Chapter One ~ Chapter Two ~ Chapter Three ~ Chapter Four ~ Chapter Five ~ Chapter Six ~ Chapter Seven ~ Chapter Eight ~ Chapter Nine
Fresh From The Oven
Written by Akay
/ Buffy's POV /
First I hear he had a guy following me, and then apparently he heard that I was going up against the Immortal. So what does he do? He thinks I can't handle myself and decides to fly over here. Andrew tells him I've moved on, that I'm seeing this new guy, he's really not so bad, it began as my way of keeping an eye on him, making sure that he didn't have some big evil plan against me and the rest of the world.
Funny thing is I actually started liking him, and what does Angel do march on in here with Spike and try to rescue me, did it ever occur to them that I didn't need them to do that for me. Hello Slayer here, don't need anyone's help, so tell me then why is it that when Andrew told me Angel was here to save me, I'd never felt happier.
It's weird I should stay mad that he thinks I cant handle myself, but I'm actually glad that he wants to be my saviour again. Every time I'm in trouble and I need someone he's always there, he just knows. And yeah sure this time he had a guy following me around that told him, but I wasn't in trouble, and if I seriously had of been he would have known off his own instinct.
I hate that it's come to this, that he thinks I'm all baked and ready to be eat- enjoyed, I'm so not, far from it in fact. I'm me Buffy, that's all I know right now. I mean don't get me wrong I know I love Angel, that's a given, always have always will... but I'm just not ready. I'm just having fun living out my youth, going crazy and yeah I flirt a little, but it never comes close to what I had with him.
He's my Angel, he'll always be mine, ours is a forever love. I may have moved on, but that's not without the intention of meeting up with him again when that timer rings and these cookies are fresh from the oven. So no matter what he thinks no ones enjoying cookie dough here.
But I'm still not ready for him yet, I know that and that's why when I was dancing on the floor and I felt him, I disappeared. He can't see me when I'm not ready; he really needs to understand that. I have to be ready before he can see me. So I found out his jet left hours ago, and all I can think is that I didn't want him to go, but why is that when I keep saying I'm not ready, well then why do I want him here?
Sometimes your ready yet you never really realise it, sometimes you think there's so much you haven't done that it stops you from becoming the person you want to be. But in the end its the furthest from the truth, you feel it deep down and it just tells you that sometimes you've spent so much time listening out for that oven timer that you never really heard it ring, and before you know it, your cookies are burnt.
So when I realised it, what did I do, what any girl madly in love would, get on the first flight home, to my Angel.
**********
Sometimes just because you think your ready, it doesn't mean that everything works out the way you want it to. To begin with I walk into this enormous building and a smile crosses my face when I think that Angel runs the place, I'm sure he's doing a great job. There's not really anyone around to stop me from walking straight up to his apartment, they all look so busy and they just don't seem to care, I can tell it must be another apocalypse, God I've missed those... not.
I think about the speech I'd been practicing all the way over on the plane and as I ride up to his apartment in the elevator, I fix my hair and try to stop my hands from shaking. I can't believe I'm going to see him again; I can't wait to see him again.
I wish I could have held onto that feeling a little longer, it was a lot better than what came after that.
Stepping into his apartment with a wide smile on my face, I freeze once I see the bed. “Oh my God.” I whisper tears surging forward. There's Angel in bed naked with someone else.
He heard me, I didn't want him to, I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible “Buffy.” he jumps up off the bed, and wraps the sheets around him. I couldn't move I wanted to run but I couldn't. My mouth is still wide open, so much for the curse, so much for waiting for me. He walks right up to me “Its not wha-”
My fist seems to have a will of its own, as it connects with his eye socket “Are you kidding me, it's exactly what I think.”
“Well what about you and The Immortal.” he said in a mocking tone, regaining his balance.
“What about us, I'm not exactly humping his brains out, like you and that over there.” I said pointing at the girl in his bed.
“Your not?” I can tell it makes him happy to hear that.
“So is this Buffy?” She asks donning a robe and walking up to me.
“Is it really any of your business?” I say stepping around Angel and advancing on her.
“I wouldn't if I were you; I'm a werewolf just so you know.”
“Well than you'd also know that werewolves really do need a full moon for their power to come out.” I can't stand this girl, what is she another Cordelia?
“Try me.” She whispers inches from my face.
“Oh I will.” I spit out.
“Okay that's it.” Angel steps between us, but I push him out of the way, sending him sprawling to the ground meters away. She looks at him and I can tell she now knows my strength.
“So I'm gonna try you now.” And instantly I kick her in the stomach, immediately sending her to the ground, I get down on my knees and hit her a few more times, before I realise I'm wasting my time, this whore isn't even worth it.
I get back up to my feet and turn and run as fast as I can, he keeps calling out to me asking me to wait, but I don't want to be anywhere near him ever again. Why the hell did he come to Italy when he had already moved on? Why on earth would he go on about cookie dough to Andrew when he was screwing someone else?
I should have stayed in Italy, or anywhere that was far away from him.
**********
Swinging the door open, he's standing there “How did you find me?” I realise how stupid a question that was, he does run Wolfram and Hart after all.
“Can we talk about this?”
“Whatever.” I slam the door and walk back into my hotel room; I know he'll be breaking it down any second now.
“One, Two, Three, fou-”
The door flies open, splinters from the hinges hitting the carpet, and Angel steps inside. I'm standing here arms folded across my chest looking up at this vampire in disgust.
“So predictable.” I whisper then turn around and walk over to the bed, where my suitcase and many of my clothes are spread out. I'm not even going to bother folding them; I'm just throwing them in, not caring if it won't close when I'm done. I just need to get out of L.A and away form him.
“Where are you going?” he walks over to the bed.
I look up at him, trying not to smile at the swelling around his eye, he so deserved that “Home.” I state bluntly.
He steps forward gently running his fingers through my hair. “You are home.”
I stare at him for a split second, oh how I wish I never walked in on what I did today, that it had never happened. But it did, so I quickly push his hand away “Don't touch me, when you reek of that wolf.” I yell before zipping up my case as best as I can and marching towards the door.
“Why won't you let me explain?” he follows me.
“Because I don't want to hear it.”
He steps in front of me, blocking me from the broken door that was still partially hanging off its hinges. “Well I'm not letting you out of my sight until I do.”
“Fine.” I drop my suitcase to the floor and he smiles thinking he's getting somewhere. I quickly grip him by the collar and throw him into the wall on the other side of the room. Then walking up to his slumped body I snap “Don't you ever come to Italy, and to my place and go on about me having moved on, and the fact that I had gone back on my word cause I'm still cookie dough. When you 'Mr I have a curse on my soul' are humping the first 'Dog' that barked at you.”
“Buffy it's not like that.”
“Oh its not, what is she your girlfriend?”
Angel doesn't say a word; he just stands there staring at me and I just know, and it feels like I'm being ripped apart. He's not supposed to have a girlfriend, and if he is then it's supposed to be me. Things have changed so much and I just hate it.
“Oh right, well then what the hell are you doing here with me?”
“I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
That is so like Angel wanting to make sure I was okay. Any other time and I would have melted at the words but now, after what I witnessed it means nothing. “Go to hell, and I'll be more than all right.”
“Buffy I don't see why you're so mad at me anyway, you're the one that wanted this time apart in the first place, you wanted to go find yourself.” I never would have thought he could through that in my face. He of all people should know what it feels like, he left me with no promise of ever coming back, but I never did that, I couldn't, I had a heart.
“Yeah and you pretended to wait, I'm sorry that I made you wait so long. I can understand that I wasn't worth it.”
“Are you kidding me Buffy? I would wait forever for you, I love you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
He steps in a little closer and tries to hold me in his arms; does he really think that he's forgiven, and that I want him touching me? Oh he's sadly mistaken. “Touch me one more time and I will break your hands.” I look at them as he releases my shoulders.
“Buffy please don't go back to Italy.”
That's it? That's what's supposed to convince me to stay, well then let me just unpack my clothes and do what ever he says. Yeah right, there is no way I'm sticking around; I'm not going to be anywhere near this loser. “Goodbye Angel.” I walk out of the hotel room pushing the tears that are daring to leave my eyes back in, I hate him, I hate him so much.
Why did he have to find someone else, why couldn't he have just waited? I know it's not fair of me to ask that, but I can't help it. Why tell me that he would wait when it was all a lie.
He obviously couldn't wait, no he had to jump into bed with that thing, who the hell is she anyway? Didn't she say she was a werewolf? Isn't that just wrong werewolves and vampires. I mean come on even slayers and vampires make more sense than that.
“I think of you everyday you know that? I wish that that you were here and we still had what we did.” This guy just doesn't' want to make it easier on me, and if he thinks that a few words are gonna make me change my mind, well than he obviously doesn't know me at all. So tell me then, why do I stop to listen? I can't face him though, because every time I do, I see her.
“Don't think that just because there is someone new in my life that I don't wish it were you.” Oh god I cant listen to this, he's lying, he just wants me to be all happy about the fact that he finally got laid, I can't' stick around for anymore of his crap. I start to walk but his words stop me again.
“I still love you Buffy, and I've never forgotten you, not once. I remember every little detail, the way your lips feel against mine, your smooth bare skin against my own, your scent; it still intoxicates me even when you're not around.”
“Really?” I ask turning my head slightly.
“Yes really.”
“Well then Angel tell me, what colour are my eyes?” And with that I leave not looking back, I know he knows what I'm talking about. It was that girl behind the bar that told me that he asked about me in that club in Italy. I was happy that he had until I heard the description he gave. If he knew me so well that he had me memorised, why wouldn't he know that my eyes are green and not blue like he told the bar attendant. Because he doesn't remember me like he proclaims to.
“This isn't goodbye Buffy.” I hear him yell after me, but truth be told I just don't really care what he thinks; he's moved on and now so will I. When it comes to Angel, well... he doesn't deserve my cookies. Without a backwards glance I leave him and this horrid place, hoping never to return.
Checking out of the hotel I try to keep my tears at bay, why does it hurt so much? It's not like we were together. He tries several more times to stop me and make me listen, but it's the last thing on my mind, because I'm scared, I'm scared I'll give in if I do.
Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing, maybe we could work things out and be together, or maybe I'd have to hear him tell me that even though he loves me he wants that whore, I mean wolf… no actually I mean whore. And if I have to hear that it would just be too much. Even though this way I'll never know, it's better, less heart breaking.
I swear that from the moment I met him I never did anything but love him, and now letting go of that is just so hard. But it's what I have to do; I have to put him behind me. I know that deep down there will always be a part of me that loves him, but I can't let that part take over, not anymore, no the pain of what I saw is what is taking control here.
“I really loved you once, and now... well I guess I always will, but its too late, I'm too late... maybe my cookies weren't the ones you wanted.” I barely got that out, looking at him and wishing things were they way they were when I was sixteen.
“I've only ever wanted your cookies.”
“No you wanted hers.” I turn around letting my tears fall as I push open the glass door that gets me out of the hotel and I realise something, that today is the last day I will ever see him, and although I'm sad, I'm kind of happy too.
This is my fresh start; my past won't be haunting me anymore. Hailing down the first cab I see, I open the door the second it pulls up to the curb and jump in, instructing the driver to take me to the airport.
That's when I see him, standing in the shadows by the hotel doors yelling out to me. It's funny that when It came down to me and Angel, I used to hate the sun, I used to see it as the one thing that ruined our relationship, but this time he did that on his own. Right now I thank God that he can't come any closer... and for once I love the sun, as it's my only escape.
I throw the driver a handful of cash begging him to get me there as soon as possible; I don't want him to stop me from getting on that plane. After racing through the streets of L.A. for what feels like forever, were almost there. As we get a little closer I throw the city of Angels one last glance, and as I do something happens, I'm not to sure of what, but I think we may have hit something. Another car maybe, I'm not so sure but everything starts to fade.
They say that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes, I guess it's kinda true. Funny thing is I came to L.A. focusing on the fact that I was cookies and ready to let Angel back into my life, but there was one thing I never really payed attention to... how much I love him, and yeah I may have told him and thought about it, but mostly I was so focused on how hurt I was seeing him in bed with her, that the love thing wasn't the biggest issue, when really it should have been.
I just walked away from him without giving him the chance to explain himself, and now this is the price. So for me it was either start my new life with Angel or lose my life all together, funny thing is that this, dying, it doesn't hurt like it did when I walked into his room to find him with someone else. I'm dying and still thinking of how much he hurt me, is that even right?
So this is the easy way out, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm taking it. No more fresh starts for me, unless this is it. As my head throbs and the blood seeps down my face, I think of him and whisper his name “Angel.” So I should have let him explain, I should have gone with my heart and given him a chance, because my head it got me killed. Like I said it really is true, when you die, everything makes prefect sense, your whole life really does flash before your eyes. And that's when I realised that Angel was mine.
My eyes flutter closed and in the back of my mind I hear him call my name, he knows I'm leaving, and I smile.
**********
/ Angel's POV /
I keep trying to stop her, I want to explain, I need to explain. I don't want her to leave; I want her here with me. That's the only place I've ever wanted her, I don't like other cookies, her cookies taste better than... I always get lost with that metaphor.
As I watch her get into that cab I curse myself for everything I did to drive her away, she's leaving because I couldn't keep my pants on, she's leaving because I hurt her once again. I love her so much and all I did was move on, thinking that she had too, but now I know, I was wrong and its cost me the only thing I've ever wanted, it's cost me Buffy.
One night with Nina ruined a lifetime of love that Buffy held for me. She speeds away and there's this feeling inside telling me this is it, that I'll never see her again. Then it gets worse, something's happened, I can feel it. I'm losing her and all I can do is scream her name.
“Buffy... ”
Oh God I've felt this feeling before, I have to get out of here, I have to find her. I have to tell her I'm sorry, and that I'll do what ever it takes to make it better. I feel like I might be too late and that the moment has passed and I didn't use it properly. I feel her leaving me and it feels like she's not Buffy anymore.
**********
/ Buffy's POV /
“She's coming to.”
That's all I remember, I woke up with all these things hooked up to me, not knowing where the hell I was, not knowing who the hell I am.
“Relax miss, you've been asleep for a while, just relax.”
That was the next thing they said, and all I could think was who are these people? What are they doing to me? I didn't want to be here, this place freaks me out. They put something in me, I felt it rushing to my head, and it made me sleepy.
But I'm awake again now, and I know where I am, don't ask me anything else though because I won't be able to tell you. There's this girl Dawn, she calls me Buffy, she says she's my sister and that I lost my memory in some kind of an accident three weeks ago.
She says Angel doesn't know I'm here, and I wonder... who is Angel?
Two months had passed since the accident, and in those two months Angel had become a shell of the man he used to be, inside there was no longer anything there, he was completely empty. He heard how the cab Buffy was in hit a fuel tanker and was engulfed in flames on the moment of impact, the only thing he didn't know was that Buffy was the sole survivor, having been thrown from the car from the explosion.
After she left that day his whole life unravelled before him. The final battle began, and because of all the craziness of that day, he found out too late. By the time he knew, she had passed, and by the time he made it to the scene of the accident she had already received her wings. Or so he thought.
He still sat at the scene though, sobbing for his love, wishing he could take back that one moment in time where he had been so stupid as to sleep with Nina, especially considering only days before he went out on a mission to Italy to win back his soul mate.
**********
Buffy on the other hand with Dawn's help had moved into a place near the hospital, so she could continue her rehabilitation sessions. In the last two months she had gained some of her memory back but a few things she couldn't remember, or was it that she wouldn't?
She knew that Dawn was her sister; she even remembered parts of her life. But the funny thing was that they all centered on Dawn, she didn't remember Willow or Xander or anyone else, just Dawn.
And then there was another memory of a day that was blurry according to the blonde, there was a man and they were in love, but his face, she couldn't see it, the memory wasn't clear. Dawn couldn't understand why there were only certain things she remembered and why she didn't remember being the slayer, and Angel.
Her sister thought that maybe she had blocked out everything that hurt her, but that didn't explain Willow and Xander and everyone else, like her mom, but of course there was her mother's death.
The hard thing for Dawn was that she had been instructed not to tell her, Buffy had to remember things on her own.
Then there was Angel, there were so many times in the last two months that Dawn wanted to call him and let him know that Buffy was alive, and that she was just having trouble remembering things.
But she recalled the phone call she received from Buffy after the slayer had found Angel and that girl in bed together, she had never heard her sister so upset, and she knew that Buffy wouldn't want him around, so she didn't call, even though it was killing her keeping this from him.
**********
/ Angel's POV /
I killed her, I killed her, I killed her. She's gone because of me and this stuff doesn't take away that pain. Lorne used to say it would and that I would feel better, but a bottle later and I don't feel a thing. Although I look like shit, I think that that's all this does for you, is make you look like half the man you used to be.
But even without it I know I wouldn't be that much of a man, because she's gone, and without her I'm nothing, my whole fucking existence is nothing. She's dead because I couldn't keep it in my pants. But I have to be strong, I need to carry on and pretend I give a damn about everything that's going on around me, when I don't, and I don't think I ever will.
I lost Buffy, I loved her and I lost her and I'll never forgive myself, everyday I'll think of what it is that I have done and never go back to the way things were.
I would take a stake to my heart but it's a little hard to do that when I'm no longer a vampire. I signed in blood after Buffy left me, I signed and gave it all up when I couldn't feel her and I thought she had left L.A.
I should have listened to that thing inside me that told me something was badly wrong, that told me she was gone. I signed yet I still got my humanity, so once again prophecies are bullshit, if the powers want to play games with your life then they will.
I wish I was still that vampire, then at least I could walk outside and just burn... but that's how Buffy died, she was burnt to death and didn't leave a trace behind... I burnt her, I did it all. I loved her and look what I did. But what hurts most of all, is that before she died, she hated me.
Now there's someone knocking on my door, don't they know I want to be alone, forever? I don't want to talk, I don't want to be apart of this world, what's the point when she's not in it? I don't want to do anything but think of how I killed her.
“Angel.”
What does she want, didn't she get the hint, I haven't called, I haven't given a shit, so why is she here? How did she even find me?
**********
“I like cheese.” she said placing it back in the refrigerator. “Did I used to like cheese?” She asked closing the door and turning to face her sister.
“You don't remember.”
“Maybe, I don't know... Things are kind of a mess up there.” She said tapping her head.
“They won't always be.” Dawn got up off the couch and walked over to her sister “Someday soon you'll remember everything.”
“I know but you could make it a lot sooner.” She said watching her sister as she got herself a drink.
“Buffy I already explained to you why I couldn't do that.” She said walking back over to the couch with a glass of juice in her hand.
“Yeah well try being in my shoes, living with someone who knows your whole life story and is refusing to tell you.”
“It's not that I don't want to, I'm no-”
“Not allowed to, yeah I'm kind of sick of hearing that.” She said cutting her sister off, then grabbing her purse and keys as she walked towards the door.
“Wait, where are you going?” Dawn asked jumping to her feet.
“I just need to be on my own, I'm gonna take a walk.” She said as she slammed the door behind her.
**********
“I thought you said you were leaving.” Angel muttered as he walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel.
Nina had made a deal with him, saying that she would leave like he requested, on the condition that he clean himself up. Angel who was desperate to get rid of her and get back to his self pitying gave in and got straight in the shower, then shaved hoping to walk out into an empty apartment again.
“I changed my mind.” She said walking over to him and running her hands over his bare chest.
Grabbing her hands he pushed her away “I don't know what you have in mind, but there's no way it's about to happen.” He said walking towards his room to get some clothes on.
“Why not?” she asked following him.
“Because what happened between us Nina, was a mistake. Biggest mistake of my life.” He pulled on a pair of boxers, under his towel, not feeling to comfortable being naked around the girl with the way she seemed to be looking at him.
“Angel, I'd understand if your little roman friend Buffy was still alive and you were trying to get her back, but she's not, so there really isn't anything stopping us.” She said walking closer to him, trying to offer her help as he buttoned his shirt.
Pushing her away he snapped “You never talk about her, got that? I don't ever want to hear her name coming out of your mouth, EVER.” He turned his back on her and walked to the closet grabbing a pair of black slacks and pulling them on. Then sitting on the edge of his bed as he finished getting dressed, slipping his socks and boots on.
“You so need to move on.” She spat, angry that he was just blowing her off, after ignoring her for two whole months.
“And you so need to get out.” He said rising to his feet and grabbing a hold of her arm, pulling her out into the living room and towards the door.
She struggled and got her arm free. “I'm not going anywhere.” She demanded arms crossed as she stood in the middle of his apartment.
“Fine.” He said as he grabbed his jacket off the coat rack and threw it on, then on his way out he slammed the door behind him.
He needed to get out of there, yet he didn't feel comfortable being around people, their was only one place left for him to go, he'd go and sit at the place she died, and wish he could turn back time. Every night for the past month he'd done the same thing, once more couldn't hurt.
/ Buffy's POV /
It's hard being me, no one seems to understand where I'm coming from, I don't think that I even do. Was I always like this? So damn emotional, I guess things like that stay with you forever, no matter what your memory does. I wonder though, what was I like, who were the people I knew, was I happy? Was I loved, truly loved, was there someone out there who would have done just about anything to be with me? Or was I such an unstable person that no one wanted me?
I ask myself things like this over and over, yet I don't seem to come up with an answer, there's nothing there, I don't remember anything, but my sister. But I feel that when it comes to her there are some things missing, why did I jump off a tower for her, and why am I still alive, was that just a dream? Things like this drive me crazy, I just want to know, it doesn't make any sense at all.
Then there's my other memory, of chocolate and peanut butter, kitchen tables and beach side kisses, it feels so real, it makes me feel so loved, but his face I can't see it. Is it that I I've blocked him out, did he hurt me or did I hurt him? Why are things so hard? Why can't people just tell me who the hell I am, instead of saying 'give it time, you'll get there' I'm so sick of hearing that.
**********
“It was so hard Buffy, I didn't want to do it, I loved you but I knew I had to walk away, I had to give you the life you deserved... God I was so wrong, and you'll never know but it will always be something I regret.”
Angel sat on the curb only meters away from the spot where Buffy had lost her life. He hated himself more and more each time he came here, it was a reminder, something that showed him just what he had done, but he needed it, because he needed the guilt. That guilt was something he never wanted to put behind him, he wanted to pay for what he had done, and this was how he thought he should do it.
He sat there every night talking to her like she was still alive, and there hanging off his every word. All those years he'd lived before he met her he'd never felt so alone. Now he had nothing, at least then he never knew what he was missing, but now he did, and it was trying to carry on after that, that showed him just how alone he was. This was the only time he felt anything at all. This was the only time he felt her, and strangely for some reason he could really feel her tonight. It was like she was there with him but he just couldn't see her.
**********
Buffy slowly approached the street where the accident had happened, but at the last moment turned around, she couldn't do it, not tonight there was something inside telling her that it wasn't right. Nearly everyday she stopped by there, thinking it might help with getting her memory back, but it never worked. And tonight for some reason, she couldn't do it. There was something there, something she had a feeling she didn't want to find. That tingling sensation sweeping through her was something she swore she'd felt before, like the one she had that day on the beach, where the mystery man had kissed her.
She turned again, maybe there were answers there for her that she had never found, maybe he was there waiting for her.
*********
Dawn was worried about her, she had an idea of where she had gone and she couldn't leave her out there alone. Sure she was the slayer but she didn't remember that, anything could happen to her, anyone could hurt her. She knew she had to find her sister.
**********
Angel felt it instantly, it was so familiar one of the best feelings he'd ever felt. It was Buffy, it was like she was there and it just made everything worse. There was no way, he knew she wasn't alive, he knew that he had killed her. And even though he came here every night in a hope to get closer to her, when it actually happened and he felt that pang he couldn't bare it, he had to leave.
Buffy stood over the other side of the road, staring at that one spot that had changed her life forever, she couldn't even remember what happened that day, she was told she was in an accident and that no one else had survived but that was it, there was nothing else she could remember.
She wondered who she was in the car with, was it the man from her memory, did he die or was it someone else. She figured that it was him, there was no other answer but that, because if he was alive then why wasn't he there with her, she knew that from her memory alone he loved her, and she knew that no matter what he wouldn't leave her.
Even though parts of her memory made no sense, like talks about vampires and oracles and her telling him she'd never forget, she just knew that things didn't end there, that there was more that she desperately wished she could remember.
**********
Angel knew he couldn't do it anymore, there was no way he could keep coming here, it was slowly killing him, and even though he wanted to die just to be with her, he couldn't go out that way, she wouldn't have wanted to see him die a coward, turning around to look at the place one last time before never coming back, he was startled to find her standing on the other side of the road, he couldn't believe it, she was a striking resemblance of his lost love, and she just stood there looking at the road, with a blank look on her face.
“Buffy.” he whispered, but it couldn't be, how could she be standing there when she died, was it just her spirit, telling him to move on, or was his love really there?
She looked up feeling his stare from the other side of the road, they held each others gaze for a moment, and neither moved, until suddenly Buffy looked away and turned walking away from him. She had no idea who the stranger was, the way he was looking at her it seemed so familiar. But a lot of things seemed familiar to her recently, she just couldn't understand why.
He couldn't move at first he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was right, or was this just another dream; any minute now he'd wake to find her gone and a nasty hangover in place, it was what usually happened when he passed out after drinking him self stupid. But it wasn't a dream, he was really there and so was she, and she was walking away, he had to follow.
Dodging traffic he made it to the other side of the road “Buffy.” he called again.
**********
“Buffy.” Dawn yelled as she ran towards her sister, she didn't like the idea of her sister being out here at night, she didn't know who she was exactly and she probably couldn't face a vampire if she tried, Dawn couldn't leave her out here alone, that's why she had followed her the moment she walked out of the apartment.
**********
He couldn't see her anymore, whoever she was, he thought that maybe it was her spirit here to take him, take him up there away from this hell he was living in, he had to go to her. Even if it did make him a coward, he couldn't be without her it was just too hard.
Each street he turned down after that she wasn't there, he felt like he was in fact chasing a ghost for no reason at all. He realized he was hanging onto her memory and that this was crazy.
He'd go home pack his things and get as far away from this city as possible, he didn't know if it would help, every place would still remind him of her, she was forever a part of him, running wouldn't change that, but he had to try.
**********
“Dawn the purpose of me taking a walk, was so I could be alone.” She said walking back to her apartment with her sister.
“Yeah but not at night Buffy, L.A. is freaky at night.”
“Fine.” She muttered.
“Look Buffy, I know your mad at me and you have every right to be, I would be too, but... I'm doing what your doctor thinks is best for you, I'm sorry.” She whispered, all she wanted to do was tell her sister everything she knew about her life, about Willow, Xander, Giles, Joyce and Angel. But it wasn't the best thing for her; she had to remember it all on her own. But if she didn't remember soon, Dawn wasn't sure if she could keep it from her forever.
“It's okay Dawn, I don't blame you its just frustrating.” She said when suddenly a tall figure bumped right into her.
**********
Cutting through a few alley ways he took the quickest way home he could think of, since he saw her or her spirit whatever it was, he couldn't stand the idea of sticking around. Strange that he found himself going to see the place where she had died for a way of getting close to her, but when it actually happened it made him run.
His head solely focused on each step he took he didn't even see her coming until he bumped right into her, almost knocking her to the ground.
“I'm sorry.” He quickly muttered before continuing on his way.
“It's okay.” She said regaining her balance.
He stopped in his tracks the moment he heard her voice, spinning around to see her smiling at him before being led away by Dawn.
“Come on Buffy, we need to get home.” She said yanking her sister by the arm; clearly seeing who it was they had bumped into. She couldn't let it happen, she couldn't let Angel back into Buffy's life, he couldn't hurt her anymore.
She kept looking at the tall dark stranger the one that she had seen only minutes ago standing near the spot where she had been in the accident, he was breathtaking, the type of guy that memory or not she just knew was her type. Smiling at him as Dawn pulled her away Buffy couldn't take her eyes off him.
He still couldn't believe his eyes, she wasn't just a ghost, she was real, she was Buffy, he hadn't killed her after all she was alive and for a moment all he could do was look at her smiling face and let the tears stream down his face.
As they slowly disappeared out of sight Angel started chasing after them, there was no way she was getting away this time, there was no way he was going to lose her again.
It was Buffy, really Buffy, there was no mistaking it this time, and if he was about to second guess what he saw then how would he explain Dawn? Come to think of it, what the hell was going on? Buffy was alive and in L.A and Dawn knew. Why hadn't she called him? Why did she let Angel think that she was dead for so long? They were just a few of the thousands of questions Angel needed answers for.
He noticed that the youngest of the Summer's girls kept looking over her shoulder, to see if he were following them. So Angel stayed back and kept to the shadows. He would follow them all the way to their destination, before approaching her.
A smile crossed his face when Buffy turned and spotted him. She smiled as Dawn kept a hold of her arm leading her home. Maybe everything was okay now, maybe she had forgiven him for what he had done with Nina, and maybe just maybe she wanted him back.
He knew that there was a slim chance of that being the case, but the fact that she was still in L.A and she hadn't returned to Rome like she said she would the last time he saw her, that gave him a little hope.
But mostly Angel just couldn't believe she was alive, and as much as it upset him that that little detail had been kept from him, nothing could have made him happier.
So he'd spent the last month of his life a worthless drunk, mourning her every waking hour and having nightmares of how he killed her when he slept. Seeing her right now made up for all that.
He followed them until he came to a small apartment block, staying out of sight he watched as they walked through the large wooden door. Suddenly he made a run for it and held his hand out stopping the door from closing. Pushing it open he walked inside and was met by Dawn waiting at the bottom of a staircase, Buffy was nowhere in sight.
He approached her slowly then paused when he was only a few feet away. Dawn stood there arms folded across her chest, looking him up and down before returning her gaze back to his face.
She was so mad at him; she couldn't even stand being in the same room as he. Everything about him made her sick, which was a change from how she felt about him years ago. Back then Dawn would sigh each time the vampire walked past her, and laugh at his jokes even when they weren't funny, but now she hated him with a passion.
“You didn't tell me she was alive.” It came out a whisper, almost as though Angel was afraid of the young Summer's girl.
“No… I wanted to, but what you did to her, I… ”
“I know, I hate myself for that more and more everyday.” He said as he dropped his gaze to the floor, it was the truth, he hated that he had slept with Nina, not only because it hurt Buffy, but it was just a mistake all together.
“Good.” She spat “Cause you don't deserve her Angel, she needs a man that gives a damn about her, a man that wont screw her over for another vampire or wolf or what ever the hell that skank is you're sleeping with.”
“She's a werewolf and I'm not sleeping with her.” He said stepping closer trying to get through to her.
“So what was it that Buffy walked in on?” she asked cocking an eyebrow, Dawn really wanted to know the entire story, as Buffy seemed to have left bits out on the phone that day, and the things Dawn did know didn't piece together very well, so none of it made any sense at all.
“Well I did once, but it was wrong, very wrong, I didn't want to hurt her Dawn.” He said as he fought the tears welling in his eyes.
“Well you did.” She spat stepping forward throwing her arms up in the air in total frustration.
“She's alright isn't she?” He was afraid of the answer, what if she wasn't? What if the accident had done a lot of damage to her and she would never be her normal happy, healthy self again? No he couldn't think like that, he saw her only moments ago and she looked fine, happy even.
“Who?” Buffy asked as she descended the stairs, she had been waiting in her apartment as Dawn had instructed her to until she realized that she was the older one of the two and if someone was following them and needed to be set straight then Buffy should be the one to do it.
Angel's head shot up and the tears that had welled in his eyes earlier gently fell down his face. He opened his mouth and tried as hard as he could to say her name but no words would come out.
Buffy smiled as she noticed that it was in fact the man from the street, the one she found incredibly attractive. So he was in fact the one that had her sister on edge as she led her home, he was the stranger that was following them.
Angel returned her smile, he couldn't take his eyes off her she was as beautiful as always.
He wanted to say something tell her how sorry he was, tell her that everything he had done was wrong and that he needed her forgiveness, that he needed her. But yet again he couldn't speak.
Buffy slowly descended the last few stairs and came to a stop next to her sister, not once taking her eyes of the man in front of her as she spoke.
“Dawn are you gonna introduce me to your friend?” She asked smiling up at Angel.
Angel looked from Dawn to Buffy not at all understanding what the slayer meant by that.
Dawn nodded letting out a deep breath knowing there was nothing else she could do, there was no way out of this one, so she would introduce them and then Angel would be on his way. There was no way she was going to let him back into Buffy's life, not after what he had put her through.
“Buffy, this is Angel, Angel, Buffy.” She muttered as she stepped back and took a seat on one of the steps.
“Hi Angel.” Buffy smiled as she extended her hand to shake his, the moment they made contact, something shot through her, she thought that maybe she was getting her memory back or at least part of it, but it was something completely different, it was like electricity flowing through her veins, and this Angel was responsible for it. Suddenly she realized she had heard the name before.
Angel thought that this was some kind of a joke, he knew Buffy, they met years ago in a dark alley, so why on earth was she pretending like it had never happened? He didn't say anything though, he just tried to catch on to what was going on, and the only thing was he was failing miserably.
“I know you.” She whispered stepping back and letting go of his hand. “Your name, Dawn you said he didn't know I was in hospital.” She said looking down at her sister, trying to figure out where it was she knew this Angel from.
“No you don't.” Dawn insisted as she jumped to her feet.
Angel was completely lost now, Dawn was telling her sister that she didn't know him, and Buffy was acting as though she had no memory of him. What the hell was going on? Suddenly everything fell into place, and his eyes fell back on Buffy. “You don't remember.” He whispered.
“Remember what?” she asked stepping in closer to him, she needed answers and Dawn wasn't willing to give her any, so maybe this Angel knew something, maybe he could tell her what she wanted to know.
“Nothing.” Dawn said stepping between the pair before they got to close to each other. She then turned around to face her sister. “Buffy, Angel is an old friend of mine, the only reason I told you that he didn't know you were in hospital was because you didn't like me associating with him, so I told you he didn't know where we were.” She lied
Angel looked from Dawn to Buffy, why was her sister lying to her? Why wasn't she telling her the truth? He couldn't let Buffy believe that.
“No.” he spat causing Dawn to spin around and face him, giving him an angry glare.
“Shut up.” She said through clenched teeth, before turning back towards her sister. “Buffy I need to speak to Angel on my own, can you give us a minute.” She asked.
“Sure.” Buffy said still looking at Angel, it didn't seem right. Dawn was seventeen, and Angel didn't look like a seventeen year old, maybe a really sexy twenty something, but not seventeen. But she knew her sister had no reason to lie to her, so she agreed and slowly started to climb the stairs. After she climbed a few she quickly turned back around.
“It was really nice meeting you.” She smiled, looking down at him.
Angel stepped closer, looking up into her green eyes he fought everything inside him that was telling him to take her in his arms and kiss her. “You too, Buffy.” He smiled back.
She quickly made it up the rest of the stairs and into their apartment.
“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Angel asked turning around to see Dawn staring up at him, almost ready to explode from hatred.
“You stay away from her, got it?” she said before heading towards the stairs.
“Not until you tell me what happened… I thought she was dead.” He chocked.
Dawn paused and slowly brought her eyes up to his, she never wanted him to think that, as much as she hated him right now, he didn't deserve to go through what he had. “I'm sorry, but you hurt her Angel, really badly, I can't let you do that again.” She whispered.
“I don't understand, I mean I know what I did Dawn, and I hate myself for it more and more every single day. But Buffy, why doesn't she remember?”
She eased herself back down on the step she had occupied earlier then began to tell him the entire story. “That day that she saw you in bed with that slut.” Dawn didn't even know the girl but anyone who could be responsible for making her sister cry deserved to be called every name under the sun. “Well she rang me from her hotel room and told me all about it, and then the next call I got after that was from the hospital telling me my sister was in a car accident and in a coma. When she finally woke up, she'd lost her memory.” Dawn whispered, unshed tears shining in her eyes as she revisited the memory.
“You never called.” He said easing himself down beside her.
“No, I blamed you I guess, I mean she wouldn't have been in that cab on the way to the airport if it wasn't for you, Angel she came to L.A. to start a life with you, she was never meant to go back to Rome.” She said trying to make him understand.
Angel didn't say a word, what could he have said? He agreed with Dawn, it was his fault, all of it. None of this would have occurred if he had of just stayed away from Nina, and right now he would be with Buffy. Angel couldn't even describe just how much he hated himself right this second.
“There's something else.” Dawn whispered.
His head shot back up, “What's wrong with her?” He immediately thought the worst.
“Apart from the whole memory thing, nothing, but she does remember some things.”
“Like what?” he asked, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, he already knew she didn't remember him.
“Me… and kissing some guy in broad daylight at the beach, which I'm guessing is Riley cause hello, you're a vampire so there's no wa-”
“It's me.” He said a small smile tugging at his lips; she had remembered him after all.
“Huh?” Dawn sat there completely shocked, she wasn't sure if Angel had even heard her properly, she did say broad daylight, so why on earth would he think it was him?
“It was me.” Angel repeated, understanding that this new information would be a little hard for Dawn to comprehend.
“Angel you did hear me, right? You do realize that I said *broad* daylight.” Dawn said, thinking the vampire had completely lost his mind.
“Yes I know, but it's a long story.” He wanted to forget that he had even mentioned it, as Dawn really wasn't about to believe his explanation.
“So start talking, cause I wanna hear this one.”
Angel stood up and walked towards the door that he had followed the girls through earlier. “It doesn't matter, I have to go.” He whispered, he didn't want to share this with Dawn. He didn't want anyone to know that he had given Buffy up instead of giving her the life she truly deserved.
“Fine go, but don't you ever think that you can come back here, I won't let her near you Angel.” Dawn knew what he thought, he thought it wasn't her place to ask, but since the accident everything involving Buffy was her business. Angel was hiding something about her and she had a right to know.
Angel paused, his hand clutching the handle on the door, he knew he should have walked out, and just stayed away so Buffy could be happy as he couldn't give her that. But there was something inside him that wouldn't let him; he just couldn't face the idea of never seeing her again.
So he let go of the handle and turned to face the brunette. “Okay.” He said stepping in a little closer. “But on one condition.”
“What's that?” Dawn enquired.
“You can't tell her, she can never know.” He insisted, it was bad enough that she had lost her memory and that they had to keep her life from her, but for her to find out that there was more to it than that. It would hurt her more than anything else.
“As much as she is going to hate us if she ever finds out… I won't.” Dawn could just tell that whatever the explanation was, it was going to be big. Big in the sense of causing Buffy pain.
**********
/ Buffy's POV /
Ever since I saw him that day, I've been having dreams about him, they never seem to stop. Seven whole days have passed and all I think about is his smile, and sometimes I get this weird feeling inside. It totally throws me, and it makes me think of him, how weird is that?
But the one thing I can't figure out is why wouldn't I want Dawn to spend time with him? Maybe it's the age thing; maybe he's just a jerk, although I find that hard to believe. Things would be so much better if I could just remember.
But I can't, and no ones willing to help me with that, if only this Angel was my friend instead of Dawn's, if only he knew all about me, maybe he'd tell me. I doubt it though; I mean I haven't seen him in a week, the day I met him being the last time.
If that's not a hint then I don't know what is, I mean come on a guy like that, what on earth would he see in a girl like me? He's just so… I don't know, for some reason being around him for the few minutes that I was that night, it affected me, more than I like.
I really need to stop obsessing over this guy and concentrate on getting my memory back, but it's kind of hard when he doesn't seem to want to leave my thoughts.
**********
He knew that Dawn would have been shocked when she heard the truth, he even expected her not to believe him, but when she threw her arms around him and thanked him for sparing her life, it threw him, he really didn't expect that.
So she wasn't exactly stopping him from dropping by, but he just couldn't do it, he didn't know what to say. Buffy had no idea who he was, and he didn't know what exactly to do about that. He just wasn't worthy of her time, or so he thought, if only he knew that Buffy saw things differently.
He did want to see her though, so he made that happen, every night he would go for a walk and come to a stop out the front of their apartment, where he would stare up at her window until the lights were switched off. He was doing the exact same thing he had done when he went to Sunnydale that time, seeing her but not letting her see him.
He hated that he was once again doing something that had upset her so much, but it couldn't be helped, he needed to see her, and he needed to smile after having forgotten how when he had thought she was dead for so long.
He was still so angry at that, he was made to believe she was gone, Dawn never called. But now it didn't really matter, all that mattered was Buffy's recovery, something he wanted to help her with; he just didn't know where to start.
**********
When Dawn had called her cell only seconds ago Buffy had explained that she was fine, and just out for a walk to take her mind of things. Mainly that she couldn't remember who she was, but also there was a certain gentlemen who never wanted to leave her thoughts.
Angel had been occupying them so much of late that she had even set out asking Dawn to tell her as much about him as she knew. Dawn was hesitant though and didn't really want to tell her sister too much; this was something that Buffy had to find out for herself. She couldn't tell her a thing and she had told Buffy that over and over, yet Buffy seemed to let that go in one ear and out the other.
She hated that she had to remember everything on her own, at this rate that was never going to happen.
After she had ended the call with her sister, Buffy had this strange feeling that she was being followed, and she quickly turned to see who it was, she thought or at least hoped that it was Angel, being that that same feeling crept inside her, the one she had when she thought of him. But it wasn't Angel no it was someone completely different.
The stench alone was enough to tell her that it wasn't Angel; he had a nice Angel-y smell to him. But this guy, it was all booze and cigarettes.
“Slayer.” He whispered, unshed tears shinning in his eyes.
“I'm sorry.” She muttered, backing away from the blonde man.
“You're alive.” Spike said, slowly closing in on the confused Buffy.
“Uh, do I know you?” Buffy enquired, wondering why this man had called her slayer, what kind of a kinky name was that? She was sure that she didn't know him, but he seemed to think differently.
“Buffy, what are you on, of course you know me pet.” Spike said, reaching out for her and trying to pull her in for a hug, he was just so glad to see she was alive even if she did seem a little disoriented.
When he tried to put his hands on her, Buffy quickly swatted at them, and pushed him with all her strength when he kept insisting that he knew her and wanted her in his arms.
She surprised herself in that moment, when she saw the drunk mans body go flying to the other side of the street from her push alone. She looked down at her hands then took off, scared of what had happened.
**********
He'd been following her the moment she set foot out of her apartment that night, watching her every move, yet still he managed to lose her a couple of times as she disappeared in amongst the crowd. Having no idea which way she may have gone, he tried one of the back alleys thinking that maybe there was a chance she had veered off that way, away from everyone else.
Whether she could remember what she was like or not, he knew her, better than anyone else, and sometimes she just wanted to be alone.
The next time he caught sight of her she was backing away from what looked like Spike. When she sent him flying over to the other side of the street, Angel knew exactly what this was, it was one of her breaking points.
So when she ran, he followed. Chasing her through countless streets, until she finally came to a stand still in the middle of one. She didn't know where else to turn, the cars honking their horns and swerving around her were the last thing on her mind.
What was she, how could one simple push send a man flying many meters away? Staring down at her hands she tried to make sense of the new found strength she possessed. She never noticed the car coming towards her, the one that hadn't noticed her either.
“Buffy.” Angel yelled, running straight for her, tackling her as he pulled her out of target range.
The driver noticed her at the last second, but when he hit the breaks it was still too late, had it not of been for Angel this would have been fatal car accident number two.
When she hit the rough pavement she finally understood what had just happened. But she still couldn't think properly, or function at all, not with the object of her thoughts lying atop of her.
“Are you okay?” he asked his lips merely inches from her own.
She couldn't do anything but look into his deep eyes; she could drown in them if she held his gaze just a little longer. He was perfection, everything about him made her want him more and more. And now being pinned under him, it was doing the craziest things to her senses, what if she was to kiss him, would he kiss her back?
She couldn't think like that, she hardly even knew the man. Besides he was Dawn's friend, even if he was much too old for the young summers girl.
“I'm fine.” She whispered tearing her eyes away from his as he gently eased himself off her.
“You nearly got hit by that car.” He said as he held out his hand and helped her to her feet.
“Oh God.” She whispered seeing the same man approaching them. “Please can you get me out of here?” She begged Angel, already backing away from the approaching stranger who seemed to think he knew her.
Angel followed her gaze till his eyes fell upon the drunken blonde vampire. He wanted to explain to her that everything was alright, and that Spike was a friend, but she didn't even know that he was her friend, and in the end it would just raise too many questions.
Grabbing her hand he whispered “Come on, I'll take you home.”
Her fingers laced through his and she clung on tightly, feeling safe for the first time since... well, she could remember. She had a lot of questions to ask her sister when she got home, why was she so strong, and so fast? Why did a drunken English man know her name?
But right now, there was only one question that seemed to be standing out, why was it that with Angel everything felt right, like for the first time ever, she belonged?
They ran at least half of the way back to her apartment, but once Angel was sure that Spike wasn't following, he slowed them down, reassuring her that she was going to be alright, and that he wouldn't let anyone hurt her.
As they walked the rest of the way, Buffy never let go of his hand. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was afraid, or just that she liked the feel of his fingers laced through hers.
The cool night air brushed over her now thanks to Angel flushed skin, she had ventured out earlier in the evening with nothing on but a thin cotton top, and a pair of faded jeans. She was getting cold and couldn't stop herself from shivering; they needed to get inside as quickly as possibly.
But there was only one thing that the blonde wasn't looking forward to, the moment they would walk through that door to her apartment, he would let go of her hand, and Buffy didn't like the idea of them not touching anymore.
As the pair continued their walk home Angel noticed that she was in fact still holding on to him, and he couldn't help but smile. When he also noticed her shiver, he quickly let go, not seeing Buffy's frown.
“You're cold.” He said slipping out of his jacket and placing it over her small shoulders. Buffy smiled, why did he have to do things like that? Now she'd be thinking of him a lot more than the she already was.
Once the both of them began walking again, Buffy returned her hand to his, trying not to make a big deal out of it. For Angel it was a big deal, she wanted to touch him. Buffy the girl he always thought about as the one that got away. He loved that that same girl wanted to be near him, but the fact that she didn't remember what the once vampire had done, hadn't slipped his mind.
He needed to tell her why she shouldn't be with him, why he wasn't and never would be worthy of her. But when he tried, his heart kept stopping him, telling him to just stay and enjoy the moment.
He felt like he was deceiving her, by letting her believe that she didn't know him, that he was just one of Dawn's much older friends.
Dawn, that was another thing he still couldn't understand. Why did Buffy only remember her, and a day, a day that she was never meant to? None of it made sense, and the only way Angel could find out was from the blonde herself, the only thing was, Buffy didn't remember.
Everything was just so confusing, not just to Buffy, but to Angel himself. He loved her, without question, but this, what was happening wasn't right, if only he could walk away. If only Buffy knew the truth, and still wanted to touch him after that. If only he could turn back the hands of time.
**********
The girl watched from her apartment window, she watched as the frightened slayer stood in the middle of the road, cars swerving around her. She saw the handsome man come to her rescue, the man she wanted for herself.
Nina never would have thought that seeing them together would hurt so much. She could see the way that Angel looked at Buffy, like the girl was the only other person on the face of the earth, like no one else mattered.
The werewolf couldn't help but be jealous, she had to do something, she had to get him back before he fell for the slayer again.
She thought that all she needed was a plan, but realistically she needed to realize that when it came to Buffy there was no again, Angel never fell out of love with her.
Five years changed nothing.
**********
/Buffy's POV/
If I was alone right now, I know I would be in tears. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm strong, real strong, and I'm fast too. My hands, their weapons, I can feel it. Yet when he holds them, their calm, I'm calm.
I don't even know him, I don't know anyone. Sure there's Dawn, but she can't be it, there has to be more to Buffy.
He's walking me home, I can tell as I walk these same streets everyday. I don't want to go there, I want to stay, stay with him. But the closer we get, the more I realize that's not about to happen.
Why does he do this to me? Make me feel all crazy?
I wonder if he knows, that I don't stop thinking about him, that I want him yet I don't understand it. How can someone I barely know have such an affect on me? How could someone like me be so stupid as to fall for someone who wouldn't even give me a second glance?
Then there's the hand holding. He hasn't let go, I won't let him, I need his touch, I need him, and I don't get that.
**********
Once they reached her apartment building Buffy paused out the front, not wanting to go inside. Pulling her hand away, she looked at it as well as her other. There was something about them, something that told her she was no ordinary girl.
“I'm different aren't I?” She asked still focused on her small hands, the ones that had thrown a man to the other side of the street.
Angel brought his hands up to softly caress hers. Smiling at the blonde as he answered her question. “Yes… you're special.”
Buffy looked away trying to hide her smile, forgetting for the moment everything that had happened only minutes before, everything but Angel that is. She didn't want to go inside, but she had to.
“Angel.” She whispered, returning her gaze to his.
“Yeah.” He let go of her hands, because if he were to keep holding on, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from pulling her into his arms, from kissing her, telling her he loved her, telling her he was sorry and that he would never do anything so stupid as to hurt her again. But in the end that would only mean telling her the truth, telling her about her life, and that was against doctors orders.
“I had a great time tonight, I mean the being chased by a drunken English man part sucked, and almost getting hit by a car, but the rest was nice.” She was rambling, she knew it, but the blonde couldn't help it. Angel made her all… well that was another thing, she didn't understand what it was that he did to her; all she knew was that he did it well.
“Me too.” He smiled, he didn't want to leave, he wanted to follow her inside, or at least stand out here with her for the rest of the night.
Buffy turned around and walked up the steps to her apartment as Angel just stood there watching her for a moment. He wanted to see her again, but he didn't know where to start, or how to ask. He didn't date, he'd tried, the first time was with Buffy and that had left them both broken, and recently Nina, that being just a big mistake. But he was human now, things were different, things would turn out different, all he had to do was try.
“Buffy.” He called out, climbing the first couple of steps so he was at least a little closer to her.
She spun around instantly, as though she were waiting for him to stop her form walking inside.
“Coffee?” He asked, trying to think of what to say next “Maybe you and I could... sometime.” He was so nervous, like they'd never had that so called first date before.
She smiled, causing Angel's heart to skip a few beats. “Coffee sounds good.” Buffy then turned back around and walked into her apartment block.
Angel stood there for another few minutes, just smiling, unable to believe that he had a date with the one woman that at one point he thought he would never see again. Maybe there was such a thing as second chances, and this time he knew he wasn't about to screw his up.
Buffy swore that after today she was never going shopping with her younger sister again. It wasn't so much that she spent a lot of money, Dawn seemed to know what she could afford and couldn't. It was more the fact that when ever she would try something on she would only end up in hysterics, because she seemed to think that every single item in the store made her look fat, in one way or another.
After hours of making Buffy follow her from store to store Dawn had only walked out with a pair of new jeans, and some accessories. Not exactly what she would call an entire outfit.
The funny thing was the whole 'shopping trip' was Buffy's idea; she had to buy something for her coffee date - if that's what it was - with Angel that night. Everything she came across just didn't seem right, not for the same reasons as her sister; it was more that she just really wanted to impress Angel.
She didn't really know much about him; in fact she didn't know anything about the tall dark and handsome stranger. So looking for something that would make him stop dead in his tracks wasn't exactly what she would call the easiest task she had chosen for herself.
For a moment Buffy wondered, was she always like this? So nervous, yet so excited to be doing the coffee thing with someone that made her melt from the way he said her name alone? Or was it different from times before, were there other times? Great now she had just gone and started doing something she didn't want to, asking herself a hundred questions when she had yet to remember the answers.
Shaking her head she forced the thoughts away, today she promised herself that she wasn't about to worry about any of that, instead she wanted to have a relaxing day out shopping, followed by coffee with a handsome stranger.
She smiled again, just the thought of him and she couldn't help herself.
“Buffy, look!” Dawn shouted from the other side of the boutique as she pulled open the curtain to her change room and stepped out for her sister to see. “I'm so fat.” She whined, almost bursting out into tears.
Relaxing, shopping, and Dawn were definitely three words that didn't belong in the same sentence. Buffy just couldn't believe that her sister could be such a pain in the ass, and even though she knew she was going to regret it later, the blonde just had to do something, just for a second she needed to get away.
“I need a break.” Buffy stated as Dawn returned to the changing room to try on something else that the blonde was sure would have her little sister in tears within seconds, and once again for no reason at all.
**********
Buffy was on a mission, to get as far away from the brunette as physically possible, and maybe even end up finding something for herself to wear. Quickly she made her way over to the other side of the mall, walking over to the elevator that would take her up to the next level, she paused only to hit the button and wait for the doors to open.
Watching as the lights above the double steel doors changed, first from one, to two, and then to three, Buffy stepped back making room for anyone who would be walking out, that was if anyone was in there at all. When the doors slid open, Buffy was surprised to see him standing there, returning her smile, with one of his own.
“Hey.” She said stepping inside, standing beside him, trying to act as cool as possible.
“Hey.” Angel returned, his eyes moving over her in one quick sweep. How was it that whatever she wore, however she styled her hair, and whether she had make up on or not, she was always breathtakingly beautiful. “You look...” Beautiful, amazing, like a goddess, his heart screamed at him, the same heart that was beating so hard and fast he was afraid it was about to jump out of his chest. “Good.” He finished, already hating himself for not telling her just how stunning she truly was. Good just didn't do her any justice at all.
“Thank you, you look good too.” Buffy replied, smiling slightly at his obvious nervousness. She was just happy to see she wasn't the only one.
For a moment neither spoke, both unsure of what to say next. Angel thinking of how hard this was, all he wanted to do each time he saw her was say he was sorry for what she had walked in on and beg for her forgiveness. Holding back was slowly killing him, and playing her like this wasn't fair, and so finally Angel broke the ice. “Buffy, about tonight, we don't have to go out if you don't want to.” What the hell did he just do, it had taken so much nerve to finally ask her out, and now he was taking back the invitation, no, no he had to fix this, he didn't mean it.
But in all honesty he did, because it wasn't about what he wanted, it was about what Buffy wanted. Damn why was love so confusing?
“You don't want to?” She asked, a little confused and disappointed, why would he ask her out only to take it back?
“No... I do, so much... I-I mean... I'll pick you up at six?” Oh God, why had he even left the house that day, he'd just made himself out to be a teenager, asking her out to the prom. If he hadn't of needed something to wear, then he would have stayed at home, and waited at least until that night to make a fool of himself. Hopefully he was still going to get the chance to take her out, if he hadn't totally screwed it up.
“See you at six.” Buffy smiled as she gently reached out to brush her hand over his, then she turned to the opening doors, and walked out, leaving Angel standing there, unable to do anything but think that Buffy had just touched him, his Buffy...
Memory or not, she was still his girl.
**********
It was amusing to the once vampire that after spending the better part of his afternoon shopping for something to wear out that evening, he had ended up with something that replicated just about everything else in his wardrobe. A pair of Black slacks, a navy silk shit, with a few buttons popped open exposing just a little of his pale flesh, and his hair, as it always was. Carefully, yet not so carefully spiked with a little gel holding it in place.
He had arrived at her door a little early, he couldn't help it, it was either that or staying home and driving himself crazy as he counted down each second.
Dawn had answered, and ushered him inside as Buffy put on the finishing touches to her out fit. In other words, she got her hair to look acceptable.
“There's something I have to say.” Dawn stated, she didn't think that this talk was needed, in fact she trusted Angel, really she did. Even if she did know the truth and Buffy didn't, the younger Summers girl knew he was sorry for his mistake, and if anything it's not like they were together at the time. She'd just never say that to Buffy, that is when and if she ever got her memory back.
“What's that?” he asked, as he cautiously took the seat across from her, this felt off, it was like he was about to be grilled by a dates parents, not that Angel really knew what that felt like.
Smoothing out her skirt, before reaching over and picking up her cup of tea off the table, Dawn was trying to find a good way to put it. “Well, uh... you and Buffy... ummm... look don't think that just because she doesn't remember, well… that you have the chance at a fresh start with her, this isn't a clean slate Angel... sooner or later she will get her memory back.” Dawn said, genuinely concerned about her older sister. When the day came and Buffy remembered everything, she wouldn't just be confused, she'd be mad beyond belief, especially at Angel.
“I know, this past week it's all I've thought about. But I love her Dawn, and I can't wait for her to get her memory back to show her.” He whispered, it would just be out of the question if she was asking him to stay away until that happened, for all he knew that could be months, years even, and Angel wasn't prepared to go that long without seeing her.
“I understand, but just promise me one thing okay?” She insisted.
“Okay.” He agreed, even though he hadn't a clue of what she was about to ask of him.
“Don't sleep with her, I know that you can now, being human and all, but don't, it's just going to make things worse when she remembers.” Dawn noticed the shift in his demeanor when she asked, but it was something she couldn't go without saying, she had to make sure that no matter what was to happen, Buffy wouldn't get hurt. Initially when she had realized not that long ago that Angel was in fact human, she wasn't too happy about it, because if he got too close to Buffy, it would make everything so much harder.
If he had the chance, to make love to her, Angel honestly didn't know if he would be able to hold back, there was no barrier now, the curse was gone, he was human, but then even if Dawn hadn't of just created a new one, he knew he could never just take advantage of her like that. Buffy was everything to him, he could and would wait forever if he had to. “Okay.” Angel simply agreed.
Dawn sighed in relief, but a part of her was still skeptical, hopefully Angel wouldn't go back on his word.
**********
When she had first walked into the living room, Angel swore his heart skipped a beat. She looked incredible, wearing a little black dress that clung to her body like it were a second skin, her back was exposed by the halter neck style, and all Angel could do was remind himself to breathe, in and out, it was all new to him. She also carried a small black purse that complimented her shoes, and her hair was how he always loved it, out, and only just slightly curled.
Standing up on shaky legs proved to be hard, but he managed, and slowly he made his way over to her. Taking her small hand in his, brushing it with his warm lips. “Ready?”
Buffy simply smiled in response. She was more than ready; in fact she couldn't wait to spend an entire evening alone with the man of her dreams, literally. Hopefully that little kiss was just a taste of what was to come.
**********
They began the night at a small club called Mercury in L.A. It was much similar to the Bronze; even Buffy noted that the place seemed familiar. That brought a smile to Angel's face, as it seemed that maybe her chances of getting her memory back weren't so slim after all.
They had coffee, danced, had more coffee, and danced again. That had gone on for four good hours, and still nothing, Angel being the perfect gentlemen had made no move at all to kiss her.
Frustrated, and wondering if perhaps she had done something wrong, Buffy had come to the conclusion that maybe tonight wasn't the night, or maybe he just wasn't interested in her at all. But if that were so then why ask her out, why kiss her hand, why stare at her cleavage and then pretend that he wasn't? It didn't add up, from what Buffy figured, he wanted her, and yet there they were, driving home, and nothing, he wasn't even holding her...
Suddenly she felt his large hand cover hers were it sat on her leg. Looking down she smiled as he gently laced his fingers through hers, maybe she was wrong after all, and maybe Angel was just waiting for the right moment, even if Buffy swore that the right moment had already passed them by at least ten times that night.
When he pulled up out the front of her apartment block, Angel reluctantly let go of her hand. Cutting the engine and turning slightly to face her he smiled, he just couldn't help it, Buffy always managed to bring out the best in him. “Can we do this again some time?” He asked, he wasn't trying to be too forward, but he just knew he had to see her again.
“Count on it.” Buffy said, as she subconsciously swayed closer, as though she were expecting his lips to catch hers in a kiss.
Angel's eyes studied her lips, oh how badly he wanted to just give in and kiss them, licking his lips he turned, clutching the door handle, ready to get out of the car, and walk her to her door.
Reaching out Buffy caught his arm with her small hand, and turned him once again to face her. She'd had enough; it was either now or never. “Angel, are you ever going to kiss me?” It was as simple as that, either he wanted to or didn't.
Angel answered her question the moment it had escaped her lips, he'd been thinking the exact same thing all night. Leaning in he captured her parted lips in a soft kiss, as his hand tenderly caressed her cheek.
He'd waited so long to feel this again, and his memory had not let him down on how amazing it was, not one bit. Slipping his tongue in he searched out hers, and the pair stayed like that for a good few minutes, tasting and enjoying the feel of the others lips upon theirs.
Angel had still managed to surprise her; she didn't think that he would really end up kissing her, well not like that anyway. She'd dreamt and fantasized of this moment over and over, and her fantasies had not done him justice, not in the slightest.
Everything felt so good, his lips, his mouth, and his tongue, whoever had taught him how to kiss definitely deserved a medal. As the kiss deepened making it harder and harder for the pair to pull away, Buffy knew that if asked she was ready and willing to take things further, much, much further.
Then it happened, and she broke free, gasping for air, and trying to get an idea of what it was she was seeing. It was either her memory coming back, or some crazy dream, as there was no other explanation to the vision currently flashing through her mind.
“What is it? What's wrong?” Angel asked, placing his finger under her chin and tilting her head so that she was facing him. One minute they were kissing, and the next she had pulled away.
“It's nothing, I just, I saw you.” She whispered, unable to understand if it was real, or just a figment of her wild imagination.
“Saw me?” He questioned, already fearing the worst, what if she had just remembered what she had walked in on him doing before the accident?
“Yes, you told me I was your destiny, and the next thing I see is you turning to dust.” Buffy said, tears welling in her eyes, this wasn't real, such a thing wasn't possible. “Angel, am I going crazy?” She asked, as she just couldn't come up with any other explanation. First her super strength, and now this.
Angel had no idea of what she was talking about, it never happened, he couldn't remember Buffy ever telling him of anything like that. He could see she was afraid, and for the life of him he wished he could explain that it was possibly just some nightmare she had when she was in high school about him dying, but if he were to do that, well then the vampire question would pop up, and Angel couldn't answer that without scaring her or possibly having to tell her the truth.
“No, but I am.” He whispered, leaning forward so that he was barely inches from her lips. Changing the subject he decided that the best thing was to take her mind off it. “Over you.” He added before kissing her again.
Smiling against his lips Buffy returned his kiss, bringing her hands up to play with the little hairs at the nape of his neck, she didn't want to pull away this time. It seemed that no matter what was currently going on in her life at the time, he had a way of not letting it get to her. He knew just what to do, and that was another reason of why she wanted to stay like that forever, in the car, kissing Angel.