent her flying through the air to land sprawled next to her psycho boss. The knife flying from her hands to land several feet out of her reach.

Buffy strode over and looked down at both of them. When Justine tried to rise she placed her foot her neck and pressed down. Hard. Buffy looked over at Holtz who was trying to rise.

"Move and I'll snap her neck," Buffy threatened. She looked down at Justine and if looks could kill Buffy would have been road kill on the highway. Wrapped her hands around Buffy's ankle and tried to force Buffy's foot off her neck.

Buffy gave Justine a chilling smile and applied more pressure to her neck causing her to gag, before she eased up on the pressure. Buffy waved her finger tauntingly back and forth in front of Justine's face. "If I have to repeat myself you have no idea how much you'll regret it." she told Justine.

Holtz didn't know that Buffy would never kill a human. He struggled to a sitting position and glared at her and then at Wesley. "These are the people you associate with ex-watcher. No wonder the council terminated your services," he sneered.

"I've had enough of this so let's just end it." Buffy turned and looked at Holtz. She had tried to reason with him and it didn't work. It was time someone forced him to face a few facts.

"You were hunting and terrorizing Darla and the Scourge of England yet you left no one to protect your family. You were supposed to be the famed vampire hunter. Didn't common sense tell you that Angelus and Darla would strike at what would hurt you the most. The people you loved. So let's just lay a little blame where it belongs. Fame was more important to you than your family. You wanted your name to go down in Vampire Hunter and Watcher history as the vampire hunter who killed The Scourge of England and Darla. Instead you went down in history as the vampire hunter who failed to protect his family and The Scourge of England and Darla murdered them. You are not blameless in this Holtz. I think that too is why you can't accept that Angelus is gone. You have to assuage your guilt for failing to properly protect your family. And if you can't punish Angelus you'll choose the next best person Angel."

The look on Holtz face told how close to the truth Buffy's statement was. Buffy turned to look at Wesley. "I think we have as Giles would say, *hit the nail on the hammer," she misquoted.

"That's not quite the way the saying goes, Buffy." Then looking at the what was going on around him Wesley let out a British sigh, "Never mind it's not important about the saying and you do seem to be right, misquote and all."

"Angel is not a person," Holtz sneered. His hatred of Buffy shining in his eyes. "That's what's wrong with you and your associates. You see that thing as a person and it's not. He's a demon. Regardless to what you have said it does not change who he is, what he is or what he has done. And I will make him pay for what he has done."

Buffy removed her foot from Justine's neck and stepped back as she sat up. "Get up." She ordered both of them. She and Wesley stood facing them.

"I'm only going to give you this warning once. Stay away from my man and our child. Yes," she said to their bewildered expressions, " He is a part of Angel and therefore I consider Connor to be my child. You touch either one of them and I will personally hunt you both down like rabid vampires and *death* will be the least of your concerns."

She looked at Holtz and Justine at length letting her warning sink in. Letting them both see the truth of her words. When she was satisfied they understood her she turned to walk away from them. She didn't look to see if Wesley would follow. She heard him walking next to her.

"Wesley," Justine called out, "you are too good to be with these people. You are with the wrong group. When you realize that we will be waiting for you."

Buffy didn't bother too look back at them. She was not concerned about the threat they posed to Angel and Connor. They were on the outside. Angel was more than capable of handling them and if he needed help she would be there for him. She was concerned about the threat Wesley might posed to Angel and Connor.

* * * * * * * *

Wesley had explained to Buffy what had occurred with one of Holtz followers pretending to need help, almost getting Gunn and Fred killed. Him following her back to Holtz headquarters. Wesley still had not told Buffy the entire truth about the prophecy from the scroll. He was still debating what to do about it. He didn't think Buffy could be objective. She loved Angel and apparently Angelus too much to see things objectively.

Buffy and Wesley silently walked to her car. They stood at her car door Wesley restlessly cleaning his eyeglasses and placing them back on. "I will be careful now that I know they are following me. They are probably following all of us."

"Yes, keep a close watch out for them. Wesley, regardless to what he says Angel is not responsible for Angelus' crimes. Angel is not evil. You know that right?" She searched Wesley's eyes for assurance.

He gave her a weary smile and squeezed her arm. "I know. I realize how demented he is now. I'll be more careful in the future and I'll alert Angel and the others to be more cautious now."

"Good, good. You will tell Angel about our meeting?" she prompted holding his gaze.

"I will tell him," he promised.

Satisfied with his response Buffy gave his arm and affectionate squeeze and climbed up in her car. "Angel 'll know what to do." She gave Wesley another smile of assurance and drove off leaving him standing in the parking lot of Joe's diner.

* * * * * * *

In LA (Tunnels under South Beach)

Angel stood looking at the large three headed, three eyed, four armed with claw like hands, two stubby legged Dryaikin demon. A large headless, armless and minus one leg glob. To be such an enormous bloated thing it certainly moved quickly. That didn't matter now. Parts of its body were chopped off and strewn all over the tunnel. It's pus like acid smelling yellow blood filling the tunnel with its stench.

Angel leaned heavily against the wall of the tunnel. If he breathed he would be gasping for breath. His coat and shirt were torn and covered in demon blood. He had a few scratches on his chest, hands and arms but nothing serious. He had been fighting the demon for what felt like hours. The stench of the demon assaulting his olfactory glands. Its high pierced screams tearing at his sensitive hearing. A few times he lost concentration just battling the demon's stench and it piercing screams.

None of that mattered now. He had prevailed. He came here to win and he knew he would. His future with his wife and son depended on his winning. With that hanging in the balance he was relentless. The Dryaikin demon never stood a chance.

Angel stood up straight reached down on the ground grabbed and old discarded cloth and cleaned off the blade of his ax. He secured the ax back on the hook inside his coat, took one more look at the Dryaikin demon, gave a satisfied smile turned and walked away from the carnage. He started whistling off tune. He had a wedding to attend. Not his but soon it would be. First he had to make a stop to see the PTB's and pick up something he'd left with them.

Part Eight

Vows

Angel

I lift Connor up and toss him in the air and catch him delighting in his laughter. He is such a silly little fellow. Gunn' s doing I suspect.

I hold Connor up level with my face.

"Well, little fellow what do you say we go call Buffy. I think we've given her enough time to *find* herself, huh?"

For an answer Connor cooed, pulled my eyelids and dropped drool between my eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes," I laughed, wiping the drool from my face. I head down to my office to call my beloved. I look at my watch it's a little after 2:00 a.m. in the morning.

Buffy

I hear the telephone ringing. I look at my watch it's after 2:00 a.m. I wonder who it could be this time of the morning. Probably Xander and Anya having another of their disagreements about something so simple I will want to scream at them for calling at this time of the morning. I let out a weary sigh. I step inside the window to answer the telephone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy walked over to her bed flopped down, crossed her legs, leaned back against her headboard, reached over to the night stand and picked up the telephone. 

"What is it Xander?" she asked impatiently.

"This isn't Xander," the voice answered.

Buffy sat straight up. Her fingers tightened on the telephone. She was smiling like the proverbial idiot. It was Angel on the telephone. Her Angel.

"Angel?!" she always said his name as a question, a sigh and a caress all in one. "Uh, um........Hi," she finally got out an intelligent word.

"Hi," Angel responded.

For a few seconds the line was absolutely quiet. Neither of them spoke. Buffy was just so stunned to hear Angel on the other end of the line. She was just sitting out on the roof thinking about how she wanted him to call and *viola* he did.

Angel was experiencing the same feelings. He was sitting on the roof of the hotel thinking about her. Wanting to hear her voice. To hear her soft breath. To hear his name on her lips. Most importantly he wanted to see her. To hold her. It had been four weeks, three days, two hours, fourteen minutes and...he checked his watch 6 seconds since he had last seen her in person. Felt her life-force. Listened to her breathe, heard her heartbeat, seen her smile and was lost in the hazel green of her eyes. He didn't know if he could go another day without being in her presence.

"So, um, how are things. How's Connor?" she asked. She didn't think she'd be this nervous. "How are you?"

"Things are going as expected. Connor's right here missing you as much as I do. And I'm better now that I'm speaking to you."

For a moment Angel thought that he had come on too strong. She didn't respond for several seconds.

Buffy thought her breath would never leave her lungs. He'd missed her! It's what she had been wanting to hear wasn't it. She also realized it wasn't enough. Angel was going to have to learn to treat her like an adult, respect her enough to allow her to make decisions for herself and respect the decisions she made even if he didn't agree with them.

Buffy let out a long sigh and decided to go for the blunt approach, "We need to talk about where we go from here. How do we rebuild the lost trust? How do we make it work as man and woman? As a family with me, you, Dawn and Connor. I know I told you I need to find myself," she broke off and gave a nervous little laugh. "Turns out I wasn't lost. I’ve been here all along. A little lost, confused and a little bruised, but I know who and what I am and where I want to go, who I want to spend the rest of my life with," she finished softly.

"Then I only have two questions. When you looked deeply inside yourself did you like what you learned about yourself and who-do-you-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-your-life-with?" Angel asked her hoping that she had finally found the contentment with herself and her life that she had been seeking and her search had led her back to him. 

Buffy titled her head to the side thinking. On the other end Angel was visualizing Buffy doing just that. In what he called her *deep contemplation mode.*

Finally Buffy answered, "Yeah, I did. I like who I am and where I am going. I can improve, of course, we all can, but basically, yeah I like what I learned about myself." She paused and smiled, "I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband. *With you.*"

Angel let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear that." She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. For once Angel thought the PTB's were on his side.

Neither said anything for a while both letting the companionable silence drift between them. Angel decided to let Buffy break the silence. He settled back in the office chair and kicked his feet on top of the desk. Content to listen to her breathe. 

"So, we're married aren't we.......I mean in the ways of your people......before you know......um, before you were changed?" She looked down at the ring she had not taken off her fingers since he placed it there months ago in LA.

Angel smiled and looked down at the twin to Buffy's ring. He gently fingered the simple silver Claddagh ring. "We are married in the *old ways,*" he confirmed. "It's called Hand fasting. We both placed the Claddagh rings on our fingers. Pledged our love to each other and consummated that love. It's as permanent and valid as any church or civil wedding ceremony. If you want a traditional ceremony we can do that."

Buffy was shaking her head although Angel couldn't see it. Buffy made her decision in a split second. "I'd like that. Maybe not so traditional though. We don't need a minister. Just Dawn, Connor, Giles and the rest of our family there to share in our happiness. Stand beside us and witness us renewing our vows. I'd like to get married on the beach. The moon reflecting across the waters. I know the perfect place. I had this dream one night. You and I were on the beach. I asked you if you'd stay with me. You told me you'd stay with me *forever.* That's the whole point.* I'm holding you to that." She paused and let out a soft sigh. "We need to talk. In person, face to face."

That's was all Angel needed to hear. The scrolls and Holtz could wait. There wasn't a damn prophecy on this earth more important than reuniting with his wife, his soul mate, his beloved. He decided there was no time like the present. 

"I can be there in three hours," Angel said. "I'll bring Connor. He misses you."

He knew he was using unfair tactics but he was a desperate man, okay vampire and he needed all the leverage he could get. 

"I miss him too. By the way where is my little man?"

Angel smiled looking over at the sleeping Connor. "He tired himself out. I laid him down a few minutes ago and he's already asleep. I'll get a few things together and I'll head out now."

"Will it be safe? I mean the sun will be up in a few hours. You don't need to be stopped or hauled in for speeding by the CHP. A CHP asking you to step out of the car in the daytime...wouldn't be good for your health," she tried to mask her concern with a teasing note.

"I have enough time to make it without speeding if I leave now. The question is: Do you want me to come?" 

Although it wasn't necessary Angel was holding his breath as he waited Buffy's answer.

"You don't have to climb the tree with Connor tonight, although I know how much he loves it," she teased. "I'll be downstairs waiting to let you through the front door. Drive carefully." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy - Sunnydale

I quickly replaced the telephone on the base before I could chide myself into practicing a little more self control. I looked down at the telephone for a few seconds as if it contained the answers to all the questions and *what ifs* floating through my mind. It held no answers. I was on my own this time. I'd have to lay down the ground rules if there was a such thing in *love* and play it by ear. The only thing I knew was that anything I needed to do mentally, emotionally and physically I could do just as well with Angel in my life as with him out of my life. I wanted Angel in my life. I wanted to share every aspect of my life with him. Good, bad, happy, sad, achievements, failures, anger, laughter, tears, fears, despair, ecstasy, love, hope, faith. Life and Death. 

Last week I was going through a box of some of my mother's things that hadn't been ruined by the flood in the basement. I found her wedding dress carefully stored. It was in perfect condition. It was such a beautiful dress. It was A line ivory colored gown with a portrait neckline and fitted point sleeves. The gown was covered in delicate floral design lace. There was no train or veil. I looked at my parents pictures again. There was no train with the dress and Mom had worn a band of flowers around her head. 

I tried the gown on. It wasn't a perfect fit but with a few alterations it would fit. I made up my mind at that moment to take it to Sunnydale Cleaners and have it cleaned and altered. I *knew* that I'd soon need it. I didn't know how I knew I just *knew.* I folded the dress and set it aside to take to the cleaners the next morning.

My parents wedding album was also in the box. The wedding program for their wedding was on the last page of the wedding album. On the back of the program was a passage about love. It was titled the Greatest Gift. 

The Greatest Gift

Love is long suffering and kind;

Well when it came to long and suffering Angel and I had done plenty of that.

Love is not jealous; or conceited or proud;

Love does not behave indecently;

We've had to learn to let go of jealous feelings each had about Cordelia and Spike. To realize that when we were together no one would ever tear us apart. That we *only had eyes for each other.* Realize that the past was just that - the past. Pride, jealously and conceit had no place in our relationship.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs;

We had both forgiven each other countless times for pains, heartaches and hurts we've caused to each other.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things,

Love never fails.

This is where we were now. This is what we had to work on. I loved Angel and Angel loved me. Together we would make this work. I had to make sure he understood this was a joint effort not one of his macho *protect Buffy at all cost* solo acts. If we were gong to make it we had to do it together. Love never fails.

And now abide faith, hope, love these three;

but the greatest of the these is Love.

And if the greatest was love then Angel and I couldn't fail. We could face any and everything. Our problems had never stemmed from lack or love.

I thought about that passage all night. I thought about my parents, their love for each other in the beginning. I wondered where did my parents love go wrong. When did it first start disintegrating. What was the catalyst that ended the love between them. It was just so sad looking at the wedding pictures of my parents not much older than I was now smiling obviously so much in love. It had ended badly. I don't want that to be what happened to my relationship with Angel. *Forever that's the whole point.* Isn't that what I should concentrate on? 

It wasn't the good times that forged the strength of my relationship with Angel. It was surviving and helping each other through the bad times that strengthened our love. How did that passage read: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails. I was determined that this last rough patch would only strengthen our already amazing love.

I thought about my feelings for the men in I've had an intimate relationship with. After Angel had left me, I thought Parker would make me feel loved. I was still so raw and hurt from Angel's desertion. Instead Parker made me feel used and stupid. The truth was I'd never felt anything close to love for him. 

I thought that Riley was the one man that could give me all I needed. He could love me, share all aspects of my life, walk in the light with me, plus Mom loved him. He was the normal boyfriend she wanted me to have. He should have been the perfect man. There was only one problem. I loved him, but I wasn't *in love* with him. He didn't make me tingle just by being around him. The thought of him holding my hand didn't send a delicious thrill through my body. The truth was with all the sex I had with Riley never once had I made love to him. I couldn't. I was never *in love* with him.

I didn't have to be a genius to figure out my feelings for Spike. He had been there for me and my family when Angel hadn't. He was the closes thing to Angel I'd ever find. Instead of a soul he had a chip. I'd always felt a mixture of confusion, gratitude, lust maybe I even cared about him a little. Just a little. I never cared enough about him to have sex with him. I fucked Spike or was fucked by Spike. Pure and Simple. I never loved him and I never could or would.

The most important thing about the men I had been intimate with was that I didn't trust any of them. At least not with my life. The only men I'd ever had that kind of trust in were Giles, Xander and Angel. And of those three I trusted Angel the most.

Every time I thought about the 4 men that I'd known intimately and the two I'd professed to love I came to a quick realization. I tried to find something of myself in all of them and failed miserably because I was looking in the wrong place. I shouldn't have looked for validation of myself in a man. I should have looked for it in myself. Now that I had Angel and I could have an adult relationship. 

Angel had treated me like a child because I had allowed it. And on a unconscious level I had wanted it. I wanted someone to take the pressures away. No more. I was a strong, mature woman. Angel was my husband. Together we had a teenager who depended on us and an infant who needed two parents. I was finally ready to be an adult. To be a wife, and not only a big sister but a guardian and a mother.

I looked down at my clothes. Well if I was going to have a face to face talk with Angel I wanted to be dressed right for the talk. I jumped off the bed and headed for the closet. Thoughts of what I needed to wear already racing through my head. I needed something that was *casual, and didn't look like I spent a lot of time putting it together.* I only hoped that I could come up with that kind of outfit in three hours.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Angel - LA

I was still in shock. Buffy had told me she wanted to talk. Not just over the telephone but face to face. And she accepted my offer to come see her this morning. I looked down at the sleeping form in the bassinet beside the desk. I smiled. It was time I got my family back together. I scribbled a note to Wesley and the rest of the team on the desk pad to tell them where I was going. I lifted a sleeping Connor out of the bassinet and headed upstairs. I had to pack for me and Connor quickly. I didn't have a lot of time before the sun came up and I didn't want to risk speeding. 

I hoped I could convince Buffy that I saw her as an adult. My wife, my equal. I also saw her as the woman I loved more than my life or my soul. I would do anything to protect her. To keep her safe. That was just the way I was. It was just how much I loved her. I couldn't lie to her. I would never stop putting her interest before my own. I would however respect her right to make her own decisions, to be a part of the decision making process in our relationship. On the other hand I would still do what was necessary to keep her safe. If I did anything less I would never be able to live with myself. What man, in my case vampire, that loved a woman more than life would not do all that was necessary to protect that life? I hoped that she would be able to accept that.

Buffy and Angel - Together Again 

It had taken almost the entire 3 hours to finally come up with what she was wearing. She decided on a pair of mint green stretch Capri pants and a matching top. She thought that the color brought out the green in her eyes. 

The top barely skimmed the waistband of the pants. She put on a pair of low heeled multi-colored cotton slides. The colorful band covered her insteps. The colors were in a criss cross pattern of mint green, hot pink and yellow. She'd taken time to paint her fingernails and toenails the same pink that was in the shoes. She looked casual and comfortable. No fuss. Like she was getting read to go to bed. Not go to bed to have sex she assured herself, but go to bed to relax and sleep. 

Her hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail. Tendrils of hair were escaping the ponytail holder and falling around her face and neck. She'd dabbed on a little pink lipstick and patted it down. She checked her reflection in the mirror several times before heading downstairs to wait on Angel and Connor. She had to admit her cheeks were rosy, her skin seemed to glow and there was a sparkle in her eyes that she hadn't seen since......well since the last time she had seen Angel.

Buffy sat on the sofa, cut on the TV and tucked her legs under her as she watched the Classic Movie Channel. She tried to settle down and wait for Angel. She'd checked the window every few minutes for the last.....she looked at the clock on the wall.....34 minutes. Angel should have been here by now. She didn't understand what was taking him so long. She was getting a little concerned. She called his cellular telephone twice and no answer.

Just as she was thinking about scribbling a note to Willow and Dawn and driving towards LA to see if she could find Angel she opened the door to see his long black car pulling in the driveway behind her Jeep. She ran out to the car to meet him. 

Angel pulled in the drive way as Buffy opened the door. She ran down the stairs straight towards the car. He didn't even think. He was out the door, opening his arms and reaching for her in one movement. Her compact body hit his with a thud and all the lonely, torturous weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds and moments seemed to melt away.

Buffy stretched up and gave Angel a deep kiss. Her tongue entered his mouth and mated hungrily with his. She needed to feel him wanted to feel his coolness pressed against her body. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other. His arms wound around her waist and lifted her off the ground. Her small feet dangle in the air. One of her shoes slipped from her feet and hit the pavement with a soft thud. Neither seemed to notice.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Angel's neck. She strained closer to his body. One of his hands stayed securely around her waist anchoring her to his body and his other hand travel down her back over her hips cupped her butt and pulled her closer to his growing hardness. 

The kiss was non stop and consuming. Buffy was beginning to feel a little light headed from lack of air. She couldn't breath, but she didn't care. She didn't want to break this kiss. It was everything she needed, gentle, coaxing, demanding raw, passionate, sensual. After the separation from him she couldn't get enough of being close to him. And this time she knew.......she knew it was going to work. She knew who she was what she wanted and what she needed. 

Their kisses to each other were potent. Buffy was finally forced to stop sucking and entwining her tongue with Angel's. To gently release Angel' s so she could take a deep breath of air. They looked into each other eyes as she inhaled gulps of needed air. The love and devotion they felt for each other there to see.

In the few seconds it had taken her to run to the car his starving eyes, mind body and senses had taken all of her in. Her flushed glowing skin. Her bright green eyes glowing with welcome, love, devotion. The way the tight little green pants and top hugged her sexy ripe figure. If possible he thought that her breast were fuller, her waist smaller, her hips more provocatively flared and her *ass*...... that delectable softly rounded ass that those pants were hugging. He'd briefly wondered if she was wearing panties. He couldn't detect a visible panty line and he had excellent vision. Then his mouth watered as he thought that she probably had on a pair of those minuscule little tong things she loved to wear. The silk and lace bits of nothing that drove him partially insane just thinking about the places they touched. Covering places he wanted to cover with his lips, tongue mouth, body. 

"I'll never let you go again," Angel promised. "If you ever need to find yourself again you'll just have to look while I'm there with you."

Buffy's tinkling laughter filled the air around them. "I'll remember that big guy," she teased. She pulled away from him. She wanted to get this out of the way. She didn't want to drag out what was not that much to say. , "Angel I only need three things from you. One," she held up one finger counting off, "treat me like an adult. I need that so I can raise Dawn and *our* son. If they don't see you taking me seriously they won't. I know it's been a long time coming but I'm ready to stand on my own and I need you to let me. 

Two," she held up two fingers, "I know I'm going to make some mistakes along the way," she smiled up at him and cupped his cheek in her hand, "and when I do I know you'll be there to help me through it and I'll graciously accept that help as long as it's *help.* I don't need *you* to *fix* the problem, just be there to *support* me as I handle the problem. 

"Three," she held up three fingers, "I know you won't stop trying to protect me. I understand that. It's no more than I'd do for you, Dawn and Connor. I can live with you trying to protect me from harm and the more I think of it that's what makes me love you so much. The sacrifices I know you make everyday without thought for your own safety for those you love. Buffy you have to realize that I'm as strong as you are. I can protect myself and even you if I have to. We will protect out family and each other . 'kay? Because I have learned one thing Angel you are the vampire, I love above all else. 

She knew that if Angel could he'd blush a bright red. For a man who did so much for others he was still not used to being praised for all his selfless acts. She decided at that moment that she would praise him everyday for his efforts to help the helpless. She knew that he did these things to seek redemption but in her eyes he was not the one who needed redemption. He never was. The demon Angelus needed redemption and he would never willing seek it. That was okay she'd lift Angel up mentally, emotionally and spiritually every day.

With that settle in her mind she continued. "I'm more confident in who I am now and what my purpose in life is, and who and what is important in my life. You, Dawn, Connor my family and friends. I know who Buffy is and Buffy-needs-you. And you need me. Dawn, Connor, our family and friends need us. And we are going to be their for each other. Forever." 

With that said she laid her head in the crook of his neck and kissed it. She was content now. She'd said everything that she felt was important. Now she and Angel just had to get on with the living of every day life.

"I told myself on the way here that I'd do what was necessary to get you back. I know you are an adult Buffy. The sacrifices you've made since your Mother's died, taking care of Dawn and Willow and still fulfilling your destiny has proved that. And I promise to remember that . Buffy I don't want to wait any longer. Let's say our vows in front of our family and friends as soon as possible."

Buffy loosened her arms and leaned back to look up at him. His face was so serious and intense. She could tell this was very important to him.

"Okay, Angel. We'll do it whenever you want."

"There's no need to wait. Let's do it tonight. I'll call Cordy and they can all drive up here this evening. You can get everyone here together can't you?

Buffy thought for a minute. She knew she could do it. This was happening faster than she expected. Then she thought about it and no it wasn't. She'd loved Angel since she was 16 years old. She was already his wife. Tonight would only be renewing their vows of commitment and love in front of their friends. She was sad for a moment Giles wasn't there. The man who was like a father to her would not be there to witness her moment of happiness. Finally she and Angel were going to affirm their commitment to each other spiritually, mentally and emotionally in front of their family and friends and Giles would not be there.

Buffy wasn't aware of how her face had clouded with her sadness, her eyes had taken on a watery sheen. Angel sensed her despair and it only took him a few minutes to realize the cause of her sadness. He pulled her tighter in his arms and stroked her back offering her the comfort of his embrace. 

"We can call him while we are on the beach so he can be present with us. He is important to both of us. And I know how much he means to you." 

Angel made plans to call Giles in a few hours and finally do things right. He would ask Giles for Buffy's hand in marriage. It's what he should have done when she was 17 years old. He would make up for the oversight today. This time he wanted to do everything right. That meant calling in some favors and getting Buffy a diamond ring to go with the Claddagh. 

"Thank you. It wouldn't seem right without him being their to acknowledge our commitment. I'll call him in a little bit and tell him about it so he'll be ready this evening. We have a lot of planning if we want to do this tonight," Buffy said.

"Let me call him first. Whatever has to be done, we'll do it," he said firmly. He placed a kiss on top of her blonde head and pulled her closer to him. They stood like that for awhile neither wanting to break contact with the other. It had been too long since they had felt each other. Their body and senses tingled from the nearness.

It was Buffy who got enough strength to step out of Angel's embrace. He gently kissed her tear stained eyes. And they just stood looking at each other. Drinking in the sight of each other. Communicating their love with a soft caress of hands, a sigh and gentle look. Buffy finally tore her eyes await from her beloved. She looked over in the car and saw Connor fast asleep in his car seat. His head leaning against the side of the seat. Her heart swelled with love. She knew that it was going to be okay. She had her men back. 

"Let's get our son in the house," she told him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Once they entered the bedroom they settled Connor in the bed, made sure the windows were blocked against the light of the dawn that was fast approaching. Buffy suggested they get some sleep and talk later in the morning when they were both well rested. They had a lot of arrangements to make before tonight. 

For the time being sleep was the most important thing that they needed to do. After much argument Buffy finally persuaded Angel to strip down so they could all get some sleep. Finally and reluctantly he had. 

Buffy pulled out an old Sunnydale High School t-shirt stood behind the door and quickly stripped and pulled the t-shirt on. The t-shirt hung down past her knees and was large and baggy. It was the least sexy sleep attire that she owned. Angel watched as Buffy stepped from behind the door wearing the thin cotton t-shirt with the light shining behind her the t-shirt was almost sheer he could she every delectable outline of her body. She was a little thin but it didn't distract from her mouth watering physical shape. 

Angel had to turn his head away from Buffy and tried to calm down the ragging hard on that was poking against the front of his pants. He knew they had agreed to wait until after tonight's ceremony to consummate their relationship. It had been Buffy's idea. If that's what she wanted he'd give it to her. She could have asked him to wait for ten years and he would have agreed. It didn't mean he wouldn't have tried to weaken her resolve but if he had to he'd wait an eternity to make love to Buffy.

Buffy watched Angel shrug off his long cashmere black coat and hang it on the hook on the back of her bedroom door. He'd slowly unbuttoned his shirt. As he slipped each button out of the button hole of his black silk shirt Buffy felt her mouth get drier and drier. Anticipating seeing his large toned muscular body reveled to her. 

As Buffy watched him disrobe she didn't know if it waiting until after the ceremony tonight to make love had been a good idea. They had talked about it and they had both agreed to it, but a partially naked Angel was going to make that a little difficult. 

He seemed to move torturously slow but finally his shirt and his black jeans were folded over the chair to her vanity table. His boots were sitting on the floor next to the chair. He slowly began to approach Buffy. She was sitting on the bed her ass resting against the heels of her feet. She knew what Angel wanted she could see the love, devotions, desire and longing in his eyes. She watched as his long legged stride, muscles rippling brought him in front of her. 

Angel had noticed Buffy staring at him as he took off his clothes. The love and desire she felt for him shinning in her bright hazel green eyes. She followed his every move with her eyes. He'd smelled her slight arousal when he'd gotten to the third button of his shirt. It had floated to him and it had taken all the control he learned in his two hundred and forty plus years to keep from jumping on her delectable tiny form. He knew she had to see his erection. He had it since she'd jumped in his arms at the car and pressed her sexy little compact body against his. He'd been in a semi- to a full erect state since then.

Buffy remembered briefly thinking what could making love this morning hurt. They were already married. Tonight was just a renewal of their vows in front of their friends. There was really no need to wait. They'd made love countless times. It wasn't as if they were virgins. She made up her mind to make love with Angel this morning....it wouldn't hurt.

Angel could see the look of desire in Buffy's eyes and he knew she'd decided to make love with him. He leaned down to brush his lips against hers. Before Buffy could even lean up to kiss him Connor started whining. 

Another louder wail broke Angel's sensual concentration. Angel couldn't believe Connor's timing. He was going to definitely have a talk with their son about his timing. 

Buffy wasn't asleep, but they were. Her guys. Her big guy and her little guy. She and Connor were both lying across Angel's chest. Well she more so than Connor. Connor was actually lying in the center of Angel's chest in his usual spot right under Angel's chin. Buffy was hugged against Angel's side her head on his chest her arm thrown across his chest with her hand lightly covering his hand that was on Connor's back, her leg thrown over his hips. She smiled as she thought about them together. They were going to have a long life together. A good life. Ups and Downs, arguments, disagreements, laughter, love, sometimes grief and despair, but most importantly they'd have their love and mutual respect for each other. They were going to make it. *Love never fails.*

She knew they needed to talk and when they woke up they would. For now Buffy's eyes drifted close and she let out a sigh of contentment. She hadn't realized she done it. Angel did. He knew she was awake. He was awake too. Just the joy of having her in his arms made his dead heart swell. He felt her as she drifted to sleep. Angel slowly drifted to sleep holding in his arms the two miracles he'd never thought he'd ever have and thankful that he had them both.

Riley - I'm back

The military air craft was making it's final approach to the landing base near Sunnydale. It would take another 45 minute car ride to get there. Riley was looking forward to his return to Sunnydale. He wanted to see the look on Buffy's face when she found out that he was *happily* married to a *beautiful* woman. Okay, he admitted to himself. Sam wasn't beautiful but she was a very attractive woman. She was strong, intelligent, secure, stable. Qualities he could not associate with Buffy.

The demon heading to Sunnydale came at the perfect time. It gave him a reason to return to Sunnydale. He'd capture the demon, destroy the demon's eggs, kill this smuggler named *The Doctor* save Sunnydale, leave Buffy heartbroken as he and Sam were lifted away into the night by helicopter. He'd leave Sunnydale in a blaze of heroic glory.

Riley smiled just envisioning the glory that was about to occur. He knew through the grapevine that Buffy and Angel were no longer together. That Spike and Xander had exposed Angel's lies and duplicity to Buffy. She had broken off their relationship. Hell he could have told Buffy the cold, dead vampire was no good. She just refused to listen. He still couldn't understand why Buffy had chosen a life with a vampire and his aberration of a son over a life with him. A life where they could have shared the day and night. A life where he could have given her children. Grown old with her. It didn't matter now he told himself. She made her choice now she would have to live with the consequences. Buffy had chosen Angel and Angel had hurt her *again.* She was now alone. *It was what she deserved for the choice she'd made,* Riley thought vindictively. 

Riley looked over at the tall striking brunette he'd married only a short time ago. He'd told Sam about Buffy before he'd left and came back state side. When things didn't work out between he and Buffy he gone back over seas and Sam was there. They'd renewed their relationship and gotten married. It happened quickly. 

Sam was the cure to his broken heart. She was like a balm to his bruised and battered heart, soul and ego. She lifted him spiritually, mentally, emotionally. She made him feel like to most desired man in the world. *He realized he loved Sam because she worshipped him. Because she was in love with him.* That was what he needed. It took time but he realized that's what was wrong with his relationship with Buffy. Buffy loved him, but she wasn't in love with him. She didn't need him or worship. That was what he needed in a woman and Buffy couldn't give him that and he couldn't be happy in a relationship without it. 

Sam smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Riley smiled back enjoying the love and adoration shining from her eyes for *him.* Sam was nothing like Buffy. He was glad of that. He wanted to be as far away from any image that would remind him of Buffy. As far away from a petite, green-eyed, strong willed beautiful blonde as he could get. 

Sam wasn't beautiful like Buffy but she shared his career and personal interest. She was tall, lithe, intelligent and most importantly she loved only him. He didn't have to be insecure with her. In their relationship he was the strongest. He held the highest title. She was the subordinate in their careers. At home she allowed him to *wear the pants.* She leaned on him for support. But most importantly there was no man in her past that over shadowed their relationship. In their relationship he was *number one.* 

Sam leaned across her seat and kissed him. 

"Did I ever tell you, I love you, handsome?" she teased seductively her hand lightly tracing over his thighs. 

She glanced around at the other 4 passengers dressed like she and Riley in black combat gear. She made sure they weren't looking. They were all sleeping.

"Yes, you did. And I love you." he replied his chest puffing out. He covered her wondering hand with his giving it an affectionate squeeze. "As soon as they land this thing and we find a quiet little spot maybe we can express that love in a more physical manner," he responded seductively.

"I'll hold you to that soldier," she cooed in his ear her tongue darting out to trace the outline of his ear. 

Riley moaned. Another thing Sam definitely thought that he was number one in the sex department. Life couldn't get any better. If possible Riley's chest puffed out more.

Spike - The Doctor

He couldn't believe this. He watched as Buffy climbed in her window to answer the telephone. He waited for a few minutes and when she didn't appear back on the roof he thought that she had decided to call it a night to go to sleep.

He disappeared from his vigil at Buffy's to go and get a little something to drink. He'd only been at Willie's for maybe two or three hours. Before heading home he decided to just stop by the Slayer's house to see if she'd stepped back out. What he found almost made him hurl.

The Slayer and The Big Poof were lip locked in an embraced. How the hell had that happened?! When he left the Slayer she was all brooding and pouting and now she was kissing the Big Poof and pressing and straining her body against his. Spike could smell the scent of their arousal floating to him on the night air. The night air was filled with it. Thick, heavy and fragrant. He almost lost his dinner, liquor and snack.

He put two and two together. It was the Big Poof calling Buffy tonight. He didn't waste any time, Spike thought. He must have been on his way here within minutes after he had called Buffy.

He looked at them lost in each other. Neither of them even aware of his presence. She was the Slayer and he was a Master Vampire. They should have smelled and felt him coming. They were so wrapped up in each other that they hadn't noticed him. He wasn't stupid enough to attack them. He knew that no matter how wrapped up in each other they were as soon as he started approaching they would sense the danger before he posed any significant threat to them.

He listened to them discussing *a renewal of vows* in front of their friends and almost gagged. He stumbled away from Buffy's house when she and Angel grabbed his git and went inside.

Spike slammed the door to his crypt and stomped inside. He went down to the underground chamber of his crypt. No one ever came down this far. Not even the Slayer. He counted the eggs again. He couldn't wait for them to hatch. He had already been in contact with numerous overseas countries negotiating a sale of the hatchlings. 

One demon alone could be a powerful army. Plus you didn't have to worry about paying these things. Just killing and eating their human kill would be all the payment these little *rascals* would want. 

From what Spike knew of their species they were a little hard to control. He shrugged nonchalantly that was not his problem. He'd hatch them, sell them. Once they were sold it was not his responsibility if they ate their would be masters.

Then his mind wondered to Buffy and Angel's little beach plans. He doubted very seriously if he would be invited to the *ceremony.* Knowing Angel and Buffy they probably wouldn't even deem him important enough to tell about tonight's coming event. If he didn't' get an invite he would just crash the ceremony. That's what they would expect from him anyway, he thought. 

He thought up and ingenious way to ruin their little vow renewal ceremony. He knew the demon was looking for her eggs. She couldn't sense them because he had them hid so far underground. He would follow the Slayer, Angel and their little friends to the spot on the beach they intended on performing their little ceremony. Once they were all gathered he'd announce himself bringing with him a little present for the couple. Only one problem the *present* would be one of the demon eggs. 

*At least he thought I'll make sure to have it wrapped all pretty with shiny paper and a little bow. Give it to Angel or Buffy as a peace offering. With any luck the demon will pick up the scent of her egg and follow it.* Spike smiled one of his sinfully wicked smiles. *Let's see how the Slayer and Angel fend off an angry mother trying to find her child. Perhaps all was not lost,* he thought gleefully.

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